I was at my son's gymboree class last week and had an interesting conversation with a Nanny. Now being a stay at home mom, I meet a ton of different people as I'm out with my children. I have Nathan and Peyton involved in several things and coming across a child and his/her nanny isn't uncommon though to me it still strikes me as weird.
A nanny is a lot more than a baby sitter and when I'm out I do run into children and their babysitters as well, they're pretty easy to spot. A child and a nanny isn't (unless of course the nationalities are different). But they're very hard to spot because most times you'd just assume the child was with their mommy.
And I must admit I'm extremely jealous of some of these Nannies. I had a long conversation with one named Lindsey last Thursday. Ironically she was from my husband's hometown and though she was 4 years younger than me and had no children of her own, she had a ton of experience and gave me the best advice on potty training I'd ever gotten. Seriously no mother has ever given me methods such as hers. She's potty trained three and she attended Alexandria School in Solon, OH. She's already been a nanny to twins in Canada, as well as the family she's currently with now. The perks of her job are phenomenal. Not only is her salary higher than I'd guess most people's are, but it also comes with room and board and a car. When she becomes a mother to her own children, I can just imagine the experience she's going to bring to the table.
But the thing that saddened me and I point blank asked her is "aren't you technically raising the children yourself?" The answer obviously is yes. Right now she's a nanny to a family of two attourney's. It's obvious the little girls parents are very successful, though I see they're missing so much they can't get back to chase something for a child who could care less... Am I saying one of the parents should stay home? Not necessarily, but I am saying they should have a little more time for their child. When it gets to the point that the nanny is attending classes, and baseball games, and spelling bees instead of of mommy or daddy, then I think some priorities need adjusting. I do remember when I used to work I met with one of the executives, named Tom and he gave my team the best bit of advice ever. You can get your job back but not time with your family. Tom had a strict rule, no anything after 4:00 - meetings, phone calls, etc. After 4 he went home and this particular day he had to be at a ball game for his niece so he wasn't about to let the meeting run over. And he reported directly to the CEO and had an office overlooking the browns stadium yet he always said it didn't compare to family.
You see some people have this concept down. Yet others and I'm sad to say, especially women struggle in this area horribly. If someone else is literally raising your child in this way, then I think maybe priorities should be question. Not all but some nannies are paid so well that it's obviously a very important job. Most nanny position require the nanny to enter into a 1 to 2 year contract so that the child has some normalcy. Nannies are required to work at least 16 to 18 hours a day and do some of the house hold cleaning. They're also responsible for teaching the child manners, and basic things about life etc.
I think women need to check themselves. Nannies no matter how fantastic can't replace the love of a mother and father. Quit letting someone else enjoy our children.
I read an interesting quote in a community on circle of moms:
"while I was in college I was a summer Nanny for families in Chicago and I saw how much my little charges missed they're Moms and Dads who sometimes only spent a few hours a week with them. Yes some of these kids got everything they wanted financially and they weren't starving for food but some were starving for Mommy and Daddy's attention and Love. because lets face it no matter how much I gave them I wasn't there Mom."
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Good Hair...
Ok this post is directed more at African/African American women...but of course anyone can read and comment. I just say that because they're probably the only ones who will understand it.
Recently I've been hearing a lot of buzz over the term "good hair" again. I know this term has never left our speech as African Americans, but for some reason I'm hearing it more now. Especially since I have a daughter of my own.
So what is "good hair"? Unfortunately the term is just as negative as the word nigger. "Good Hair" when said by a black person, means hair that is naturally straight, or like a white persons.
Every little black girl is going to deal with this at some point in her life. It's inevitable. I remember in first grade my best friend Shelly was white, with the prettiest, long, blond hair I'd ever seen. And for the life of me I couldn't understand why my hair wasn't like hers. I remember begging my mom to be able to wear my hair down instead of in pigtails and just didn't understand why I couldn't. It didn't help that my mom had what blacks consider to be "good hair". As a little girl I remember my mother being able to wash and dry her hair and not have to go through the straightening, relaxing, and flat ironing etc. And it was extremely thick and beautiful...but mine though thick, was different.
For the longest I was the only black girl in my gymnastics class. By that time my mother used to straighten my hair but of course gymnastics in the summer equals sweating and I'd "sweat my hair out" so the straightening job wouldn't last. It was hard because on the days of our gymnastics meets my coach would want us to look uniform, but I couldn't wear the hairstyles my teammates wore so again I'd look different. Alot of the hair clips they wanted to wear I couldn't wear and that was hard. Though I did used to get a lot of compliments on my hair which helped. But as a black girl it wasn't as easy to just fling my hair into a pony tail. It needed to be "done".
Also swimming in high school sucked. I took swimming lessons as a child so I knew how to swim and didn't see the point in swimming in junior high and high school. You're only given 10 minutes after getting out of the pool to get dressed and get to your next classes. You could always tell the swim weeks in high school, because unless a black girl had braids in her hair or really short hair, then it just looked a mess for those two weeks...
Growing up I had a lot of family members with naturally straight hair so I was around it a lot. I also had some friends with naturally straight hair or hair that didn't require a perm or a straightening comb to be straight. LOL I've also come across a ton of people who claim to have naturally straight hair....that's a whole other post for a whole other day.
The term "good hair" was a curse word in our home. Although my mother's hair was naturally straight she never let me believe mine wasn't just as beautiful and she spent a lot of time learning how to do my hair. She had to learn how to use a straightening comb, etc. and she worked hard at it. She also took the time to find hair dressers who were able to do my hair.
I don't remember the exact time that I grew out of wanting hair that was different than mine, but somewhere along the line I came to not only, like, but love my hair. I could braid it and I could go from straight hair to extremely curly (with the help of a few rollers), my hair is thick and I learned what I needed to do to help it grow etc. It may have been the huge rise in the hip hop culture that helped me appreciate my hair more or maybe it was reaching another level of maturity, I don't know, but I do know that now I absolutely love my hair and I feel my hair is perfect for me.
Now I have a daughter. I was soooo happy when I found out I was having a little girl, but having a child reveals again just how many obstacles we as a people still have to overcome. Believe it or not when my children were born I had people watching them closely to see if they were going to "darken up" or not. I could care LESS what complexion my children were but others around me were so picky about it. Also my daughter especially was watched to see what her hair was going to do. And a lot of black people do not believe in cutting their boys hair the first year. There's absolutely no reason not to, and if you ask ten different black people, you'll get ten different reasons as to why you're not supposed to cut it, but the main reason I hear is you'll mess up the texture...
My daughters hair is beautiful and I love it. I love coming up with ways to do it and I LOVE putting bows in her hair...though I do know one day I'm going to have to explain to her why hers is...different. Why it takes a little work to get a comb through, why she can't just "wash and go" etc. And not only that I'm going to have to teach her how to love hers. I don't know if this is as big a deal with African American boys. My husband and I had a long discussion about this the other day and I don't believe it is from what we discussed so I don't worry about my son as much but with my daughter I know it's going to be an issue.
