Rediscovered

There was a show on last night called "Rediscovered." Where the producer of the Mickey Mouse Club brought back 5 people who'd auditioned for the show when they were kids to sing in front of a live audience. The people are now grown and 4 out of the 5 were married and the winner got $50,000 in cash. None of them are stars now.

I'm still waiting for my call. Many of you don't know this but I auditioned for the Mickey Mouse Club when I was in the fifth grade. I'm not kidding I really did. My parents brought me to Cleveland and I auditioned. I passed the singing part - not to brag but my voice is ok. Please don't ask me to sing you any solos I wouldn't put it in the category of great...no one would every say "That girl can sang" (those of you brought up in my family know that if the term "sang" is used then you can really blow)...don't forget that Britney Spears made it, so me saying I passed the singing part isn't that big of a deal. Of course Christina Aguliera was on there too but I can't even touch her singing wise. But anyway I passed the singing part but got the boot when I went on to the dancing part of the audition.



I never looked back. I'm actually glad I didn't make it in show business. I'm so happy with Sam and our children and I would hate to be followed all the time by the paparazzi. I honestly wouldn't mind the money though (hey I have to be truthful) but I'd hate the fame...Ok, I'm lying, I would like to sign a few autographs LOL but I wouldn't want the lasting fame where I get no privacy. And I have to admit, it would be kind of cool to be called to go on the "Rediscovered" show.




I have to call my parents to make sure the producers didn't call. I could see my mother on the phone, "Who? Mickey Mouse. LaToya doesn't live here anymore." LOL I'll have to call my mom to let her know just in case.

Time's ticking away

Yesterday I was on the floor playing with Peyton. Sam was working from home and Nathan was taking a nap and Peyton didn't want to nap so I got on the floor and played with her. I've done this before but yesterday was different. I started tapping the floor and she started imitating me and when I'd stop she'd grab my hands to continue. I started making noises and she started trying to imitate. The bad part was I wondered to myself, "How long has she been doing this?"

It's so easy to miss the little stuff. And I realized that I've been pretty busy lately. Even though I'm home full time "stuff" still gets in the way. Well that's about to change. I have to set limits. I have a ton of stuff to do each day to keep the house functioning properly but I'm going to have to manage my time better. It was a lot easier with just one child.

When Nathan was a baby it was quicker to clean and I didn't have a toddler going behind me when I'd finished cleaning making new messes :-) Also I kept a whiteboard up and I literally had everyday written out and that was a big help. Now the whiteboard is down because it used to be in the "office" which is now Peyton's room (that she's still not sleeping in by the way). Too Peyton is a much "easier" baby than Nathan was, as long as I'm in the room I can put her somewhere and this allows me to get stuff done.

A lot of people think I chose to stay home because I don't trust daycares or sitters. While that's a small part of it it's only about 5% (a VERY small part). The main reason I chose to stay home is because I don't want to miss my children growing up. Especially during these Baby/Toddler/Pre school years. Before Sam and I made the decision for me to be home full time, I spent a lot of time talking to "career" women. And I only spoke to the ones who's children were now grown. And every single one of them told me that if they had it to do over they wouldn't have worked when their children were young. They'd had no problems with daycares or sitters actually, but they said they missed way too much. I also talked to some stay at home mothers or mothers who'd stayed at home until their children were older (my mom included) and some of them wished they'd worked, mainly so they would've afforded more, I can relate to that feeling at times, if I were working now I'd have that minivan I've been wanting... So I had two opinions to go on to decide what we wanted to do. It also helped that I worked in a daycare for a year while in college so I already knew how they worked. Sam and I didn't have the option of working alternate shifts or going part time and though he can work from home at times he still wouldn't be able to have the kids around - it's a big no no to be dialed into a meeting with children behind you. We worked 8 hours a day with 1 hour for an unpaid lunch so Nathan and Peyton would've been with a sitter no less than 10 hours a day (hopefully because sometimes I worked 60 hour weeks...). So for Sam and I it was just figuring out which I may regret more. Working or not working.

