Quotes part 1

Just sharing a few quotes I like and heard on focus on the family today.

"He is no fool who gives up what he can't keep to gain what he can't lose"

"Some women work so hard to make men into good husbands that they fail to be good wives"

"A good marriage is a union of two forgivers"

"Changing your partner is only changing troubles"

"You can make more money but you cannot make more time"

"at the other end of life we're not going to wish we spent another day at the office"

"children are a living message we're going to send to a time we're never going to see"

"Lord if it pleases you, it pleases me...that's a sign of meekness"

"I can't learn to love, if I never learn to forgive"

"God uses those people who offend us to shape and mold and correct us"



-- Post From My iPhone

No Title

I couldn't figure out what to title this one. So it doesn't have one.

My ex sister in law made a point of letting me know what a horrible Aunt I am yesterday. She grew up in a household I guess where the aunts and uncles were really tight with the neices etc. Until I married my husband I never witnessed that kind of aunt and uncles relationship on that level.

Do I have a favorite aunt? Yes it's always been one of my Dad's sisters. I really have nothing bad to say about her. She's just great. We've never had a phone relationship I've just always gone over her house and she feeds us and we leave with Doggie bags and I love laughing with her etc. She's great what can I say.

I have a favorite Uncle too - my mom's oldest brother. I really love that man. He really reminds me of my Grandfather too. We talk maybe once a year.

Bare with me I may have a point. I was always close to my Grandparents and as a mom that's always been the main relationship that mattered with my children. I'm not undermining the others. It's just I never would've come to the conclusion that my children aren't important to their Aunts and Uncles. Whether they called them everyday or once every two years I wouldn't put much thought into it. Would it be nice if they chose to call everyday or once a week- I always felt it was up to them, not a requirement in my book and definitely not an indication of their love for them.

Did hearing the words hurt? They actually did. Especially since two years ago the same person point blank told me "if anything ever happens to us I want you and Sam to raise our son." And i've not acted any different auntwise as I did two years ago. The hardest part about relationships is that people often expect you to act as they would and if you don't then a conclusion can be reached in our minds that may be far from the truth. I'm guilty of this too. I've never had a close phone relationship with any adult ouside my grandparents. No Godparents I know about, I never asked at least. Would it have been nice if my aunts and uncles called more? I guess so but it's not something I think much about. Honestly in this new world of technology I'd prefer a quick email or something anyway.

Can I make excuses for myself being a 'bad' aunt? No, but honestly in this situation it's difficult divorces are ugly and I don't think anything would satisfy her no matter what I do and I prefer to deal with my brother so she'd never know any efforts I have or have not made.

What should I do in the future to be a better Aunt? Honestly not sure but won't deny there's always room for improvement and don't mind suggestions. People show and receive love in different ways I honestly thought I was by making sure my nephew had a good time when around but maybe that's not enough. So I'll take suggestions. I know a lot of you who email me directly will say the obvious "treat them how you'd want to be treated". LOL that advice won't work in this situation as I described above growing up was all about the grandparents and I already have treated all of my neices and nephews how I was treated. So I need something better.
-- Post From My iPhone

The new Christian

I'm so sick of this new Christianity. I see why people who aren't Christians don't want to be. I'm sick of the anything goes faith that basically says we can do whatever we want and there's no consequences.

So sick of talking to people shacking up and giving honor to God for it and telling me how God "spoke" to them yesterday. God doesn't speak while you're living in sin. I'm sick of people doing whatever they want and telling me how God talks to them everyday. Unless God is convicting you of your sin, I doubt He's talking to you. There's many examples in the Bible when God was silent.

Michael Jackson just died and tons of Christians are saying Rest in Peace. Granted we don't know where he went but the last we knew he was a professed muslim. And if we believe our Christian faith to be correct then unless he accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior then he is not Resting in Peace. The Bible clearly said there is only one way.

The funny part of this is other religions know it. Why do you think so many people are against Christianity. It's the only faith that specifically said that unless you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior there is no other way. It seems everyone knows this but Christians themselves.

How do I know all of this. Because I had sin in my life and I still struggle with sin and you know what God forgives but there are still consequences to sin that don't necessarily go away. God does not honor my sin or anyone else's.

We cannot get into heaven living however we want. You can't get there by being a good person either but your life should show some evidence of Christ or your talk is just that. And I'm not saying we're not going to make mistakes along the way, I'm just saying we shouldn't excuse them.

