"In school and on TV, every message I get is what I am doing as a mother or wife is wrong," said Vilar. "I should be thinking about a profession and not mothering. Everyone is having babies, and yet they don't want to care for them." taken from Abortion Addict Confesses 15 in 16 Years
So I posted an article the last time titled "Abortion Addict Confesses 15 in 16 Years" and promised a commentary, well here it is.
First my heart really goes out to this woman and women like her. Hear me out. I'm against abortion. I hate it to my core. I've seen the affects abortions have had on people I love. Unless having the baby jeopordizes the health of the mother (for example a tubular pregnancy in which case neither mom or baby would survive) then I'm against it. I'm also outraged when I hear people speak on abortion topics like they have some sort of authority when they really haven't researched it. The title of the artcle may have shocked some people but sadly the fact is most abortions performed are repeats. And most women who have abortions are over 30 married and professional women who don't want a kid or at least another one. Most people like to argue rape and young teen mothers who aren't ready etc. However those scenarios aren't as common in the abortion world as we may think. It's mostly just a method used as a form of birth control.
Now it's sad that this woman has to go into hiding to tell her story which I'm interested to read. I'm not sure from the article if she regrets these abortions or not and would love to know that. Though I'm against abortion I feel we should be careful when dealing with women who've had them. Some may not feel regret but for those who do I'd imagine the pain would be great. And even though I hate their choice I do believe they should be told about restoration in Jesus.
Now some may or may not agree with this next statement but I mostly blame society for huge rise in abortions. It's not popular to be a mom nowadays. Sure it's ok to have them but it's not ok to stay home and raise them. We're teaching women to be afraid of losing everything except the precious time they have with their families. Now we have women who work 50 - 60 hour weeks, and don't have family or close enough friends around to help them out or most of their friends are in their same position and can't offer relief. So they're overworked at their jobs, tired when they get home but still have to find time to care for their families.
Our nation is in horrible debt and it's not just Bush's fault. We as a people have the responsibility to be better spenders. Goodness even Michael Jackson, as rich as he was, lived above his means. And we tell ourselves that now both spouses have to work like dogs to be able to afford to have nice things (which isn't always true). We believe that bigger houses are going to make our kids happier etc. When in all actuality that'll make us happier (myself included) but they could care less. We want moms to wear many hats and still have energy left over for mothering. So given all this, why wouldn't a person think about aborting? Who could possibly have the energy to do all of this and to be honest with you who would want to.
I remember vividly being pregnant, looking at a promotion at work, trying to figure out how me and Sam are going to juggle me working 50+ hours with a new baby coming. Women are told you can have it all. I think women need to be brought up learning there are seasons for everything and you know what, that's ok. It's ok to take time off to just focus on childbearing and raising. It's ok to do that and not feel like they're missing something or losing out or wasting something. It's a beautiful season that's going to come and go. Can women have it all? No. Something is going to lack.
It's a shame that our workforce has bought into this. There are places overseas that give women at least a year off after having a baby. Here the standard is 6 weeks, or three months if you take FMLA. The system sucks. Women do want to do both and in some cases HAVE to, but the American culture is so screwed up that employers, people in charge who probably have children themselves, offer very little support to families. You have your kid, you're expected back in 6-12 weeks the option to go part time isn't always available. For example:
I remember being in a meeting with fellow project managers and managers when I was working and the goal was how do we motivate our employees or people working for our projects to go above and beyond. One manager was complaining about a particular employee. Out of his own mouth, she was a nice woman and a great worker. The issue he had was that she leaves everyday at 4 which was her time to get off mind you. She never stays to put in extra time in the office. Like clockwork he said she'd leave. Well I didn't see nothing wrong with that! He said she left because her son was done with practice at 4:30. She never stayed late because she liked to meet her son at home. The manager never complained to her about this but on her performance review she was docked a few points for not making herself available after 4 because she had to get her child. Other people would stay late for a meeting or to get extra work done if need be so why shouldn't she? The manager point blank said she needs a better reason that going to meet her son, as to why she can never give more. He said everyone else in his department have families yet they still stay if need be. Seriously that was his ONLY complaint on her but for him it was big. Surprisingly several other manager's women included shared his view. All of these managers had families.