Now my parents did a WONDERFUL job of explaining it to us. And not only that my parents were adamant about making sure we were in places and around people who looked like us. To some people that sounds prejudice but it's not. We were in a mixed neighborhood and always went to mixed schools. I don't think it's prejudice to want your kids around your race, I think racism comes in when you don't want your kids around any other race but theirs. That's the difference. My parents just made a point in making sure we were not the minorities in our environment. Now I know what you're going to say "if it wasn't for the Little Rock Nineand other trailblazers we wouldn't have the right to go to schools so maybe it was a bad idea for my parents not to make trailblazers out of us"...to that I say don't forget we were born in the 70s...we already had those freedoms to go where we want the trailblazers came before us. My parents had us in mixed environments for a reason. We were allowed to befriend whomever we wanted. But when I had questions or issues with my pigtails, I wasn't the ONLY girl in my church, or school with pigtails. I didn't stick out like a sore thumb. My best friend happened to be white but still there were people there who looked like me and had hair like mine and I really applaud them for making an effort to put me in situations that I could not only learn about people who didn't look like me but also have people around who did look like me. And I was the only black in my gymnastics class as I mentioned above and that's mainly because gymnastics, like golf, and tennis have few blacks in them to begin with, and I had a wonderful coach and made a lot of great friends (some of whom still remember my afro puffs to this day:-)
Peyton one day is going to question her hair, she's going to wonder why her friends of other nationalities can wash their hair everyday, yet she cannot or it will damage her hair. I used to go to a salon where there were white and black hair dressers, and one lady approached me, she was white and we had a wonderful conversation and she said she never realized until she started working at that salon just how much it took to do a black woman's hair. Seriously a white hairdresser will do about 6 people's heads to every 1 black customer. She said she was blown away to witness it and and she loved learning about it (of course there are a ton of white hairdressers out there that know how to style African Americans hair).
As mom I might take a different approach with her. I'm very protective of both of my children although some things they're still going to have to learn on their own but I protect them whenever I can. In talking to Sam the other day I told him that I don't know how to do my natural hair. Seriously I've been straightening my hair and getting relaxers for so long that if I were to go back to my natural hair, I honestly wouldn't know what to do with it. And believe it or not, many black hairdressers don't know how to style natural African/African American hair either. It's not that I'm not proud of my hair, but seriously I only know how to style it with perms and relaxers...it's just all I know. I think I'm going to teach Peyton different. I want her to have pride in her natural hair, and I want to learn how to do it. If she gets a little older and want a relaxer or wants it straightened then I have no problem with that either, but in the meantime I want her to know that her hair is "good" and beautiful and absolutely perfect. I tell her that when I'm combing it. I want her to love and appreciate it. I want her to love everything about her self and improve the things she can improve but appreciate and love how God made her as an African American woman. And to be honest with you that's another beauty in our hair. We can go from Natural, to straighten, to a relaxer, to a jerry curl (if you really want to go back there lol), to curly, to braids, to an afro etc...and I'm proud of that and I want Peyt to be proud of that too.
*Please don't take this post to mean that African/African American women are the only ones with hair issues. I'm not saying that. I'm just writing about my hair and what I can relate to :-)
Recently I've been hearing a lot of buzz over the term "good hair" again. I know this term has never left our speech as African Americans, but for some reason I'm hearing it more now. Especially since I have a daughter of my own.
So what is "good hair"? Unfortunately the term is just as negative as the word nigger. "Good Hair" when said by a black person, means hair that is naturally straight, or like a white persons.
Every little black girl is going to deal with this at some point in her life. It's inevitable. I remember in first grade my best friend Shelly was white, with the prettiest, long, blond hair I'd ever seen. And for the life of me I couldn't understand why my hair wasn't like hers. I remember begging my mom to be able to wear my hair down instead of in pigtails and just didn't understand why I couldn't. It didn't help that my mom had what blacks consider to be "good hair". As a little girl I remember my mother being able to wash and dry her hair and not have to go through the straightening, relaxing, and flat ironing etc. And it was extremely thick and beautiful...but mine though thick, was different.
For the longest I was the only black girl in my gymnastics class. By that time my mother used to straighten my hair but of course gymnastics in the summer equals sweating and I'd "sweat my hair out" so the straightening job wouldn't last. It was hard because on the days of our gymnastics meets my coach would want us to look uniform, but I couldn't wear the hairstyles my teammates wore so again I'd look different. Alot of the hair clips they wanted to wear I couldn't wear and that was hard. Though I did used to get a lot of compliments on my hair which helped. But as a black girl it wasn't as easy to just fling my hair into a pony tail. It needed to be "done".
Also swimming in high school sucked. I took swimming lessons as a child so I knew how to swim and didn't see the point in swimming in junior high and high school. You're only given 10 minutes after getting out of the pool to get dressed and get to your next classes. You could always tell the swim weeks in high school, because unless a black girl had braids in her hair or really short hair, then it just looked a mess for those two weeks...
Growing up I had a lot of family members with naturally straight hair so I was around it a lot. I also had some friends with naturally straight hair or hair that didn't require a perm or a straightening comb to be straight. LOL I've also come across a ton of people who claim to have naturally straight hair....that's a whole other post for a whole other day.
The term "good hair" was a curse word in our home. Although my mother's hair was naturally straight she never let me believe mine wasn't just as beautiful and she spent a lot of time learning how to do my hair. She had to learn how to use a straightening comb, etc. and she worked hard at it. She also took the time to find hair dressers who were able to do my hair.
I don't remember the exact time that I grew out of wanting hair that was different than mine, but somewhere along the line I came to not only, like, but love my hair. I could braid it and I could go from straight hair to extremely curly (with the help of a few rollers), my hair is thick and I learned what I needed to do to help it grow etc. It may have been the huge rise in the hip hop culture that helped me appreciate my hair more or maybe it was reaching another level of maturity, I don't know, but I do know that now I absolutely love my hair and I feel my hair is perfect for me.
Now I have a daughter. I was soooo happy when I found out I was having a little girl, but having a child reveals again just how many obstacles we as a people still have to overcome. Believe it or not when my children were born I had people watching them closely to see if they were going to "darken up" or not. I could care LESS what complexion my children were but others around me were so picky about it. Also my daughter especially was watched to see what her hair was going to do. And a lot of black people do not believe in cutting their boys hair the first year. There's absolutely no reason not to, and if you ask ten different black people, you'll get ten different reasons as to why you're not supposed to cut it, but the main reason I hear is you'll mess up the texture...
My daughters hair is beautiful and I love it. I love coming up with ways to do it and I LOVE putting bows in her hair...though I do know one day I'm going to have to explain to her why hers is...different. Why it takes a little work to get a comb through, why she can't just "wash and go" etc. And not only that I'm going to have to teach her how to love hers. I don't know if this is as big a deal with African American boys. My husband and I had a long discussion about this the other day and I don't believe it is from what we discussed so I don't worry about my son as much but with my daughter I know it's going to be an issue.
Now my parents did a WONDERFUL job of explaining it to us. And not only that my parents were adamant about making sure we were in places and around people who looked like us. To some people that sounds prejudice but it's not. We were in a mixed neighborhood and always went to mixed schools. I don't think it's prejudice to want your kids around your race, I think racism comes in when you don't want your kids around any other race but theirs. That's the difference. My parents just made a point in making sure we were not the minorities in our environment. Now I know what you're going to say "if it wasn't for the Little Rock Nineand other trailblazers we wouldn't have the right to go to schools so maybe it was a bad idea for my parents not to make trailblazers out of us"...to that I say don't forget we were born in the 70s...we already had those freedoms to go where we want the trailblazers came before us. My parents had us in mixed environments for a reason. We were allowed to befriend whomever we wanted. But when I had questions or issues with my pigtails, I wasn't the ONLY girl in my church, or school with pigtails. I didn't stick out like a sore thumb. My best friend happened to be white but still there were people there who looked like me and had hair like mine and I really applaud them for making an effort to put me in situations that I could not only learn about people who didn't look like me but also have people around who did look like me. And I was the only black in my gymnastics class as I mentioned above and that's mainly because gymnastics, like golf, and tennis have few blacks in them to begin with, and I had a wonderful coach and made a lot of great friends (some of whom still remember my afro puffs to this day:-)
Peyton one day is going to question her hair, she's going to wonder why her friends of other nationalities can wash their hair everyday, yet she cannot or it will damage her hair. I used to go to a salon where there were white and black hair dressers, and one lady approached me, she was white and we had a wonderful conversation and she said she never realized until she started working at that salon just how much it took to do a black woman's hair. Seriously a white hairdresser will do about 6 people's heads to every 1 black customer. She said she was blown away to witness it and and she loved learning about it (of course there are a ton of white hairdressers out there that know how to style African Americans hair).