I admit I need my sanity at times and time with adults (no children around). And I have to give it to Sam, he's very good at making sure I get that. I don't think I've ever heard him object to me getting together with one of my girlfriends. As a matter of fact he really encourages it so no complaints there. And I found a few other full time mothers so our children can socialize and I can have other adults to be around during the day so that helps too. Though I had a great job with a wonderful manager and great co workers, I've actually never missed work for any reason other than the extra income it brings.

So what's getting in the way? I can't blame it on having 2 children. Sam's a hands on father and spends ample time with the children and I get a significant amount of alone time with each child because of this. So I can't use that excuse. It's just stuff. The desire for a clean home. The desire to call my friends to say "hi" or "can I pray for you." The desire to keep in touch with people by sending a gazillion e-mails a day. etc. Just stuff. So I'm cutting out some stuff.

If God's willing I'll have my children for 18 years (22 if they go to college locally) and I think I'd rather have a less cleaner home (although trust me not nasty) and send fewer emails so that I can witness every moment possible.

So I'm starting today. It's actually 8:00 am and both children are in bed, which is the reason I'm writing. And I'm going to get that whiteboard back up. I have to go back to the original reason as to why I'm home which is to take care of my family. Believe it or not it is possible to be home full time and still "miss" this little stuff and I don't want to miss a thing. I know there's going to be times when the children have to entertain themselves or Peyton has to be in that swing or bouncer while Nathan plays with his cars on the floor so I can get things done and also I'm not going to give up the hour of alone time I get each evening but I just need to refocus and scale back a little.

In Your Dreams

Anyway I had a dream the other night that I was being pursued by Brad Pitt. I know that's what I said! Who? Yes I spelled it right Brad Pitt. The dumb part about this dream is that; 1. I'm happily married. 2. Brad Pitt? I don't find him attractive at all. Nor am I a fan. The only two movies I saw of his were "Troy" (and I didn't know he was in it until I watched it) and "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" (And actually I thought that one sucked, I just saw it out of curiousity. I wanted to see if I noticed an attraction between him and Angelina).

I told Sam about this dream and he had a good laugh at my expense. No nothing happened in the dream (get your minds out of the gutter).

I'm actually insulted at this. My goodness if I'm going to dream about someone other than my husband I couldn't dream anyone better than that?

Holiness

I've written several posts over the last few days actually but just haven't brought myself to publish any of them.

Right now I'm really struggling with something and that is the Holiness of God.

I know I just threw a lot of you with that but I guess it hit me the other day really really hard. I was sitting and reading a book called "Traveling Light" by Max Lucado and I came upon a part that said that the scribes used to wash themselves before they'd even write God's name (Yahweh) that's how sacred and holy that name is. Believe it or not that part in that book hit me like a ton of bricks and stopped me in my tracks and just haven't left me and it made me realize that I just don't understand how Holy God really is. If I did I wouldn't do half the things that I do.

I love the Lord. I love my salvation and it's something that's very dear to me. I dedicated my life to Christ at the age of 23 and have never been the same. But sometimes I truly don't understand how Holy God is. Does that make me any less of a Christian? I hope not. I want to honor Him and live for Him and His word provides me with all the information I need but sometimes when I'm reminded of how Holy He is it just stomps me.

I know when the angel Gabriel appeared to Mary he said "Don't be afraid Mary " (Luke 1:30) He said the same thing to Zechariah earlier in Luke 1:13. The angel of the Lord that appeared to the Shepard's in Luke 2:10 had to tell them not to fear as well. When God called to Moses from the bush he told Moses to remove his Sandals because he was standing on Holy ground. (Exodus 3:5). The lady who was bleeding had so much faith in Christ that she just wanted to touch the Hem of his garment.

Please don't feel that I'm extremely well versed in the Bible just cause I'm quoting scripture above. I'm actually just looking these verses up as I go along. But the point is that God was revered. He was seen as the Holy being He is.

I've been struggling with this because maybe sometimes we as Christians don't give Him the respect He deserves. It's as if as time goes by He becomes less and less important and even though He's just as powerful now as He was then we don't respect Him as such. And I don't know why but over the last few days this concept has been weighing heavily on my mind.

I was just reading a book called "Lies Young Women Believe" by Nancy Leigh Demoss and I came across a quote in the book:

"All too often what passes for Christianity is not true Christianity at all. It is an impostor. And the sad thing is that most people don't know the difference." J David Hoke

In the old testament it was known that you couldn't look upon the face of God and live. He's a Holy God and we're to regard Him as such, but what does that mean?

I don't really ask a lot of people for their advice on how we're to act as Christians...truth be told I don't respect most people's opinions on the subject. Sadly I have very few role models in this area and maybe my recent posts on the Britney Spears songs disqualify me as well in some peoples eyes but how are we to act as Christians? It's something I'm praying for. The Bible is the best place to start but I remember arguing with friends long ago who made statements like "The Bible didn't say we can't listen to this music." My answer was, of course not Britney Spears wasn't around then, along with CD's, Blue Ray, Ipods, etc. So how in this day and age are we to conduct ourselves? And what should we consider crossing the line? Or better yet what would God consider crossing the line? Too often we look no different than the non Christians and this makes Christianity very unattractive to the people we're trying to reach.

I was struggling awhile back when watching Top model because the show really advocates homosexuality and Tyra is a big supporter if it and I know that the more people who watch the show help the ratings and keep it on the air. Anyway I voiced my concerns to one of my Christian friends and she told me there was nothing wrong with me watching it since I knew better. Was this bad advice?

I'm going back through a book called "Holiness" by Nancy Leigh Demoss and she addresses some of these issues head on and just steps on all my toes and maybe I need that right now. I really want to be able to model Christ for my Husband, and children and for myself because I have to stand alone on judgement day.

But anyway I know this post isn't really that well written and that I could probably never understand the true Holiness of Christ but I really want to understand more. I know when I get to Heaven I'll be praising God all day and will love doing it, but I struggle with that because it seems so wonderful but why am I not doing that now? I pray a lot and when a prayer is answered I stand in awe at what God has done at that moment but then the moment fades and life continues and I don't find myself praising as much as I should.

Also if God were to appear right now and I was to live through that, what would my reaction be? Would I cry, fall to my knees and worship. What would I see?

A funny side note is as I was thinking all of this the other day it just hit me that what if one of the angels were to appear now? How scary would that be? I understand why they told everyone not to be afraid. Could you imagine just standing there and out of the blue there's this Holy being right next to you? What if you were using the restroom at that time? Do you finish or sit there and listen?

Happy Birthday

Nathan's birthday is tomorrow. I can't believe it! My baby will be 2 years old.



I don't know who's more excited about it him or me. I just have so many memories already with him in my stomach (he used to love when I took a bath. When I'd sit in the tub he'd just be kicking and going crazy in there and he loves getting baths now). I remember seeing him in the hospital and bringing him home etc. Just so many wonderful memories in this 2 year time.



We're going to be having a party for him, nothing big just a few guests. Since his birthday is so close to Christmas I want to make a point of always separating it and making sure it's celebrated. I didn't have a party for him last year when he turned 1 and believe it or not I caught a lot of slack for that. We just wanted to celebrate it with just the four of us (Peyton was in my belly). So Sam took off of work and we started the celebration at 12:09 am (when he was born...yes he was still awoke). We let him open his gifts and I'd ordered a banner that said "Happy Birthday Nathan" that we'd hung up in his room.



After he opened gifts we went to bed and the next day we took him to the "Children's Museum" here in Cleveland and we had a blast. It was honestly one of the best days ever. He got to play all day which is great and the museum was perfect for his age. I wanted to take him to Chuckie Cheese's also that day but he fell asleep as soon as he go in the car. When we got home we got him a slice of vanilla cake which he just played with.

He literally started walking without assistance on his B-day. Now he's running and playing and being a wonderful big brother and the perfect son for us :-) I than God for him everyday.

When I crack that whip, everybody gon' trip

This thing is spiraling out of control.