Employers need to cut our women some slack. It's hard to be a mom and I'd imagine it's hard to be a working mother. Provide benefits that help our families. For the women who have to work provide better maternity packages to allow more time with families.
And stay at home moms struggle with waiting until their children are of age to get in pre school so they can go back to work and just when that kid is old enough, surprise another baby is on the way, which means if they choose life this child would keep them at home another 3-4 years they hadn't planned on being there so now they're at a crossroads as well. The main comment people get anyway when you say you're home full time is "you can always go back when they're in school." That's the big goal people think and these mothers are reminded of that constantly. And the older your kids get the more the reminders come and the "are you done having kids"? Believe it or not I actually got called a "baby making machine" by someone when we found out about Peyton. So these mothers get no respect either. Some seriously want to work so they no longer have to hear snide remarks about their decision.
Let's not forget the woman who is in her 40s with pre teens and teenagers her then surprise! We as a society tend to rip these women apart and for them it's already hard having a baby they didn't plan on having this late, but are they offered support or encouragement? No.
So am I against abortion? Yes. Most are performed by married 'successful' women ( I do include myself in this succesful category by the way). Contraceptives aren't 100% and it'll be dumb to tell these women to practice abstenance in marriage. But with society as against families the way they are, why be surprised in such a rise in abortions.
-- Post From My iPhone
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Interesting part 1
I just found this article interesting, http://abcnews.go.com/Health/ReproductiveHealth/abortion-addict-admits-multiple-abortions-suicide-attempts/story?id=8594347. Please read and my commentary will follow in another post.
-- Post From My iPhone
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Planning ahead
So the hubby calls from work today to tell me something interesting. He was in charge of planning his departments offsite this year (he did a FANTASTIC job by the way:-) and he had someone from the FBI come and speak. Depending on the job you take with the FBI, there'd be a TON of traveling involved. So much so that it may be hard to have a family. My hubby said he was talking to the guy and asked if it was hard to balance family and work and he answered "Actually my wife stays home full time and my children are home schooled so they can come with me." Sam knew I'd find that interesting.
Lately I've had a few conversations with women who are questioning what it's like to be home full time (to be honest I get asked this A LOT). Now mind you, I'm not the type to state to someone, "you should stay home." Not because I don't think this is the correct way. I'm definitely more for women staying at home then working outside of the home, but when talking to women, I do believe I should be sensitive and it's not so easy to just tell someone what they should do. I don't know their household needs and in some situations it would be hard for people to live off of one income and I understand that. But what I do tell them is to plan ahead for the future.
When talking to a girlfriend recently she was asking me some of the benefits of being at home and I told her I find it nice to be available. That I can truly concentrate on Sam and the children without worrying about work. When Sam got sent on a business trip we were able to go. When Peyton ended up in the hospital I was able to stay with her. No questions asked. I had choices and it was times like these that I really appreciated the flexibility.
So for those of you who aren't married yet or don't have children. Think ahead and start planning now. For those who don't know me well and haven't read my blog before, I was a total career woman in the past. I believed that children should be in daycare and I was going to have my career and in my head I didn't see anything wrong with it. Then I got pregnant and throughout the entire pregnancy I struggled. I made decent money so I spent a lot of time researching the best daycares I could find. We were against home daycares, so I didn't even look there but even the best daycares didn't cut it for me and I struggled with my decision.
Sam and I took that trip back down memory lane today and we both don't remember when we said definitely that we're not going to put Nathan in one. I don't remember what month of pregnancy I was in at the time when we made that choice but I do remember feeling a small sense of relief. Then after Nathan was born I remember when he hit the 6 week mark and I told Sam today that even if I hadn't made the decision before, I definitely would've made it then and not handed him over.