As mom I might take a different approach with her. I'm very protective of both of my children although some things they're still going to have to learn on their own but I protect them whenever I can. In talking to Sam the other day I told him that I don't know how to do my natural hair. Seriously I've been straightening my hair and getting relaxers for so long that if I were to go back to my natural hair, I honestly wouldn't know what to do with it. And believe it or not, many black hairdressers don't know how to style natural African/African American hair either. It's not that I'm not proud of my hair, but seriously I only know how to style it with perms and relaxers...it's just all I know. I think I'm going to teach Peyton different. I want her to have pride in her natural hair, and I want to learn how to do it. If she gets a little older and want a relaxer or wants it straightened then I have no problem with that either, but in the meantime I want her to know that her hair is "good" and beautiful and absolutely perfect. I tell her that when I'm combing it. I want her to love and appreciate it. I want her to love everything about her self and improve the things she can improve but appreciate and love how God made her as an African American woman. And to be honest with you that's another beauty in our hair. We can go from Natural, to straighten, to a relaxer, to a jerry curl (if you really want to go back there lol), to curly, to braids, to an afro etc...and I'm proud of that and I want Peyt to be proud of that too.
*Please don't take this post to mean that African/African American women are the only ones with hair issues. I'm not saying that. I'm just writing about my hair and what I can relate to :-)
Friday, July 24, 2009
Being the best
I saw a report on Beyonce the other day. I'll admit, I'm not a huge fan, though I'd be outright lying if I denied liking some of her music. The girl's got talent and recently Forbes named her the Highest paid star under 30. Which is a pretty huge accomplishment. That made me go on Youtube and look her up. I wanted to see a biography on her. I'm curious when I hear about people being the best in their field. There's a ton of singers, entrepreneurs, actors, actresses, doctors, teachers etc. But few ever are recognized for being the best. That seems hard to do and when I see someone deemed the best in their field I'm always curious about their work ethic.
So anyway I found a biography on Beyonce that was actually quite interesting and very quickly came to realize why she entered a very competitive field and was able to surpass so many people who were already in it and ultimately dominate it. The music industry already had their envogues, TLC, Allure (if you can remember them), 3LW etc. All these different girl groups. So what made Destiny's Child the best? One person and that was having Beyonce in the group. Also having Matthew and Tina as parents.
The Biography report had her old Destiny Child members on talking about her as well as her parents. And something they said struck me. Beyonce is probably the hardest working woman in show business and she was always thinking outside of the box. One of the members said she'd come up with stuff for them to do, routines if you will, before going out on stage and it'd be something so incredibly outrageous but when they performed it...well it worked. After leaving Destiny's Child she went on to be the number one female entertainer.
I can't leave her parents out. He father quit his high paying job as a sales person to manage the group and his wife said that for awhile he seemed almost obsessed with the girls singing group. After Beyonces group lost on Star Search he asked Ed McMahn for advice.
I know you're wondering why am I writing so much about Beyonce, especially since I already said I'm not a huge fan per se. And I know you may feel what I'm saying about her may contradict some of my earlier post regarding music etc. But I guess her life intrigued me. Not because I care about stardom and I really don't want my children in that industry but it intrigued me because as children of God we should strive to be the best in whatever we do. And our motivation should be to please Christ.
I was just convicted when watching it because I can be better at so many things yet laziness sometimes holds me back. I know I can blame it on being tired, with two children, blah, blah blah. But sometimes that's not it. Just plain old laziness. People who succeed in life are hard workers. Period. And even when they run into rough situations that seem impossible to get over they still figure out away to make it through. They don't give up. Ed McMahn told Beyonces Dad something interesting. He said believe it or not the people who were the most successful are the people who lost on star search. He said rarely do the winners go on to be anything, but rather the losers have a better chance. Interesting. He said those people if they choose not to give up, analyze their performance and figure out how to do it better and that makes a difference in their success.
So anyway it was interesting. Beyonce's living her dream because of her hard work. Everyone's dream job is different. I never knew this would be it to be honest with you but I find being a homemaker exciting and I always want to be the best at what I do and I've said in the past I want to be the best at loving the Lord, being a Godly wife and a good mother. I put a lot of focus on my marriage and a huge focus on motherhood. There's so much going on now as the children are growing so fast. Nathan's language is progressing and I'm so proud of him. Peyton is starting to use words and she knows sign language and she's working on her walking. I set goals for myself and the children all the time. Right now one of my main goals is to continue to move the children forward, especially in the areas that need the most attention. I try to come up with new and creative ways to teach Nathan and Peyton things. I'm really interested in their personalities and how they learn. There's going to be tons of mistakes along the way but I still want to be the best wife and mother I can be for my family :-)
So anyway I found a biography on Beyonce that was actually quite interesting and very quickly came to realize why she entered a very competitive field and was able to surpass so many people who were already in it and ultimately dominate it. The music industry already had their envogues, TLC, Allure (if you can remember them), 3LW etc. All these different girl groups. So what made Destiny's Child the best? One person and that was having Beyonce in the group. Also having Matthew and Tina as parents.
The Biography report had her old Destiny Child members on talking about her as well as her parents. And something they said struck me. Beyonce is probably the hardest working woman in show business and she was always thinking outside of the box. One of the members said she'd come up with stuff for them to do, routines if you will, before going out on stage and it'd be something so incredibly outrageous but when they performed it...well it worked. After leaving Destiny's Child she went on to be the number one female entertainer.
I can't leave her parents out. He father quit his high paying job as a sales person to manage the group and his wife said that for awhile he seemed almost obsessed with the girls singing group. After Beyonces group lost on Star Search he asked Ed McMahn for advice.
I know you're wondering why am I writing so much about Beyonce, especially since I already said I'm not a huge fan per se. And I know you may feel what I'm saying about her may contradict some of my earlier post regarding music etc. But I guess her life intrigued me. Not because I care about stardom and I really don't want my children in that industry but it intrigued me because as children of God we should strive to be the best in whatever we do. And our motivation should be to please Christ.
I was just convicted when watching it because I can be better at so many things yet laziness sometimes holds me back. I know I can blame it on being tired, with two children, blah, blah blah. But sometimes that's not it. Just plain old laziness. People who succeed in life are hard workers. Period. And even when they run into rough situations that seem impossible to get over they still figure out away to make it through. They don't give up. Ed McMahn told Beyonces Dad something interesting. He said believe it or not the people who were the most successful are the people who lost on star search. He said rarely do the winners go on to be anything, but rather the losers have a better chance. Interesting. He said those people if they choose not to give up, analyze their performance and figure out how to do it better and that makes a difference in their success.
So anyway it was interesting. Beyonce's living her dream because of her hard work. Everyone's dream job is different. I never knew this would be it to be honest with you but I find being a homemaker exciting and I always want to be the best at what I do and I've said in the past I want to be the best at loving the Lord, being a Godly wife and a good mother. I put a lot of focus on my marriage and a huge focus on motherhood. There's so much going on now as the children are growing so fast. Nathan's language is progressing and I'm so proud of him. Peyton is starting to use words and she knows sign language and she's working on her walking. I set goals for myself and the children all the time. Right now one of my main goals is to continue to move the children forward, especially in the areas that need the most attention. I try to come up with new and creative ways to teach Nathan and Peyton things. I'm really interested in their personalities and how they learn. There's going to be tons of mistakes along the way but I still want to be the best wife and mother I can be for my family :-)
Monday, July 13, 2009
Can't put a pricetag on it
This post is kind of directed more so at my SAHM buddies.
My husband and I got into an interesting conversation today. We were talking about the age old struggle (one of the age old struggles I'd imagine there's many others to choose from) of why women struggle so much with choosing to stay home vs. working a job.
