Can I do This

I have a horrible migraine. I want to sleep and at the same time I don't want to. I'm just wondering if I can do this. I know there's no choice but Lord can I do this????

Chemo is tomorrow and Nathan is starting to act better. But Lord next week is his hospital stay when he'll be knocked back down again.

I just found a survivor story online. I contacted the mother who left a number for me to call her. Her daughter's situation was similar to Nathan's. But Lord as I read her journey online, the ups and downs, I just don't know if I can do this.

Lord I need strength so badly, not sure if I can do this. It's still the beginning, but Father I don't want to go through this.

What if Nathan gets a fever? What about the side effects from radiation? What about the sores in his mouth from Chemo? Lord the nausea? I just can't do this.

Lord how will I know what is causing him pain? His vocabulary is so limited, how will I know?

Lord give me the confidence of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendigo when they entered the furnace. Grant me just 1% of Solomon's wisdom. Give me the same heart as Hannah help me to entrust my only son into your care.

Lord you love Nathan. You made him and you know him. Give him peace. I'm not sure how much his young mind can understand right now. Heal his little body. I know we have to go through but Father please go easy on him. Calm him Lord. Hold him in your arms.

Lord is there anyway I can take his place? Can I please take his place, my life for his, my body for his?

Spare my child Lord. I know I don't deserve to have this answered any more than the next person. But I'm going to be asking it for awhile. Please spare him, let him grow up, get married and grow old serving you.

I know you'll get us through this no matter what. Lord you talk about peace that passes all understanding, Daniel had it in the lion's den, Paul wrote about being content. It exists, I know it does, Lord I need that, not just for me but for Sam and Nathan also.

Lastly Lord I thank you. I thank you for blessing me with my children. I thank you for a wonderful child like Nathan. Lord strange enough I thank you for trusting me with such a huge responsibility, especially since I don't trust myself. I thank you for a Godly, strong husband like Sam and a bright beautiful innocent daughter like Peyton. I thank you that Peyton is to young to understand this. I thank you for friends and family who have surrounded us. I just thank you for hearing my prayers. I thank you for everyone taking time to pray for us. There's so many people out there praying similar prayers I just thank you for the oppurtunity to present mine.

Lord help me to do this. To be strong for Nathan, it's such a long road I don't want to crash and burn now. Lord just please help me do this. In Jesus name Amen

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone