The Winner and Reigning Champion

If you notice, I haven't written anything in a few days. That's because I'm totally sleep deprived. Peyton's move isn't going so well. In fact it really isn't going at all. She's officially back in our room. Yes that's right, for right now she's the winner.

The first night I fought her hard. I'd lay her down and creep out of her room and about 20 minutes later I'd hear her wailing and I'd go back in. Please, don't leave me a bunch of comments about what the books say about doing this. I already know what the books say and in a way I don't agree with them. I might eventually have to let her cry it out and I'm not so against that idea, but since we recently just got her the crib she really hasn't spent much time in her room. It's a new place to her and I don't want to abandon her in there and just shut the door, not yet anyway. Yes I would love to have sleep and our bed back but I don't want to do it the wrong way and although I'm agonizing over this issue now it's really just a phase. Nathan's only 2 and I went through something similar getting him to sleep in his bed but honestly I can't remember the entire process now. Anyway I finally got her to sleep solid one time...only to have Nathan wake up with a serious nosebleed that required him to be dipped in the tub. So Sam gave him a bath at 4:00 in the morning and Peyton slept through that and woke up when Nathan was going back to sleep. I can't win!

Now we're taking a different approach and just trying to force her to nap in her room instead (another thing that isn't working). It was funny cause Sam's such a softy. I put her in there during the day to let her cry a little bit and get used to it. She was extremely sleepy yet she didn't want to sleep in her crib. She cried and wailed and I kept going in there to console her and then leave. Well Sam was working from home on Monday while I was doing this and took pity on her and said that we should go get her...I agreed with him although at 3 in the morning he's sleep when she's woke. I'm going to start playing with her in her room to get her used to being in there and we'll just take this one day at a time.

A really positive thing that's come out of this is that I get to rock her to sleep now. I used to rock Nathan all the time but I really haven't had the opportunity with Peyton. From the time she was born it's been me, her and Nathan while Sam's at work and when Sam's home I'd just fling her in our bed and she'd go right to sleep. Now Sam puts Nathan to sleep and I get to spend time rocking and feeding Peyton and it's been really great bonding time. She's such a sweet beautiful little girl and I just love this time with her. It's a very precious time that I'll never get back so I'm just cherishing it in my heart and trying to create memories. After she's fallen asleep in my arms I pull out my ipod and catch up on my "Focus on the Family" ministries. And I get devotional time as well. So the positive aspect is that I have that important bonding time with her and that quiet time with Christ.

I admit it

I know you're all probably wondering what happened last night with Peyton, but that's a long story I'm saving for a later post. Right now I have something that I need to get off of my chest.

I'm ashamed to admit this and to be honest I've been in denial for the last several weeks. Lately though I've been going through the acceptance phase. You know the new song 'Womanizer' by Britney Spears...well I love it! There I said it. Not only that but I find myself singing it a lot and yes I know some of the words. My favorite part is where she says "I got your crazy."

I'm not sure what kind of therapy I may need for this. Maybe someone has some suggestions...

The Exodus

So tonight's the night. Peyton will be leaving our bedroom to sleep in her own.

It's been a long time coming but now she's 6 months old and I feel she's ready. Her brother was in his room when he was 3 months old. Poor Nathan. I was so strict with him (and I don't regret it). I'd said that no child will sleep in the bed with me and Sam and with Nathan I meant it. He never liked his cradle and so he slept in his swing in our room until he was three months and then I moved him into his crib in his room.

Sure he fought it. But I won. At first he'd wake up several times at night and each time I'd rock him and put him back in his bed. One day he realized that he wasn't going to win this fight and gave up.

However, Peyton made a liar out of me and up until this time she's been sleeping in our room...in our bed. And you know what I don't regret it and neither does Sam. I used to force her to sleep in her cradle, but she'd wake up crying in the middle of the night and I'd have to grab her real quick because I didn't want her to wake up the household (especially Nathan). I didn't worry to much when Nathan used to cry because I could rock him and put him right back to sleep and so what if I didn't get much sleep that night cause I'm home anyway so I could just nap whenever he naps.

With Peyton it's not that simple. If she wakes him up then I'll have him crying in his room and her crying with me, and then Sam would probably want to get up and help but I don't want him sleepy at work the next day. So we let Peyton get away with murder.

And you should see her at night. We usually lay her down first and you can see her wiggling and settling into bed. When Sam lays down she'll turn her little face to him. It's kind of cute actually. But lately she's been getting too comfortable - spreading out and carrying on. So now Sam is off until the end of the month starting tomorrow and we've decided that it's time. Peyton's little bags are packed and she's outta here tonight!

Ashy Lips

I get asked by my friends why I always wear lipstick.

Well the main reason is because I love color on my lips. Also Sam enjoys the added color as well so I keep it on.

I also get asked if it's on all the time and if I sleep in it and the answer is yes. Partly because I wear Revlon color stay and you need makeup remover to get it off. Second is so I don't wake up and greet my husband with ashy lips.