It Doesn't Matter

Three deaths this week in Hollywood. Maybe more I don't know. But three very big ones. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson.

You know what strikes me the most in death, especially death of rich and famous people? It doesn't matter. Hear me out. I'm not saying their death doesn't matter. Death matters no matter who the person is. But here we have people who travelled the world and made millions and were worshipped in a sense. No doubt many people are mourning right now. People who haven't even met any of these people yet feel they know them from watching them grow up.

But sadly their lives are over. Ages 86, 62, and 50. And now they enter into Eternity which is a lot longer than any of the numbers just typed and where did they end up? I honestly don't know and won't suspect, however, now that they're gone everything is left, the riches and the fame and they're left to face the creator who only cares about what they did for Him. Did any of them accept Christ and live out their lives for him? Now it's too late, but will they be like the rich man in the Bible looking up begging to go back and warn their families?

Sam and I were just talking about this the other day. Many people have died and for those who had it all on earth and chose not to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and die and realize that God is real and eternity is spent in one of two places - How would they live their life if they could come back? Would they realize that nothing else matters except what they do for Christ? It'd be interesting to be able to see the change in those people if they were able to come back and do it over. And I told my husband aren't we guilty of the same thing? We have a golden opportunity to let our lives reflect Christ! To be the Christians God has called us to be. Let us not let time run out! If you haven't accepted Christ, then do it. I remember talking to a Jehovah Witness at my house recently who told me that if I choose not to follow their way then after I die I just stay in the ground, I then told her that's not a bad thing actually it doesn't sound like a consequence I just sleep for eternity so to me there's no point in following their way but if I'm right and she's wrong then the consequences are severe (this left her speechless). If you have accepted Christ then start honoring him with more than your words. I know the saying is old but talk is cheap. If we say we're Christians yet live and look like the world then our talk is cheap. Our time is going to run out. Unless the rapture happens first, we have an appointment to keep. We don't know the day or time but it's going to run out and like Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon we're going to leave everything behind. We have second chances while on this earth but we won't have a second chance then and God is only going to care about one thing.

So worth it

I wake up a hour before Peyton, then she wakes up an hour before Nathan. During that time we cuddle and say quick prayers. Then Nathan wakes up full of energy usually and his hugs are tight with a rough edge and thus begins our day. The children are feeling better so their activities have increased. It's summer so a lot of the neighborhood kids are outside playing.

I'm just so thankful right now. I love being home. I was walking around the zoo yesterday, thanking God and thanking Sam for being so appreciative of this arrangement. The day before we went to a kiddie park and had a wonderful time.

Even when Peyton was in the hospital I was thankful to be able to be there myself. I love being home. Even right now it's 9:50 and I'm letting the children sleep in. Peyton's usually up at 8 so I'm guessing she's pretty tired ;-). The windows are open and the birds are chirping. My storms have passed it's 80 degrees. It's so nice to plan the day. I keep activites planned for the children but if we get to them fine - if not - oh well.

I'm in love with being home full time and as time progress and the children grow, my love for being here grows as well. I love watching them discover new things, and taking them on trips. I love researching online- finding new places and things to stimulate them. I love putting them down for naps and greeting Sam after he gets off.

I love being able to console the children at night, knowing the next day we can just relax if we haven't gotten the proper sleep. I love it. This post is more so directed at the mother's or new mothers contiplating leaving work or staying at home with your new baby. You always hear the negatives but not the postives. If you have to work then don't beat youself up over that but if there's a possibility of staying home and you're hesitant or scared-don't be. It's a transition and in the beginning it may be rough, but it's so worth it if you can.

I hear Peyton waking up "talking" so I have to go :-)



-- Post From My iPhone

Lost, Frustration

I was just blogging - had a long thing and the program closed without saving the changes. I want to throw this phone across the room, but of course I won't.


-- Post From My iPhone

Lately

This will be another post with possible misspellings. I'm blogging from my phone and there's no spell check in this app and honestly I don't feel like proofreading.

I've been experiencing the worst migraine headaches lately. They started last week and have just been back to back. I made a Doctor's appt after the second episode. I honestly didn't know what canbe causing them and home remedies weren't working to make them go away.

It was interesting talking to the doc who just wanted to know "what's been going on in my life lately". I told him I didn't think it was stress related but as I began talking my list of "issues" got longer and longer.