I'm not saying this to say that everyone is going to feel this way when they get to this point. But I want you to know that in the years leading up to Nathan's birth we didn't put a lot of thought and emphasis into our future children other than the fact that we knew we wanted them someday. I used to flirt with the idea of wanting to be home, but I didn't have any reason I felt to pursue this at the time and so Sam and I didn't, and truly I didn't understand how hard of a decision it would be to make. There's so much to take into consideration:
1. Can we afford to do this?
2. Do I really want to give up my career?
3. Is he better off in a daycare around tons of other kids instead of at home with just me?
4. How will I feel leaving him? Can I actually drop him off with virtual strangers?
5. Will I get bored? What will I do at home all day?
6. How's my husband going to handle this situation in the long run?
7. What's the turn over rate in daycare and the screening process?
8. What's it going to be like not getting a paycheck of my own?
9. Even if we can afford to live on one income, do I want to cut back just to stay home?
And I could go on and on with more questions I had. I'm just giving you a few to let you know it's not a decision to take lightly.
So am I implying that you should stay home when you have children. No. I'm actually saying do your planning so you have options. Before you marry see where your future husband stands on this issue. Set up your household so that if you have that baby and change your mind then you can be there with him or her. And if you decide to keep working then have that planned out as well. Where is your child going to stay while you work? Is your job family friendly etc. It's a little something I wish I knew before Sam and I had children. No matter what you say you never know how you're going to feel when you get pregnant. Then you may feel differently again after you actually have your child and look at them. Just be prepared and position yourself so that you have several options instead of just one. Even though Sam and I did it and in the end it's going really well, I believe it would have been a lot better if we'd planned it out. It still would have been a transition but I don't believe it would've had as many bumps in the beginning if we'd set ourselves up differently.
Lately I've had a few conversations with women who are questioning what it's like to be home full time (to be honest I get asked this A LOT). Now mind you, I'm not the type to state to someone, "you should stay home." Not because I don't think this is the correct way. I'm definitely more for women staying at home then working outside of the home, but when talking to women, I do believe I should be sensitive and it's not so easy to just tell someone what they should do. I don't know their household needs and in some situations it would be hard for people to live off of one income and I understand that. But what I do tell them is to plan ahead for the future.
When talking to a girlfriend recently she was asking me some of the benefits of being at home and I told her I find it nice to be available. That I can truly concentrate on Sam and the children without worrying about work. When Sam got sent on a business trip we were able to go. When Peyton ended up in the hospital I was able to stay with her. No questions asked. I had choices and it was times like these that I really appreciated the flexibility.
So for those of you who aren't married yet or don't have children. Think ahead and start planning now. For those who don't know me well and haven't read my blog before, I was a total career woman in the past. I believed that children should be in daycare and I was going to have my career and in my head I didn't see anything wrong with it. Then I got pregnant and throughout the entire pregnancy I struggled. I made decent money so I spent a lot of time researching the best daycares I could find. We were against home daycares, so I didn't even look there but even the best daycares didn't cut it for me and I struggled with my decision.
Sam and I took that trip back down memory lane today and we both don't remember when we said definitely that we're not going to put Nathan in one. I don't remember what month of pregnancy I was in at the time when we made that choice but I do remember feeling a small sense of relief. Then after Nathan was born I remember when he hit the 6 week mark and I told Sam today that even if I hadn't made the decision before, I definitely would've made it then and not handed him over.