I think I said this before that when first walking away from work it was a huge struggle. I really felt like I was giving up something I'd worked so hard for just to stay home and possibly be bored with a baby. And when I first went home I felt that it'd really only be until my children entered school. But since decided that unless the hubby wants me to work I'd like for this arrangement to be permanent. But my husband and I were talking and I told him that a lot of SAHM's still struggle with missing work and he was wondering why. After all he said if he was able to leave his job and stay home he'd be fine with it. (Keep in mind that my hubby runs a website so if he were to come home he'd be doing that full time which is what he really wants anyhow, me too I might add). But if we didn't need the income that his work provides then he'd have no problem leaving and to be honest with you I totally believe him. So why, he's wondering do some women struggle with this feeling as if they're missing something when home instead of at work. Why such discontentment among SAHM's? And I know quite a few SAHM's now and I'm not saying they're not all content but I truly only know one other who would want to make staying at home permanent after the kids are in school. The rest do really like being at home but at the same time can't wait to go back to work.
I guess I have a different mindset. I think I said in an earlier post that I don't care what my children become as long as their profession honors Christ. And not to contradict that earlier post but of course I'm going to encourage them in different areas. However I don't share the same attachment to work that some women have for several reasons:
Call me shallow but I like things big and expensive and never wanted to be middle class. I'm thrifty out of necessity not out of desire. I want to live in a gated community with a 10,000+ square ft home (and someone else to clean it) with the vehicle of my choosing. To some that's unbiblical to state you want to be rich but I don't care. It's not a life long goal or an obsession of mine by any means but I'll be real I want more money. I'm content with where I am right now but I still believe on improving and if we're going to get to that upper 6 and 7 digits we're not going to do it pushing any one's time clock. Someone once said Job stands for Just Over Broke and I echo that sentiment. Some may argue that if I were to go back to work I may have some of these things. If you think that, you still don't understand my mindset. I want those things and I want to pay cash for them. No financing etc. I want the 10,000+ sq ft home and I want it paid in full...I told you I don't think like most people and neither does Sam. I will not have that going back to being a project manager. And moving up in the system to get to this position I'm talking about will take FOREVER. Will I ever have this being at home? With our website I honestly believe we will one day (Sam's work is beyond amazing). With working a job, we won't.
Am I in to prosperity preaching? No I'm not. I don't believe in teaching God wants you to be rich etc. as the Joel Olsteens of the world do. I do believe in doing the best you can with the talents that God has given you. I don't believe that verse says it's wrong for people to be rich I just believe it's saying it's wrong for people to love money more than they love Christ and that's what I believe and what I'll tell my children. But that doesn't' mean they have to stay broke either. They just have to put everything in the right prospective. It's a goal we have, we don't walk around the house verbalizing it all the time, we both know the goal and end result and the amount of work it'll take to get there and other then this post it never comes up in conversation with anyone outside our home. In the meantime we just stay busy working towards it.
It was very soon after graduation and landing our first jobs that Sam and I realized that working in this field (and in most other fields) we're not going to make as much as we'd like to make. I don't consider 60 and 70 thousand a lot of money. That's just me. Other's don't have to agree but I really want financial freedom and most careers or jobs don't do that. I don't care if you're senior manager, you're still counting dollars.
In saying that I was never content in any job I was working anyhow. As much as I loved it I wanted to make more. You work like a dog. You get told how great you're doing and if the company needs to cut you then they cut you regardless. If you want to take a vacation you have to get someone to cover your projects for you or your shift depending on how your job works and you have a set amount of vacation days each year. I've worked some jobs where you have to accrue vacation days which was really hard 5.25 vacation days every two weeks - do you have any idea how long that'll take to accrue 40 hours!!! I still at that time didn't think I'd be home but I knew I wasn't huge on the working hard thing for a salary I deemed too low. And when raise time came around, guess what you get? 5% (sometimes a little higher but still not high enough in my opinion).
So let me back up a bit, when talking with the hubby I told him I was asked how we'd handle Peyton. After all doesn't she need to see Mommy working outside the home too? She may not get married, or she may marry a man who wants a dual income. So what values or ideas do we instill in her?
For us that's simple. Own whatever you do. It'll be the same for Nathan. If you want to be a doctor then that's fine but own your own practice. Build it up so high that one day you don't have to take patients but can hire other doctors to work under you and your name and you can take vacations. My goal for her would be to run some sort of business she can do remotely something on the internet or anything where she's not tied to some sort of store front. So she can travel etc when she wants. Is what we're telling her a pipe dream? No but it's very hard work. Is it risky? Of course. So is working for a company. (Did I mention I've been let go twice before). My husband and I started late. Our children can start early. I'm so interested in learning their interests to help them develop it into a ministry for Christ and a profit. But that's what we'll tell them. Go to school of course, but choose the best school you can. Be better then mom and dad. We live and learn. I don't go back in the past a lot on this and honestly don't take this post the wrong way I have not regrets. Had I thought of this in about 1995 or so I'd have a successful business of some sort and still be home doing it. It's all about choices and this is the life I chose and right now I'm extremely happy but for Peyton I'd say choose different. If she wants to work for a company one day, than that's her choice but I want to let her know she has options and I don't want her to be afraid to try something different then the "norm".
Also if I were to go back to work I wouldn't achieve much else. I'd finally get that minivan but up above I said I think big right? I want the limited edition, brand new, with navigation and leather, AWD etc. I'd still be looking at monthly payments working or not to determine if I could afford that one or not along with the best childcare I can find so I just don't see the benefit in doing it. I'd honestly rather stay home and see what skills I can use to make a profit on my own. There's tons of people making money off of blogging, I've never bothered researching how, but who knows maybe I could look into that. I know how to bake pretty good if I do say so myself. I really need to work on my presentation but the flavor is amazing :-) Who knows maybe I could turn that into a profit. It's something I'd explore before going back into the workforce. There's many ways to make money other then going to work for someone else. As a matter of fact with the economy being as bad as it is, it's becoming known as the best time to go into business for yourself. And it's also important to note that while a lot of people were impacted by the bad economy, a lot of other people weren't, I really wish the news would focus on those people a little more.
I'm not saying every one should be this way. We were at a picnic with one Sam's friends who said that he knows he'll never make big money working but he honestly feels more comfortable working for someone else then he would trying to make it work for himself. And you know what? That's ok too. I have an aunt who has a very small nice home and loves it. She tells me all the time: "Why would anyone want a house that big?" She truly wouldn't want it. And that's fine too. It's a preference.
I guess to answer the hubby's question. Everyone is different. Some people are happy working. It's great fulfillment to go into work and do something they worked to do in college. And we should respect that. And for some they know our children will only be with us for 18 years or so God willing and they want to still have their careers after the children are gone. And the truth is some people just don't want to do it. I've heard the "we can't afford to live on one income" thing to. Actually in some situations that's true but in others it may not be. When I left work, our bills far outweighed what was coming in. We made drastic changes in how we lived. We started cooking more than eating out, started shopping on Craigslist etc and we actually ended up paying off more bills on one income then we ever did on two. We don't talk about it a lot but if there was ever a time that we "stepped out on faith" that was it. You can come up with all the age old excuses that you want but at times it boils down to some women like working outside of the home and don't like staying at home and again that's that persons business.