You see Sam has an advantage on me. He's an early, early riser. Honestly, this man is up at 6 on the weekends even. I strive to be like the proverbs 31 woman myself but verse 15 disqualifies me where it says "15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day's work for her servant girls. " With two children under the age of two, I'm usually going to sleep around dawn. By the time I wake up, Sam's already been up, washed his face, brushed his teeth etc. Honestly in 6.5 years of marriage I've never seen his lips ashy or chapped and that's just wonderful. So I try to do the same and since he'll see me as soon as I wake up normally, then I at least have the lipstick part already taken care of. (The breath is handled pretty quickly as well.)

Now I may get teased for the constant lipstick wearing but I feel it's a strength in our marriage and may be why we're still trucking. People get divorced for many reasons, most being finances and children etc. But I bet if they were to trace it back, the root issue may have began with crusty, ashy, morning lips.

So I encourage women, even if you don't wear lipstick, keep chap stick or gloss at the bedside!

I'm telling!

Nathan loves playing with Peyton while she's in her bouncer. He'll play with the toys on it with her and she'll reach for him. It's kind of cute to watch. But I have to watch him closely because he loves touching her face (namely her eye). Anyway I stop him whenever he does this so he knows he's not allowed.

So Sam and I were eating dinner today as Nathan and Peyton played with the bouncer. All was going well when I got up from the table to go in the kitchen. All of a sudden Peyton screams at the top of her lungs and starts crying and I turn to see Nathan fleeing the crime scene. He had a look of pure terror on his little face and was running as quick as his toddler legs would carry him. Unfortunately he didn't make it too far, he was so busy getting away from Peyton that he fell as he was running...which generated tears from him. Sam was taking a bite out of his chicken when all of this transpired so he too failed to see what started the whole thing, however, we both came to the conclusion that Nathan was guilty of something, but neither one of us knows what that something was. So this is a secret that him and Peyton will share.

Needless to say we didn't discipline Nathan, the floor handled that part when he fell and whatever he did to Peyton didn't last long because she quit crying right when she got picked up.

But let the record show that today is the first day Nathan's little sister "told" on him.

Make me proud

I noticed when people talk to my children, they usually spend time trying to figure out what they should be when they grow up. I hear things like, "I hope Nathan becomes a doctor" or "Maybe she'll be a lawyer." It's actually fascinating because both of my children are under the age of two and even I, their mom, haven't taken much time to speculate on what I want them to be when they grow up. That may sound bad but really I haven't. I know what I don't want them to be, you know a drug dealer, prostitute, stripper to name a few but I haven't put much thought into what I want them to be yet. Maybe because they're still so little and I'm still caught up in diaper changes and late night feedings. Any other parent knows that when you're going through this stage it's kind of hard to see that far in the future. I have so many milestones that I haven't reached yet that it's just hard for me to look into their adult life. But I do pray for them often and I take it seriously when people tell me that it'll go by fast. I don't want it to - I'm actually in love with these baby and toddler years but the fact of the matter is they're going to grow up.

I mentioned that in an earlier post that the world relies and lifts up titles a lot and in a way that's not really a bad thing. I talk to many parents who'll tell me the dreams they have for their children and that's not a bad thing either I don't think. I remember as a young girl I wanted to be a brain surgeon, and an actress, and singer among many things. It changed all the time but the point was I wanted to be something.

Now I look at my children and I don't quite know what the future holds for them. I know Sam and I want to provide for them and guide them in every way we can and be there for them. I want them to make it in this world. And you know what's the heaviest burden I feel of all. How do I teach them to love Christ?

In reading and studying the Word of God I came across Mark 12:28:30

"28One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"
29"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'"

I know that there's often arguments over the interpretations of Bible verses but to me these are extremely clear. And when we think about the term "Love." How do we show our love for someone?

I know on this earth, there is no one I love more than my husband. I love my children to death too don't get it twisted but I'm a wife first, mother second. Anyway in saying that, I can't think of anything I wouldn't do for my husband. I really appreciate him and try to go out of my way to show him. I try to arrange our day so we'll get a little bit of time to ourselves (with two babies that's really hard, hence the word "try"). I'm here for him emotionally. I'll drop whatever I'm doing if he has an issue or really need to talk and if need be I'd give my life for him. That's true love in my opinion.

Now back to this Love that God commanded us to have for Him. I must admit, that I'm guilty of not loving Him as much as I'm supposed to. I sometimes go throughout my entire day without praying except at night. Sometimes the Bible doesn't get cracked for a week and unfortunately unless my life is in a crisis I forget to praise Him everyday for the wonderful things He's already done. What I'm trying to say is, I fall short on this command daily and I know that my words aren't going to be enough for my children. Who cares if I tell them everyday that they should love the Lord if they don't see Mama putting this love in action?

So it's something that's on my mind as I raise my children because I know that God entrusted them both to our care and it's not a responsibility that we take lightly. Maybe that's why I haven't put too much effort on what I want them to be. They can become that Doctor or Lawyer and yes I'd be proud. But if they become that and not accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, then what did they really accomplish? How will I feel one day bragging about my child's career knowing they haven't accepted Jesus Christ into their life?

I love John 14:6 that says: "6Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." I love it because I've accepted it, and I believe it. But that's me, it's a personal thing and I know that my children are going to be faced with the same choice one day.