I'm not saying this to say that everyone is going to feel this way when they get to this point. But I want you to know that in the years leading up to Nathan's birth we didn't put a lot of thought and emphasis into our future children other than the fact that we knew we wanted them someday. I used to flirt with the idea of wanting to be home, but I didn't have any reason I felt to pursue this at the time and so Sam and I didn't, and truly I didn't understand how hard of a decision it would be to make. There's so much to take into consideration:
1. Can we afford to do this?
2. Do I really want to give up my career?
3. Is he better off in a daycare around tons of other kids instead of at home with just me?
4. How will I feel leaving him? Can I actually drop him off with virtual strangers?
5. Will I get bored? What will I do at home all day?
6. How's my husband going to handle this situation in the long run?
7. What's the turn over rate in daycare and the screening process?
8. What's it going to be like not getting a paycheck of my own?
9. Even if we can afford to live on one income, do I want to cut back just to stay home?
And I could go on and on with more questions I had. I'm just giving you a few to let you know it's not a decision to take lightly.
So am I implying that you should stay home when you have children. No. I'm actually saying do your planning so you have options. Before you marry see where your future husband stands on this issue. Set up your household so that if you have that baby and change your mind then you can be there with him or her. And if you decide to keep working then have that planned out as well. Where is your child going to stay while you work? Is your job family friendly etc. It's a little something I wish I knew before Sam and I had children. No matter what you say you never know how you're going to feel when you get pregnant. Then you may feel differently again after you actually have your child and look at them. Just be prepared and position yourself so that you have several options instead of just one. Even though Sam and I did it and in the end it's going really well, I believe it would have been a lot better if we'd planned it out. It still would have been a transition but I don't believe it would've had as many bumps in the beginning if we'd set ourselves up differently.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Good Hair...
Ok this post is directed more at African/African American women...but of course anyone can read and comment. I just say that because they're probably the only ones who will understand it.
Recently I've been hearing a lot of buzz over the term "good hair" again. I know this term has never left our speech as African Americans, but for some reason I'm hearing it more now. Especially since I have a daughter of my own.
So what is "good hair"? Unfortunately the term is just as negative as the word nigger. "Good Hair" when said by a black person, means hair that is naturally straight, or like a white persons.
Every little black girl is going to deal with this at some point in her life. It's inevitable. I remember in first grade my best friend Shelly was white, with the prettiest, long, blond hair I'd ever seen. And for the life of me I couldn't understand why my hair wasn't like hers. I remember begging my mom to be able to wear my hair down instead of in pigtails and just didn't understand why I couldn't. It didn't help that my mom had what blacks consider to be "good hair". As a little girl I remember my mother being able to wash and dry her hair and not have to go through the straightening, relaxing, and flat ironing etc. And it was extremely thick and beautiful...but mine though thick, was different.
For the longest I was the only black girl in my gymnastics class. By that time my mother used to straighten my hair but of course gymnastics in the summer equals sweating and I'd "sweat my hair out" so the straightening job wouldn't last. It was hard because on the days of our gymnastics meets my coach would want us to look uniform, but I couldn't wear the hairstyles my teammates wore so again I'd look different. Alot of the hair clips they wanted to wear I couldn't wear and that was hard. Though I did used to get a lot of compliments on my hair which helped. But as a black girl it wasn't as easy to just fling my hair into a pony tail. It needed to be "done".
Also swimming in high school sucked. I took swimming lessons as a child so I knew how to swim and didn't see the point in swimming in junior high and high school. You're only given 10 minutes after getting out of the pool to get dressed and get to your next classes. You could always tell the swim weeks in high school, because unless a black girl had braids in her hair or really short hair, then it just looked a mess for those two weeks...
Growing up I had a lot of family members with naturally straight hair so I was around it a lot. I also had some friends with naturally straight hair or hair that didn't require a perm or a straightening comb to be straight. LOL I've also come across a ton of people who claim to have naturally straight hair....that's a whole other post for a whole other day.
The term "good hair" was a curse word in our home. Although my mother's hair was naturally straight she never let me believe mine wasn't just as beautiful and she spent a lot of time learning how to do my hair. She had to learn how to use a straightening comb, etc. and she worked hard at it. She also took the time to find hair dressers who were able to do my hair.
I don't remember the exact time that I grew out of wanting hair that was different than mine, but somewhere along the line I came to not only, like, but love my hair. I could braid it and I could go from straight hair to extremely curly (with the help of a few rollers), my hair is thick and I learned what I needed to do to help it grow etc. It may have been the huge rise in the hip hop culture that helped me appreciate my hair more or maybe it was reaching another level of maturity, I don't know, but I do know that now I absolutely love my hair and I feel my hair is perfect for me.
Now I have a daughter. I was soooo happy when I found out I was having a little girl, but having a child reveals again just how many obstacles we as a people still have to overcome. Believe it or not when my children were born I had people watching them closely to see if they were going to "darken up" or not. I could care LESS what complexion my children were but others around me were so picky about it. Also my daughter especially was watched to see what her hair was going to do. And a lot of black people do not believe in cutting their boys hair the first year. There's absolutely no reason not to, and if you ask ten different black people, you'll get ten different reasons as to why you're not supposed to cut it, but the main reason I hear is you'll mess up the texture...
My daughters hair is beautiful and I love it. I love coming up with ways to do it and I LOVE putting bows in her hair...though I do know one day I'm going to have to explain to her why hers is...different. Why it takes a little work to get a comb through, why she can't just "wash and go" etc. And not only that I'm going to have to teach her how to love hers. I don't know if this is as big a deal with African American boys. My husband and I had a long discussion about this the other day and I don't believe it is from what we discussed so I don't worry about my son as much but with my daughter I know it's going to be an issue.
Now my parents did a WONDERFUL job of explaining it to us. And not only that my parents were adamant about making sure we were in places and around people who looked like us. To some people that sounds prejudice but it's not. We were in a mixed neighborhood and always went to mixed schools. I don't think it's prejudice to want your kids around your race, I think racism comes in when you don't want your kids around any other race but theirs. That's the difference. My parents just made a point in making sure we were not the minorities in our environment. Now I know what you're going to say "if it wasn't for the Little Rock Nineand other trailblazers we wouldn't have the right to go to schools so maybe it was a bad idea for my parents not to make trailblazers out of us"...to that I say don't forget we were born in the 70s...we already had those freedoms to go where we want the trailblazers came before us. My parents had us in mixed environments for a reason. We were allowed to befriend whomever we wanted. But when I had questions or issues with my pigtails, I wasn't the ONLY girl in my church, or school with pigtails. I didn't stick out like a sore thumb. My best friend happened to be white but still there were people there who looked like me and had hair like mine and I really applaud them for making an effort to put me in situations that I could not only learn about people who didn't look like me but also have people around who did look like me. And I was the only black in my gymnastics class as I mentioned above and that's mainly because gymnastics, like golf, and tennis have few blacks in them to begin with, and I had a wonderful coach and made a lot of great friends (some of whom still remember my afro puffs to this day:-)
Peyton one day is going to question her hair, she's going to wonder why her friends of other nationalities can wash their hair everyday, yet she cannot or it will damage her hair. I used to go to a salon where there were white and black hair dressers, and one lady approached me, she was white and we had a wonderful conversation and she said she never realized until she started working at that salon just how much it took to do a black woman's hair. Seriously a white hairdresser will do about 6 people's heads to every 1 black customer. She said she was blown away to witness it and and she loved learning about it (of course there are a ton of white hairdressers out there that know how to style African Americans hair).