I think that's why I love being home so much. The rewards for what I do are endless. I don't get compensation in the form of money but rather in the form of hugs. Does it get boring sometimes? I hardly get bored but I'd be a liar if I said it doesn't get boring at times. But I got bored with working too, even more bored actually. As much as I liked the people I was around going to the same cube got pretty monotonous. Just today I was in the other room and saw my two year old in the kitchen spill a little water on the counter as he was playing, he didn't know I was watching him but I saw him go and get a washcloth and take his time washing it up. He was so serious and concentrating so very hard and he did a really great job too. I watched him finish. Put the the washcloth away and pick up playing where he left off. I don't think he ever noticed me watching. I've got to witness my one year old learn what an airplane is. I love watching that finger in the air as she screams airplane. We live close to the airport so airplanes fly over all the time and that little finger goes straight in the air when she hears one screaming "airpune" LOL of course everything is "airpune" now. She's also very huggy and at time throughout the day she just crawls over and gets hugs. I have so many memories. Nathan just accidentally clunked a kid on the head at the park the other day (I know, aren't I the one always griping about bad children :0) and I took him over to apologize and he's been learning sign language and at that moment I realized he didn't know the sign language for "I'm sorry" and so we had to improvise. So many wonderful memories, that just go on and on, day after day after day... And I share these with Sam throughout the day as he's at work, and I guess he questions even more why anyone would dream of missing this if they had the chance to stay home and witness it. I was working on teaching my son how to count and I was teaching him on his fingers and he wasn't paying any attention to me and I was getting a little frustrated thinking he wasn't getting it so for the time being we moved on to something else. The next week I went into his room in the morning and he had his hands up, fingers spread, counting...he'd gotten it, what a wonderful memory. I get to discipline with patience (well sometimes at least that's my goal, LOL) and love. I was putting on my shirt to leave today and Peyton saw me putting over my head and she lifte her little shirt really high showing off her toddler belly. Her and Nathan have this silly laugh that they do back in forth that I love hearing when they're in the other room playing. Memories. So many memories.
So I guess I explained how I feel about work but don't let that discourage you. Everyone is different that's just my perspective. If you still decide that you want to go back to work one day, then that's fine. But while you're home try to let the feelings of discontentment go.
I chose a different path and a career that didn't do what I thought it would for me. Staying home was a culture shock and more fulfilling then punching a time clock. You know those mastercard commercials (or is it Visa) that says stuff like: "Buying a latte, 3.99, meeting a friend for lunch, priceless" For me it's: "Working outside the home, $50,000 a year. Staying home with Nathan and Peyton, priceless."
My husband and I got into an interesting conversation today. We were talking about the age old struggle (one of the age old struggles I'd imagine there's many others to choose from) of why women struggle so much with choosing to stay home vs. working a job.
I think I said this before that when first walking away from work it was a huge struggle. I really felt like I was giving up something I'd worked so hard for just to stay home and possibly be bored with a baby. And when I first went home I felt that it'd really only be until my children entered school. But since decided that unless the hubby wants me to work I'd like for this arrangement to be permanent. But my husband and I were talking and I told him that a lot of SAHM's still struggle with missing work and he was wondering why. After all he said if he was able to leave his job and stay home he'd be fine with it. (Keep in mind that my hubby runs a website so if he were to come home he'd be doing that full time which is what he really wants anyhow, me too I might add). But if we didn't need the income that his work provides then he'd have no problem leaving and to be honest with you I totally believe him. So why, he's wondering do some women struggle with this feeling as if they're missing something when home instead of at work. Why such discontentment among SAHM's? And I know quite a few SAHM's now and I'm not saying they're not all content but I truly only know one other who would want to make staying at home permanent after the kids are in school. The rest do really like being at home but at the same time can't wait to go back to work.
I guess I have a different mindset. I think I said in an earlier post that I don't care what my children become as long as their profession honors Christ. And not to contradict that earlier post but of course I'm going to encourage them in different areas. However I don't share the same attachment to work that some women have for several reasons:
- Due to this rough economy I was let go from two positions. It was so hard walking into work to find out I only have a week left due to cut backs. Especially after getting rave reviews the week before.
- I didn't major in a field that I really cared for. I was after money doing something I liked wouldn't have earned as much as the field I chose, so I chose money over what I liked. I did end up in a position I loved in the end but I worked a lot of jobs I hated to get there.
- And this is the biggest and the one I'm going to really focus on. A lot of money is relative to whoever you're talking to.
Call me shallow but I like things big and expensive and never wanted to be middle class. I'm thrifty out of necessity not out of desire. I want to live in a gated community with a 10,000+ square ft home (and someone else to clean it) with the vehicle of my choosing. To some that's unbiblical to state you want to be rich but I don't care. It's not a life long goal or an obsession of mine by any means but I'll be real I want more money. I'm content with where I am right now but I still believe on improving and if we're going to get to that upper 6 and 7 digits we're not going to do it pushing any one's time clock. Someone once said Job stands for Just Over Broke and I echo that sentiment. Some may argue that if I were to go back to work I may have some of these things. If you think that, you still don't understand my mindset. I want those things and I want to pay cash for them. No financing etc. I want the 10,000+ sq ft home and I want it paid in full...I told you I don't think like most people and neither does Sam. I will not have that going back to being a project manager. And moving up in the system to get to this position I'm talking about will take FOREVER. Will I ever have this being at home? With our website I honestly believe we will one day (Sam's work is beyond amazing). With working a job, we won't.
Am I in to prosperity preaching? No I'm not. I don't believe in teaching God wants you to be rich etc. as the Joel Olsteens of the world do. I do believe in doing the best you can with the talents that God has given you. I don't believe that verse says it's wrong for people to be rich I just believe it's saying it's wrong for people to love money more than they love Christ and that's what I believe and what I'll tell my children. But that doesn't' mean they have to stay broke either. They just have to put everything in the right prospective. It's a goal we have, we don't walk around the house verbalizing it all the time, we both know the goal and end result and the amount of work it'll take to get there and other then this post it never comes up in conversation with anyone outside our home. In the meantime we just stay busy working towards it.
It was very soon after graduation and landing our first jobs that Sam and I realized that working in this field (and in most other fields) we're not going to make as much as we'd like to make. I don't consider 60 and 70 thousand a lot of money. That's just me. Other's don't have to agree but I really want financial freedom and most careers or jobs don't do that. I don't care if you're senior manager, you're still counting dollars.
In saying that I was never content in any job I was working anyhow. As much as I loved it I wanted to make more. You work like a dog. You get told how great you're doing and if the company needs to cut you then they cut you regardless. If you want to take a vacation you have to get someone to cover your projects for you or your shift depending on how your job works and you have a set amount of vacation days each year. I've worked some jobs where you have to accrue vacation days which was really hard 5.25 vacation days every two weeks - do you have any idea how long that'll take to accrue 40 hours!!! I still at that time didn't think I'd be home but I knew I wasn't huge on the working hard thing for a salary I deemed too low. And when raise time came around, guess what you get? 5% (sometimes a little higher but still not high enough in my opinion).
So let me back up a bit, when talking with the hubby I told him I was asked how we'd handle Peyton. After all doesn't she need to see Mommy working outside the home too? She may not get married, or she may marry a man who wants a dual income. So what values or ideas do we instill in her?
For us that's simple. Own whatever you do. It'll be the same for Nathan. If you want to be a doctor then that's fine but own your own practice. Build it up so high that one day you don't have to take patients but can hire other doctors to work under you and your name and you can take vacations. My goal for her would be to run some sort of business she can do remotely something on the internet or anything where she's not tied to some sort of store front. So she can travel etc when she wants. Is what we're telling her a pipe dream? No but it's very hard work. Is it risky? Of course. So is working for a company. (Did I mention I've been let go twice before). My husband and I started late. Our children can start early. I'm so interested in learning their interests to help them develop it into a ministry for Christ and a profit. But that's what we'll tell them. Go to school of course, but choose the best school you can. Be better then mom and dad. We live and learn. I don't go back in the past a lot on this and honestly don't take this post the wrong way I have not regrets. Had I thought of this in about 1995 or so I'd have a successful business of some sort and still be home doing it. It's all about choices and this is the life I chose and right now I'm extremely happy but for Peyton I'd say choose different. If she wants to work for a company one day, than that's her choice but I want to let her know she has options and I don't want her to be afraid to try something different then the "norm".