So I'm trying not to worry about it because actually Jesus Christ was also clear about worrying. Matthew 6:23-32 told me:

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

And again I know people tend to question interpretations, but to me that's literal. He didn't give me an option when it comes to worry. He said don't do it. And God knew it'd be hard for us as humans not to do. How can you tell us not to worry when there's so much we can worry about? The economy is horrible, my children will have to go to school at some point, who knows what sicknesses may fall upon our family etc. How in the world can God give such a command? To be honest with you I know very few worry free people. My husband is one of them.

I'm telling you this man is the pillar of strength to me. I've never met anyone like him. I really can't think of any time I've ever seen him worried, even when I thought he should have been. That's why I'm so glad God chose him to be my husband and father of my children. He's not perfect but he does practice one thing and I'm learning it as well. To seek God in everything. Matthew 6:33-34 says: "33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

So I've decided to do just that. Seek God's will for Nathan and Peyton's lives. I'm sure God has a purpose for them and as a mom I want to seek God's purpose for them. Who knows, he may want them to become that Doctor or Lawyer and if He does then who knows how He'll use them in that position. But for now I am seeking God for them and for Sam and myself.

I need God's guidance on how to model this Christian walk in front of them. Children know if we're for real or not and they're watching or imitating. Just yesterday I watched Nathan try to put a garbage bag in the garbage can cause he sees Sam do it all the time. I always kiss Peyton and now she grabs my faces for kisses at just 6 months. So I know they're watching us, so what example am I giving them?

I often hear people say "She's just like her mother" or "He's just like his father" when referring to someone. It's funny cause they either say this about the most negative traits or the most positive ones. Or sometimes if it's a negative trait they'll say "I have no clue where he learned that." So one day Nathan and Peyton are going to be grown and no doubt they're going to take into adulthood our negative and positive traits, in other words they may begin look or sound like us. This concept is funny because I even see my husband doing some of the things his father does. He can't help it, he's just imitating things he saw (thankfully he had a wonderful example and I welcome these traits).

As a Christian I should be looking more and more like my Heavenly Father. Jesus provided lifesaving examples in the gospels. After I professed my love for Christ it doesn't stop there, now I'm going through the transformation of trying to look more and more like Him every single day. And I have to because my children are watching me. It's funny because I just heard on the radio recently that in many Christian homes children are leaving the faith. When polled it goes back to the examples they were taught in the home. Even children who went to church all the time are leaving because it wasn't for real when they got home. They see their parents gossip, holding grudges, cursing etc. Peyton and Nathan are watching me and God gave me a responsibility to be an example for them because in the end what I say isn't going to matter as much as what I do...that concept can be overwhelming and downright scary at times.

So I just pray that I take on these Christian traits because my children's most import decision has nothing to do with what grades they get in high school or college, or what career they choose. The most important decision they'll ever make is whether or not they open the door when Jesus knocks and nothing will make me prouder than that.

May I have this Dance...

So Sam and I decided to have a dance contest the other day. I don't know why exactly, I guess because we were watching "Stomp the Yard" on youtube and got inspired. So Sam found some Krump music on line and it was on!

We also let Nathan join us, at 23 months he's not that bad. Actually out of the three of us he probably had the most rhythm. I could see Sam and I aging because we both needed a lot of work. After about 20 minutes of dancing we were both pretty much exhausted. Nathan continued for about an hour as Peyton, Sam, and I looked on. It was a good time. I love to dance. Notice I didn't say that I could dance. I just said that I love to do it. I wasn't blessed with the natural rhythm it takes to make it as a dancer but I'll get up and dance in a minute if some music is on. I'll only retire when Nathan and Peyton are old enough to realize that mom is embarrassing them.

Introduction

Actually my sister-in-law's blog inspired me to do this (Thanks sis!) Maybe this will cut down on the gazillion emails I send a day.

I decided to give myself the title Home Engineer. I used to be a Project Manager in the workforce and when I quit on 12/1/06 I left that title behind and took on the role as full time wife and mother. Though that was extremely common in our Grandparents day and semi common in our parents day it's almost extinct now, due to a lot of reasons...mainly this horrible economy makes it hard to live on one income and some women love working etc.

Anyhow in doing so I quickly learned that when asked what you do for a living people expect some sort of esteemed title and unfortunatly homemaker usually isn't considered one in today's society. Although Sam and I are both happy and proud of what I do, I must admit it does get hard explaining over and over why we chose this path. So since most people care about and are impressed with titles even though they don't always know what those titles mean I decided to give myself one. Hence the title Home Engineer.

This blog isn't to give an opinion on whether women should work outside the home or not. That's a personal decision that should be made between a husband and wife. This is just to chronicle my life not only as a Home Engineer but as someone who left a career behind to do so.

I get a lot of questions on how life has changed and if there are any regrets. Some of you have asked if I miss work or if I get bored at home. So I'll answer those gladly. It's something I actually love talking about so I'll post what I go through regularly and also I'll keep you informed on how life is in the Murry household! I love feedback and don't mind the tough questions!

God Bless!