As mom I might take a different approach with her. I'm very protective of both of my children although some things they're still going to have to learn on their own but I protect them whenever I can. In talking to Sam the other day I told him that I don't know how to do my natural hair. Seriously I've been straightening my hair and getting relaxers for so long that if I were to go back to my natural hair, I honestly wouldn't know what to do with it. And believe it or not, many black hairdressers don't know how to style natural African/African American hair either. It's not that I'm not proud of my hair, but seriously I only know how to style it with perms and relaxers...it's just all I know. I think I'm going to teach Peyton different. I want her to have pride in her natural hair, and I want to learn how to do it. If she gets a little older and want a relaxer or wants it straightened then I have no problem with that either, but in the meantime I want her to know that her hair is "good" and beautiful and absolutely perfect. I tell her that when I'm combing it. I want her to love and appreciate it. I want her to love everything about her self and improve the things she can improve but appreciate and love how God made her as an African American woman. And to be honest with you that's another beauty in our hair. We can go from Natural, to straighten, to a relaxer, to a jerry curl (if you really want to go back there lol), to curly, to braids, to an afro etc...and I'm proud of that and I want Peyt to be proud of that too.
*Please don't take this post to mean that African/African American women are the only ones with hair issues. I'm not saying that. I'm just writing about my hair and what I can relate to :-)
Recently I've been hearing a lot of buzz over the term "good hair" again. I know this term has never left our speech as African Americans, but for some reason I'm hearing it more now. Especially since I have a daughter of my own.
So what is "good hair"? Unfortunately the term is just as negative as the word nigger. "Good Hair" when said by a black person, means hair that is naturally straight, or like a white persons.
Every little black girl is going to deal with this at some point in her life. It's inevitable. I remember in first grade my best friend Shelly was white, with the prettiest, long, blond hair I'd ever seen. And for the life of me I couldn't understand why my hair wasn't like hers. I remember begging my mom to be able to wear my hair down instead of in pigtails and just didn't understand why I couldn't. It didn't help that my mom had what blacks consider to be "good hair". As a little girl I remember my mother being able to wash and dry her hair and not have to go through the straightening, relaxing, and flat ironing etc. And it was extremely thick and beautiful...but mine though thick, was different.
For the longest I was the only black girl in my gymnastics class. By that time my mother used to straighten my hair but of course gymnastics in the summer equals sweating and I'd "sweat my hair out" so the straightening job wouldn't last. It was hard because on the days of our gymnastics meets my coach would want us to look uniform, but I couldn't wear the hairstyles my teammates wore so again I'd look different. Alot of the hair clips they wanted to wear I couldn't wear and that was hard. Though I did used to get a lot of compliments on my hair which helped. But as a black girl it wasn't as easy to just fling my hair into a pony tail. It needed to be "done".
Also swimming in high school sucked. I took swimming lessons as a child so I knew how to swim and didn't see the point in swimming in junior high and high school. You're only given 10 minutes after getting out of the pool to get dressed and get to your next classes. You could always tell the swim weeks in high school, because unless a black girl had braids in her hair or really short hair, then it just looked a mess for those two weeks...
Growing up I had a lot of family members with naturally straight hair so I was around it a lot. I also had some friends with naturally straight hair or hair that didn't require a perm or a straightening comb to be straight. LOL I've also come across a ton of people who claim to have naturally straight hair....that's a whole other post for a whole other day.
The term "good hair" was a curse word in our home. Although my mother's hair was naturally straight she never let me believe mine wasn't just as beautiful and she spent a lot of time learning how to do my hair. She had to learn how to use a straightening comb, etc. and she worked hard at it. She also took the time to find hair dressers who were able to do my hair.
I don't remember the exact time that I grew out of wanting hair that was different than mine, but somewhere along the line I came to not only, like, but love my hair. I could braid it and I could go from straight hair to extremely curly (with the help of a few rollers), my hair is thick and I learned what I needed to do to help it grow etc. It may have been the huge rise in the hip hop culture that helped me appreciate my hair more or maybe it was reaching another level of maturity, I don't know, but I do know that now I absolutely love my hair and I feel my hair is perfect for me.
Now I have a daughter. I was soooo happy when I found out I was having a little girl, but having a child reveals again just how many obstacles we as a people still have to overcome. Believe it or not when my children were born I had people watching them closely to see if they were going to "darken up" or not. I could care LESS what complexion my children were but others around me were so picky about it. Also my daughter especially was watched to see what her hair was going to do. And a lot of black people do not believe in cutting their boys hair the first year. There's absolutely no reason not to, and if you ask ten different black people, you'll get ten different reasons as to why you're not supposed to cut it, but the main reason I hear is you'll mess up the texture...