Also if I were to go back to work I wouldn't achieve much else. I'd finally get that minivan but up above I said I think big right? I want the limited edition, brand new, with navigation and leather, AWD etc. I'd still be looking at monthly payments working or not to determine if I could afford that one or not along with the best childcare I can find so I just don't see the benefit in doing it. I'd honestly rather stay home and see what skills I can use to make a profit on my own. There's tons of people making money off of blogging, I've never bothered researching how, but who knows maybe I could look into that. I know how to bake pretty good if I do say so myself. I really need to work on my presentation but the flavor is amazing :-) Who knows maybe I could turn that into a profit. It's something I'd explore before going back into the workforce. There's many ways to make money other then going to work for someone else. As a matter of fact with the economy being as bad as it is, it's becoming known as the best time to go into business for yourself. And it's also important to note that while a lot of people were impacted by the bad economy, a lot of other people weren't, I really wish the news would focus on those people a little more.
I'm not saying every one should be this way. We were at a picnic with one Sam's friends who said that he knows he'll never make big money working but he honestly feels more comfortable working for someone else then he would trying to make it work for himself. And you know what? That's ok too. I have an aunt who has a very small nice home and loves it. She tells me all the time: "Why would anyone want a house that big?" She truly wouldn't want it. And that's fine too. It's a preference.
I guess to answer the hubby's question. Everyone is different. Some people are happy working. It's great fulfillment to go into work and do something they worked to do in college. And we should respect that. And for some they know our children will only be with us for 18 years or so God willing and they want to still have their careers after the children are gone. And the truth is some people just don't want to do it. I've heard the "we can't afford to live on one income" thing to. Actually in some situations that's true but in others it may not be. When I left work, our bills far outweighed what was coming in. We made drastic changes in how we lived. We started cooking more than eating out, started shopping on Craigslist etc and we actually ended up paying off more bills on one income then we ever did on two. We don't talk about it a lot but if there was ever a time that we "stepped out on faith" that was it. You can come up with all the age old excuses that you want but at times it boils down to some women like working outside of the home and don't like staying at home and again that's that persons business.
I think that's why I love being home so much. The rewards for what I do are endless. I don't get compensation in the form of money but rather in the form of hugs. Does it get boring sometimes? I hardly get bored but I'd be a liar if I said it doesn't get boring at times. But I got bored with working too, even more bored actually. As much as I liked the people I was around going to the same cube got pretty monotonous. Just today I was in the other room and saw my two year old in the kitchen spill a little water on the counter as he was playing, he didn't know I was watching him but I saw him go and get a washcloth and take his time washing it up. He was so serious and concentrating so very hard and he did a really great job too. I watched him finish. Put the the washcloth away and pick up playing where he left off. I don't think he ever noticed me watching. I've got to witness my one year old learn what an airplane is. I love watching that finger in the air as she screams airplane. We live close to the airport so airplanes fly over all the time and that little finger goes straight in the air when she hears one screaming "airpune" LOL of course everything is "airpune" now. She's also very huggy and at time throughout the day she just crawls over and gets hugs. I have so many memories. Nathan just accidentally clunked a kid on the head at the park the other day (I know, aren't I the one always griping about bad children :0) and I took him over to apologize and he's been learning sign language and at that moment I realized he didn't know the sign language for "I'm sorry" and so we had to improvise. So many wonderful memories, that just go on and on, day after day after day... And I share these with Sam throughout the day as he's at work, and I guess he questions even more why anyone would dream of missing this if they had the chance to stay home and witness it. I was working on teaching my son how to count and I was teaching him on his fingers and he wasn't paying any attention to me and I was getting a little frustrated thinking he wasn't getting it so for the time being we moved on to something else. The next week I went into his room in the morning and he had his hands up, fingers spread, counting...he'd gotten it, what a wonderful memory. I get to discipline with patience (well sometimes at least that's my goal, LOL) and love. I was putting on my shirt to leave today and Peyton saw me putting over my head and she lifte her little shirt really high showing off her toddler belly. Her and Nathan have this silly laugh that they do back in forth that I love hearing when they're in the other room playing. Memories. So many memories.
So I guess I explained how I feel about work but don't let that discourage you. Everyone is different that's just my perspective. If you still decide that you want to go back to work one day, then that's fine. But while you're home try to let the feelings of discontentment go.
I chose a different path and a career that didn't do what I thought it would for me. Staying home was a culture shock and more fulfilling then punching a time clock. You know those mastercard commercials (or is it Visa) that says stuff like: "Buying a latte, 3.99, meeting a friend for lunch, priceless" For me it's: "Working outside the home, $50,000 a year. Staying home with Nathan and Peyton, priceless."
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
So worth it
I wake up a hour before Peyton, then she wakes up an hour before Nathan. During that time we cuddle and say quick prayers. Then Nathan wakes up full of energy usually and his hugs are tight with a rough edge and thus begins our day. The children are feeling better so their activities have increased. It's summer so a lot of the neighborhood kids are outside playing.
I'm just so thankful right now. I love being home. I was walking around the zoo yesterday, thanking God and thanking Sam for being so appreciative of this arrangement. The day before we went to a kiddie park and had a wonderful time.
Even when Peyton was in the hospital I was thankful to be able to be there myself. I love being home. Even right now it's 9:50 and I'm letting the children sleep in. Peyton's usually up at 8 so I'm guessing she's pretty tired ;-). The windows are open and the birds are chirping. My storms have passed it's 80 degrees. It's so nice to plan the day. I keep activites planned for the children but if we get to them fine - if not - oh well.
I'm in love with being home full time and as time progress and the children grow, my love for being here grows as well. I love watching them discover new things, and taking them on trips. I love researching online- finding new places and things to stimulate them. I love putting them down for naps and greeting Sam after he gets off.
I love being able to console the children at night, knowing the next day we can just relax if we haven't gotten the proper sleep. I love it. This post is more so directed at the mother's or new mothers contiplating leaving work or staying at home with your new baby. You always hear the negatives but not the postives. If you have to work then don't beat youself up over that but if there's a possibility of staying home and you're hesitant or scared-don't be. It's a transition and in the beginning it may be rough, but it's so worth it if you can.
I hear Peyton waking up "talking" so I have to go :-)
-- Post From My iPhone
I'm just so thankful right now. I love being home. I was walking around the zoo yesterday, thanking God and thanking Sam for being so appreciative of this arrangement. The day before we went to a kiddie park and had a wonderful time.
Even when Peyton was in the hospital I was thankful to be able to be there myself. I love being home. Even right now it's 9:50 and I'm letting the children sleep in. Peyton's usually up at 8 so I'm guessing she's pretty tired ;-). The windows are open and the birds are chirping. My storms have passed it's 80 degrees. It's so nice to plan the day. I keep activites planned for the children but if we get to them fine - if not - oh well.
I'm in love with being home full time and as time progress and the children grow, my love for being here grows as well. I love watching them discover new things, and taking them on trips. I love researching online- finding new places and things to stimulate them. I love putting them down for naps and greeting Sam after he gets off.
I love being able to console the children at night, knowing the next day we can just relax if we haven't gotten the proper sleep. I love it. This post is more so directed at the mother's or new mothers contiplating leaving work or staying at home with your new baby. You always hear the negatives but not the postives. If you have to work then don't beat youself up over that but if there's a possibility of staying home and you're hesitant or scared-don't be. It's a transition and in the beginning it may be rough, but it's so worth it if you can.
I hear Peyton waking up "talking" so I have to go :-)
-- Post From My iPhone
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Pleasantly Quiet
Have you ever reassured someone that everything's going to be ok? Is it just me or is it always easier to say those words when you're not the one in the actual sitaution. I know we mean well but sometimes those words or variations of it aren't helpful.