So this morning Peyton decides to wake up at 6:30ish. She popped up wide awake. I wasn't ready to wake up, but had no choice. So by the time I was already fully awake she decides to tuck back in (around 8:00). Nathan wasn't awake and I wasn't sleepy anymore so I turned on the tube. Big mistake.

Britney Spears was on Good Morning America this morning. I guess it's her birthday today and she has a new album coming out and they dedicated most of the show to her and she was performing and everything. Anyway she did a new song called 'Circus'...it was HOT! I liked it better than the 'Womanizer' song that I'd written about before. I don't even listen to secular radio but now I'm starting to hear all this Britney stuff and I'm liking it.

The only thing I didn't like is that she lost weight. I know that sounds cynical but the last time I saw her perform it was on some show and she was kinda flabby and it was all over the news. But I thought it was kind of cool. Being that I've had two children, one by c-section myself it was kind of good to see a star with a gut like mine flaunting it on national television. Now she's gone back to looking like everyone else and where's the originality in that?

What's wrong with me. I know I alluded to being a fan the last time but I was actually joking. Now I hear this song and like it as well, and I'm realizing it's not actually a joke anymore. Am I going to buy the album? No. I'm not going to go that far but I must admit my head started rocking quite a bit to that circus song.

It's ok

I had an interesting conversation with a 14 year old at church yesterday. I'll call the young girl Amy.

I always see the pre teens and teenagers in the bathroom when I go down to feed and change Peyton and I run into Amy nearly all the time down there.

Anyway we were discussing movies cause I told her that my son is a huge Elmo fan and she suggested that I get him a children's book by Tori Spelling. I didn't tell her but of course to me Tori Spelling and children's book don't even sound right in the same sentence. But anyway that's beside the point. I told her I didn't know that Tori Spelling had written children's stories and she went on to tell me that not only has she written children's stories but she left her ex husband for her current husband and not only that her current husband left his ex wife for Tori...ex wife and young infant Amy told me.

Anyway I told Amy that was horrible to hear that. And she said "no it's ok, they're happy now, they weren't happy before."

Are our young people really this twisted now a days to think that it's ok to cheat on your spouse and leave them for no reason other then unhappiness? According to Amy there's no abuse or infidelity...they just weren't happy.

It just really saddened me to hear a young pre teen talk so carelessly about marriage. I know she doesn't know much and doesn't even realize what she's saying but has Hollywood glamorized infidelity so much that it's becoming accepted?

If your spouse isn't making you happy then you should cheat on them? So I should cheat on Sam if he doesn't clean the floor the way I want him too? Or he should cheat on me if I don't vacuum the carpet in two weeks? Should I leave my children when Nathan throws his temper tantrums (believe me those don't make me happy!) Or what about when Peyton doesn't sleep in her own bed! WHAT ARE OUR CHILDREN LEARNING???!!!!

My point is that we all go through periods of unhappiness and just because we got married doesn't mean people from the opposite sex are suddenly unattractive. But to think it's ok to cheat and to justify it is just sad and it's more sad to see that Amy thought nothing was wrong with it. I let her talk the whole time and I looked into her pretty young brown eyes and saw a certain innocence. She really thought what she was saying was fine.

Then I talked to her a little more and sadly found out that her home situation wasn't much different then the situation that she described with Tori Spelling and her husband. So since she was raised in it, it seems ok to her because that's what's normal to her. And even though this young lady is in church every week, she's still walking around thinking that this lifestyle acceptable.

My question is are we dropping the ball? I didn't quite know what to say to this young girl I'll admit because I never was in her situation and thankfully I'm not in it now at home. And I don't want to insult her or her mother (whoever she is, I've never actually met her). But at the same token I wanted her to know and understand how Christ views our sin. That even though we sin everyday - all of us, it's never acceptable whether we're in this type of situation or not. How do I speak to her about it or do I speak to her mother, or just take the time to get to know her better.

Well yesterday I chose just to let her talk and to listen. And I resolved to just get to know her better. I even told her to introduce me to her mother cause I'd like to meet her. And most importantly I'm going to pray for her and her family and God's guidance on dealing with these situations when they come up.