•. I wouldn't call myself a neat freak, however I do hate a mess, but with Peyton in the hospital and then with both children still being sick the week after, household work has piled up to the point of unmanageable. And when I have time to work I have a migraine and can't.

•. My two children who were sleeping 10 hours a night constantly wake up screaming for some odd reason. So I really haven'tgotten any sleep in the last three weeks.

•. My 2 yr old is really fascinated with sticking any and everything up his nose (so far today I've pulled out 3 green beans and left the one I couldn't reach) so now I have to watch him like a hawk.

•. Peyton's hospital stay, combined with my husband's annual trip wipes out the possibility of a vacation (it's all a long story).

•. Since it's summer we're getting tons of invited to different places and I'd love to support but just don't feel like it anymore too much running.



But you know in all of this complaining (and I could continue) something happened Sunday that helped for some reason. I was at church and we try to go late so we can at least hear the sermon but the two toddlers were already restless so I decided to leave. And there's a lady there who I met three weeks ago and I'm going to blog about her soon because our initial meeting left such a huge impression on me. But anyway she was in the back row and as I was walking out with the children, she turned around and reached for Peyton.

It was such a simple gesture but I appreciated it so much. She has three children in their pre teen and teenage years so she definitely can relate to missing sermons. But she doesn't know yet but after some stressful weeks that simple gesture of help really helped start this week off right. I talked to her later in the lobby and she said "let me startholding Peyton more so she can get used to me, that way you and Sam only have to worry about Nathan". Do you see why I have to blog about this girl in the future? I didn't ask this or hint-nothing she reached out on her own. Everyone who reads this blog know how much I love the thought of a Titus woman and this person was that to me on Sunday.

Then after church we got to go over our friends house for brunch. A older couple whom we love and admire. And again unknown to them they ministered to us as well. Mr. Riggins has a smile that is so warm and genuine and Mrs. Riggins always comforts me with her motherly words of wisdom (she has three grown children herself). And as Sam and the children sat out on the patio with Mr. Riggins I had a long talk with Mrs. Riggins and she said "let me hug you sweetie" and to be honest it felt do great to be hugged by her as a motherlike figure to me.

So despite everything the week started ok. I only got one migraine this week so far and the medicine helped knock it out. This summer will get better, I'm sure of it :-)
-- Post From My iPhone

10 years ago...

This is something I rarely talk about, but 10 years ago tomorrow one of my best friends, Tanisha Philips, passed away from Aplastic Anemia. I really don't talk about her at all anymore, but for the last 10 years I think about her almost daily. And I wonder where she is right now.

10 years ago I didn't know Christ. I attended church but like a lot of people I didn't know God and throughout Tanisha's sickness we never discussed salvation. To be honest with you she never actually expressed or talked about how sick she really was. She'd been in and out of the hospital but I guess at the time I didn't realize the seriousness of her illness until it was too late.

We were 20 yrs old and I along with our other BFF spoke at her funeral. I didn't go to the gravesite-never saw her tombstone and to be honest with you I never cared to. It was a closed casket funeral which I appreciated. I never saw her in death and my last memory of her was very good.

The Eve of my wedding (June 14, 2002) I had a dream about her- the only dream I've ever had about her and we were laughing and working out together and she apologized to me saying she wouldn't be able to make it to the wedding. I'm not trying to say the dream meant anything. I may have been dreaming about her simply because my wedding was the next day and her absence was felt.

I often wonder if we'd still be close if she were alive or if we'd gone our separate ways. Her death hit me and our other BFF really hard and I remember our conversation the day after. We promised to stay in touch better and 10 years later we continue to talk several times a week.

Another thing I often wonder is; why her? Why out of the three of us did she get sick? And remember when Lazarsu and the rich man died and the rich man wanted to go back and do things differently but of course couldn't. I often wonder how Tanisha and others who've passed would live if they could come back. My husband and I got into this discussion pretty heavy yesterday.

Often we as Christians go about our daily lives forgetting to pray and thank God-maybe we don't realize who God really is. I mean we can't truly fathom God's glory because if we could, if we truly could, would we do the things we do? If we could glance God and still live afterwards how would we change.

Again I don't know where my friend is right now, but I wonder, I really wonder...