My son's speech is delayed. He's extremely bright. If you show him something once he gets it. He imitates everything and he's so loving. He's my angel- my firstborn and only boy(so far;-). I remember when I was pregnant with our daughter my biggest fear was that I wouldn't be able to love her as much as Nathan. (I do love her as much, but it was a fear during her pregnancy that thankfully didn't come true). Nathan is a fantastic big brother as well.
I've been blessed to spend a ton of time with Nathan and I really know him. When it started becoming evident that his speech was delayed I became extremely fearful of autism since one of the signs is delayed speech. Sam and I went overboard and had him examined 7 times by 7 different professionals to rule it out. I even did my own intensive study to rule it out by researching and digging up videos of autistc toddlers to watch their behaviors and I too came to the conclusion that it's definitely nothing more then a speech delay.
I'm not going to go into intricate details of Nathan's actions and I no longer take or answer questions of what he can or cannot do. Nor will I address treatment because I do want to respect my son and keep some things personal.
But it has been a trying year for everyone. Compared to what a lot of other people are going through a speech delay isn't a big deal. And through this experience God has blessed us with a wonderful Pediatrician whose own son didn't speak until he was three, a neighbor who's son didn't talk until he was three and a cousin whose son had a speech delay as well and it's really helped me to talk to all of them. A lot of other people have been supportive too but sometimes the best help comes from people who have been through what you're going through.
There's been a few negative things said and to be honest with you when I first started writing this post the goal in mind was to vent a little, but for some reason it's just not worth writing anymore.
God blessed us with our children. And to be honest with you even on the hardest day I wouldn't trade them ;-). Just one of the joys of motherhood.
-- Post From My iPhone
My son's speech is delayed. He's extremely bright. If you show him something once he gets it. He imitates everything and he's so loving. He's my angel- my firstborn and only boy(so far;-). I remember when I was pregnant with our daughter my biggest fear was that I wouldn't be able to love her as much as Nathan. (I do love her as much, but it was a fear during her pregnancy that thankfully didn't come true). Nathan is a fantastic big brother as well.
I've been blessed to spend a ton of time with Nathan and I really know him. When it started becoming evident that his speech was delayed I became extremely fearful of autism since one of the signs is delayed speech. Sam and I went overboard and had him examined 7 times by 7 different professionals to rule it out. I even did my own intensive study to rule it out by researching and digging up videos of autistc toddlers to watch their behaviors and I too came to the conclusion that it's definitely nothing more then a speech delay.
I'm not going to go into intricate details of Nathan's actions and I no longer take or answer questions of what he can or cannot do. Nor will I address treatment because I do want to respect my son and keep some things personal.
But it has been a trying year for everyone. Compared to what a lot of other people are going through a speech delay isn't a big deal. And through this experience God has blessed us with a wonderful Pediatrician whose own son didn't speak until he was three, a neighbor who's son didn't talk until he was three and a cousin whose son had a speech delay as well and it's really helped me to talk to all of them. A lot of other people have been supportive too but sometimes the best help comes from people who have been through what you're going through.
There's been a few negative things said and to be honest with you when I first started writing this post the goal in mind was to vent a little, but for some reason it's just not worth writing anymore.
God blessed us with our children. And to be honest with you even on the hardest day I wouldn't trade them ;-). Just one of the joys of motherhood.
-- Post From My iPhone
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Joy
I'm experiencing one of the greatest joys in life, having my daughter sleep on my chest, while listening to her calm even breathing. I swear life doesn't get much better than this :0)
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
How Am I Doing?
You know I'll be perfectly honest, I feel kind of low right now. There's only three things in life I truly care about:
1. Loving and honoring Christ
2. Respecting my husband
3. Loving and caring for my children
And to be honest with you that's it. I have hobbies that I love but they have very little value. I love scrapbooking and journaling to name a few but again it's level of importance isn't that high.
I honestly can care less if I'm told I suck at sewing (which I do by the way). My decorating skills need work and I'm not going to win any awards for cooking. But please don't label me a failure in the three categories I listed above. But lately I've been struggling in the third category.
I'd heard of guilt in motherhood but didn't realize it'd be so hard. I'll just give you an example:
Today my son and I went to McDonald's for lunch and playtime (you know on those climby things they have) anyway he went up and stayed on the top and honestly he was having a good time and there were two little girls there. There was a weird climby thing on one side and a tunnel slide on the other and he LOVES slides but he's only gone down tunnel slides a few times and if my son isn't familiar with something he won't try it. The little girls kept going down but he probably figured they're crazy and he wouldn't do it, anyway it came time to leave and I had to go up and get him (yes I really went in there) and when I reached him he threw a horrible tantrum, kicking, screaming the works so I spanked him right there on the spot. It was at the top of the tunnel thing and I'm already way to big to be up there and time out wasn't an option nor was "waiting out the tantrum". So he got spanked and shoved down the slide which he ended up loving and wanted to go back up in. But he couldn't cause we really had to go.
I looked at his tear stained face in the rear view mirror questioning if I could've handled the situation differently. I know why he was up there he was stuck not being bad, the spanking was for the fall out he had when I came up. I'm all for a spanking but I'd rather not spank in public I care about my child's feelings especially when others are around but I don't know what else I could've done in the situation and my son's pitiful tear streaked face is etched in my mind for some reason. And please don't email me or comment on how the situation could've better been handled or how spankings are wrong in your opinion etc. I kid you not I really feel sad over the incident and don't feel like being taken lower, it was supposed to be a fun day and though he needed disciplined I would've rather both of us remembered it for a great time.
I've been told to expect many more days like today in the future and that's fine but how do I deal with this "mother's guilt" I guess you call it.
There's other things I could write about like this. I could fill a book already. With Mother's Day approaching a program I listen to "revive our hearts" allow listeners to call in and express their thanks to their mothers. And to hear what some people say is amazing. Some are in tears as they pay tribute to their mothers. And every year I pray that my children will one day consider me worthy of such recognition.
I don't desire to be perfect. I made to many mistakes already and especially with the teenage years coming I may not always be liked. I have no desire to be a friend. I want to be their mom. I want them to know three things:
1. I love my Lord
2. I respect and deeply love their father
3. I so very much love them and want what's best for them
But right now I'm really not sure how I'm doing.
-- Post From My iPhone
1. Loving and honoring Christ
2. Respecting my husband
3. Loving and caring for my children
And to be honest with you that's it. I have hobbies that I love but they have very little value. I love scrapbooking and journaling to name a few but again it's level of importance isn't that high.
I honestly can care less if I'm told I suck at sewing (which I do by the way). My decorating skills need work and I'm not going to win any awards for cooking. But please don't label me a failure in the three categories I listed above. But lately I've been struggling in the third category.
I'd heard of guilt in motherhood but didn't realize it'd be so hard. I'll just give you an example:
Today my son and I went to McDonald's for lunch and playtime (you know on those climby things they have) anyway he went up and stayed on the top and honestly he was having a good time and there were two little girls there. There was a weird climby thing on one side and a tunnel slide on the other and he LOVES slides but he's only gone down tunnel slides a few times and if my son isn't familiar with something he won't try it. The little girls kept going down but he probably figured they're crazy and he wouldn't do it, anyway it came time to leave and I had to go up and get him (yes I really went in there) and when I reached him he threw a horrible tantrum, kicking, screaming the works so I spanked him right there on the spot. It was at the top of the tunnel thing and I'm already way to big to be up there and time out wasn't an option nor was "waiting out the tantrum". So he got spanked and shoved down the slide which he ended up loving and wanted to go back up in. But he couldn't cause we really had to go.