My daughters hair is beautiful and I love it. I love coming up with ways to do it and I LOVE putting bows in her hair...though I do know one day I'm going to have to explain to her why hers is...different. Why it takes a little work to get a comb through, why she can't just "wash and go" etc. And not only that I'm going to have to teach her how to love hers. I don't know if this is as big a deal with African American boys. My husband and I had a long discussion about this the other day and I don't believe it is from what we discussed so I don't worry about my son as much but with my daughter I know it's going to be an issue.
Now my parents did a WONDERFUL job of explaining it to us. And not only that my parents were adamant about making sure we were in places and around people who looked like us. To some people that sounds prejudice but it's not. We were in a mixed neighborhood and always went to mixed schools. I don't think it's prejudice to want your kids around your race, I think racism comes in when you don't want your kids around any other race but theirs. That's the difference. My parents just made a point in making sure we were not the minorities in our environment. Now I know what you're going to say "if it wasn't for the Little Rock Nineand other trailblazers we wouldn't have the right to go to schools so maybe it was a bad idea for my parents not to make trailblazers out of us"...to that I say don't forget we were born in the 70s...we already had those freedoms to go where we want the trailblazers came before us. My parents had us in mixed environments for a reason. We were allowed to befriend whomever we wanted. But when I had questions or issues with my pigtails, I wasn't the ONLY girl in my church, or school with pigtails. I didn't stick out like a sore thumb. My best friend happened to be white but still there were people there who looked like me and had hair like mine and I really applaud them for making an effort to put me in situations that I could not only learn about people who didn't look like me but also have people around who did look like me. And I was the only black in my gymnastics class as I mentioned above and that's mainly because gymnastics, like golf, and tennis have few blacks in them to begin with, and I had a wonderful coach and made a lot of great friends (some of whom still remember my afro puffs to this day:-)
Peyton one day is going to question her hair, she's going to wonder why her friends of other nationalities can wash their hair everyday, yet she cannot or it will damage her hair. I used to go to a salon where there were white and black hair dressers, and one lady approached me, she was white and we had a wonderful conversation and she said she never realized until she started working at that salon just how much it took to do a black woman's hair. Seriously a white hairdresser will do about 6 people's heads to every 1 black customer. She said she was blown away to witness it and and she loved learning about it (of course there are a ton of white hairdressers out there that know how to style African Americans hair).
As mom I might take a different approach with her. I'm very protective of both of my children although some things they're still going to have to learn on their own but I protect them whenever I can. In talking to Sam the other day I told him that I don't know how to do my natural hair. Seriously I've been straightening my hair and getting relaxers for so long that if I were to go back to my natural hair, I honestly wouldn't know what to do with it. And believe it or not, many black hairdressers don't know how to style natural African/African American hair either. It's not that I'm not proud of my hair, but seriously I only know how to style it with perms and relaxers...it's just all I know. I think I'm going to teach Peyton different. I want her to have pride in her natural hair, and I want to learn how to do it. If she gets a little older and want a relaxer or wants it straightened then I have no problem with that either, but in the meantime I want her to know that her hair is "good" and beautiful and absolutely perfect. I tell her that when I'm combing it. I want her to love and appreciate it. I want her to love everything about her self and improve the things she can improve but appreciate and love how God made her as an African American woman. And to be honest with you that's another beauty in our hair. We can go from Natural, to straighten, to a relaxer, to a jerry curl (if you really want to go back there lol), to curly, to braids, to an afro etc...and I'm proud of that and I want Peyt to be proud of that too.
*Please don't take this post to mean that African/African American women are the only ones with hair issues. I'm not saying that. I'm just writing about my hair and what I can relate to :-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