-- Post From My iPhone

Finding Humor in everything

It's been a rough week with Peyton in the hospital but I just thought I'd take time and write about the humor that came out of this week. The other stuff can wait until a later post. Oh and expect some possible misspellings-I'm posting from my phone and the app I'm using doesn't have spell check.

FIRST

We arrived at the hospital pretty quick on Sunday. It was am emergency situation when we left the house with Peyton and when we left we had been lounging around the house so we literally went from lounging to running.

As we're sitting in Peyton's emergency room after things calmed down a bit, I got to look at us...we looked HORRIBLE. We literally looked broke, and although we got great treatment I'm one who usually believe you get even better treatment based off of presentation. Thankfully we were treated by good people who saw past appearances. My husband had on an old sleeveless undershirt, no socks, older jogging pants and tennis shoes. I had on an old t-shirt I should've thrown away a long time ago and old pants. Peyton just looked pitiful and her hair was sticking up like Don King and I kept getting questions as to whether she was a boy or girl. She'd just thrown up on her blouse before we'd left so she was shirtless and barefoot. Nathan was the only one who managed to look halfway decent

SECOND

We saw a patient walking around the emergency room barefoot. Eww!

THIRD

The next day my parents came up while I was talking to the nuerologist. The nueroligis was going through the family history part. My parents decided to "help" by ablibbing. They were on the side quietly trying to add other family disorders-the problems were the people in our family they were bringing up haven't been properly diagnosed. We know they're crazy but I don't have a name for their condition and neither do my parents. We just know something's wrong with them. I was trying to think of a nice indiscreet way to shush them in front of the doc.

FOURTH

I was talking on the phone with my husband who was at the hospital. I was on my way there and my husband told me my father-in-law had arrived and him and our 2 year old had gone off for a walk somewhere up the street from the hospital.

As I arrive at the hospital I hear my name called I turn to see my father in law and 2 year old hopping out of someone's car and my father in law thanking them for the ride.

My father in law was so excited about a resturant he'd found and was telling me about it. The whole time though I'm thinking 'who in the world was that who dropped you guys off??!!' Then in my head I was secretly reminded of riding on the hood of my grandfather's tractor as a little girl and decided to let it go.

I later found out the person was someone they'd met in a restaurant that offered them a ride back since they had so much to carry. Of course Grandpa wouldn't hurt Nathan or put him in a situation that was dangerous and I truly feel he'd give his life for any of his grandchildren. Plus him and my mother in law did a wonderful job on Sam. I'm just thankful the cops didn't see Nathan not in a carseat.

And on the humourous side this is creating memories that are going to be priceless one day. If my mother knew half the stuff I did with my grandparents... LOL and too my son was literally having the time of his life.

FIFTH

I went to buy Nathan some new toys he hadn't seen to entertain himself with since initially Nathan was spending a ton of time there.

I had to drop the toys off because I was heading home to rest. The plan was for Sam to come out to the car to get them. He was with the doc though and sent my dad out instead. I'd bought two toys that were similar and wanted Sam to look at them to pick cause I couldn't decide which one Nathan would like better. I briefly explained this to Dad but later I found out that Dad had opened the other toy before Sam saw him and Nathan got one extra toy he wasn't supposed to have.

Well I'll write about this whole ordeal later. It's been a rough rough week watching Peyton out here and even as I type she's still here sleeping in this hospital room for the fourth night. And too I miss my son. This week has been so hectic for all of us and Nathan's sick too though not as bad as Peyton. But a blessing has come out of this, cause Nathan's with Grandpa Murry for the second night in a row and I've even posted before howmuch I'd like him and Peyton to know his grandparents. And I was especially close to my Grandfather so himbeing with his is extra special. I'm sure there's a ton of wonderful bonding going on

And I miss time with Sam we've just been running like crazy and neither have had any rest. But wow what a wonderful man that is. I've already known that but this week has brought it out even more. Such a fantastic father.

And Peyton. I just love that girl so much. And I can't wait to have her home in her own room to see her well and crawling again. Soon though, hopefully real soon. I'd written earlier about storms constantly hitting lately and this has been icing on the cake. It may seem weird but I always pray for God to let it hit me, if he's thinking of letting a trail hit our home especially inthe form of sickness then please spare our children and my husband and let it hit me. But God lets everything happen for a reason I know.

But I'm going to try to get some sleep. It's two in the morning and I'm in Peyton's room watching extenze informercials while she sleeps.
-- Post From My iPhone