I looked at his tear stained face in the rear view mirror questioning if I could've handled the situation differently. I know why he was up there he was stuck not being bad, the spanking was for the fall out he had when I came up. I'm all for a spanking but I'd rather not spank in public I care about my child's feelings especially when others are around but I don't know what else I could've done in the situation and my son's pitiful tear streaked face is etched in my mind for some reason. And please don't email me or comment on how the situation could've better been handled or how spankings are wrong in your opinion etc. I kid you not I really feel sad over the incident and don't feel like being taken lower, it was supposed to be a fun day and though he needed disciplined I would've rather both of us remembered it for a great time.
I've been told to expect many more days like today in the future and that's fine but how do I deal with this "mother's guilt" I guess you call it.
There's other things I could write about like this. I could fill a book already. With Mother's Day approaching a program I listen to "revive our hearts" allow listeners to call in and express their thanks to their mothers. And to hear what some people say is amazing. Some are in tears as they pay tribute to their mothers. And every year I pray that my children will one day consider me worthy of such recognition.
I don't desire to be perfect. I made to many mistakes already and especially with the teenage years coming I may not always be liked. I have no desire to be a friend. I want to be their mom. I want them to know three things:
1. I love my Lord
2. I respect and deeply love their father
3. I so very much love them and want what's best for them
But right now I'm really not sure how I'm doing.
-- Post From My iPhone
Saturday, March 28, 2009
I hate to share
I remember the days when I could enjoy a pack of fruit snacks all by myself. My husband hates them or anything gummy for that matter so I never had to share with him.
Now I have a two year old. A two year old who loves fruit snacks.
It's funny because sometimes I forget how much he loves them and just today I decided to grab me a pack of fruit snacks while he was in his booster chair enjoying his milk and I'm walking by and noticed he was doing sign language really hard asking for some...he's eating them now, I ate one maybe two and he's eating the rest. My husband then informed me that this is about his fourth pack today.
I truthfully don't mind giving him his own pack out of the box but when I'm walking with mine I don't want to share.
Next time I think I'll wait until he's out of sight before I open one of my own...as I'm typing he's walking with my fruit snacks.
Now I have a two year old. A two year old who loves fruit snacks.
It's funny because sometimes I forget how much he loves them and just today I decided to grab me a pack of fruit snacks while he was in his booster chair enjoying his milk and I'm walking by and noticed he was doing sign language really hard asking for some...he's eating them now, I ate one maybe two and he's eating the rest. My husband then informed me that this is about his fourth pack today.
I truthfully don't mind giving him his own pack out of the box but when I'm walking with mine I don't want to share.
Next time I think I'll wait until he's out of sight before I open one of my own...as I'm typing he's walking with my fruit snacks.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
How many is too many...
Ever notice how hard people are on women who have 3 or more children. It used to be the norm to see families of 8+ children but now that's seen as odd. Even in churches it's frowned upon.
I'll admit I used to have this same view. If you had more than two children (especially if your first two are a boy and a girl) then I secretly saw more as too many. I just couldn't understand why anyone would want more. I recently over the past year have been trying to figure out why I felt this way. I don't feel that way anymore, as a matter of fact I wouldn't mind having 5 or 6 or maybe even 8 (yes you read right I said 8).
But I notice I get a lot of people who approach me, surprisingly in the church the most, that tell me "you have your boy and girl I know you're done." Why? Why do we as a society see having children this way. Most of the time I hear people refer to children as expensive and they put the connotation on it as if they're a burden. I hear "I can't wait until they grow up" etc. I run into a lot of young mothers who have one and they are done. Even if they themselves grew up in a big family they do not want to go through "that" again.
I admit it was hard for me to have another child. I loved my son and still do but had a pretty difficult pregnancy. I spent the last three months working from home and made about 4 emergency room visits so it wasn't very pleasant and in the end I had to have an emergency c-section to have him delivered. I remember before having children hearing mothers talk about how wonderful pregnancy is and sadly I didn't have that view the first time because I was in a lot of pain most of the time. The only reason I really decided to have another is because I really wanted Nathan to have a sibling and I wanted them to be as close in age as possible and that's where Peyton entered in. My second pregnancy was blissful. No emergency room visits and no c section not even a very long labor, and I got to thinking this wasn't so bad.
Now with both of them I couldn't be happier but I still run into very few people who say anything positive. I often hear "oh two in diapers" (followed by the odd look that's supposed to mean something). And to be honest with you having two in diapers hasn't been hard at all. I change one and then the other, really no big deal. As a matter of fact I really feel it's been easier with two then it was with one. I had a lot of anxiety with Nathan being my first child and now with Peyton that anxiety really hasn't been there. As soon as Peyton hit 8 weeks I flung her in her carseat and have been on the go ever since and when I'm out I change one, put them back in the stroller and change the other. I really haven't seen the big deal in it. Maybe the cost but even that hasn't been as astronomical as we thought it would be.
So then I began to re examine what I believed about children and in doing so I began reading to see what God had to say about children and I found that God has a very different view then society (isn't that usually the case?) As a matter of fact He sees them as blessings. And I realized what a big deal it is to Him to see us as Christian parents having more and more children.
I'm not big on ministering outside my home right now. I'm not against it if anyone else does it cause we all have our callings and need to be doing God's work but something people may notice about me is I don't participate in many ministries outside the home, at least not right now. And if anyone ask me how come I'm not involved in a ministry I tell them that I am. The ministry is my home and my husband and children.
Have you ever looked at a family tree. If you can trace your family tree back you can see just how many generations have come and gone. The image below isn't that great but I want you to look at it anyway and just picture if the person at the top told their family about Christ and then their children told their children's children etc. Look how far that "ministry" will span and just how many lives will be touched by that.
I'll admit I used to have this same view. If you had more than two children (especially if your first two are a boy and a girl) then I secretly saw more as too many. I just couldn't understand why anyone would want more. I recently over the past year have been trying to figure out why I felt this way. I don't feel that way anymore, as a matter of fact I wouldn't mind having 5 or 6 or maybe even 8 (yes you read right I said 8).
But I notice I get a lot of people who approach me, surprisingly in the church the most, that tell me "you have your boy and girl I know you're done." Why? Why do we as a society see having children this way. Most of the time I hear people refer to children as expensive and they put the connotation on it as if they're a burden. I hear "I can't wait until they grow up" etc. I run into a lot of young mothers who have one and they are done. Even if they themselves grew up in a big family they do not want to go through "that" again.
I admit it was hard for me to have another child. I loved my son and still do but had a pretty difficult pregnancy. I spent the last three months working from home and made about 4 emergency room visits so it wasn't very pleasant and in the end I had to have an emergency c-section to have him delivered. I remember before having children hearing mothers talk about how wonderful pregnancy is and sadly I didn't have that view the first time because I was in a lot of pain most of the time. The only reason I really decided to have another is because I really wanted Nathan to have a sibling and I wanted them to be as close in age as possible and that's where Peyton entered in. My second pregnancy was blissful. No emergency room visits and no c section not even a very long labor, and I got to thinking this wasn't so bad.
Now with both of them I couldn't be happier but I still run into very few people who say anything positive. I often hear "oh two in diapers" (followed by the odd look that's supposed to mean something). And to be honest with you having two in diapers hasn't been hard at all. I change one and then the other, really no big deal. As a matter of fact I really feel it's been easier with two then it was with one. I had a lot of anxiety with Nathan being my first child and now with Peyton that anxiety really hasn't been there. As soon as Peyton hit 8 weeks I flung her in her carseat and have been on the go ever since and when I'm out I change one, put them back in the stroller and change the other. I really haven't seen the big deal in it. Maybe the cost but even that hasn't been as astronomical as we thought it would be.
So then I began to re examine what I believed about children and in doing so I began reading to see what God had to say about children and I found that God has a very different view then society (isn't that usually the case?) As a matter of fact He sees them as blessings. And I realized what a big deal it is to Him to see us as Christian parents having more and more children.
I'm not big on ministering outside my home right now. I'm not against it if anyone else does it cause we all have our callings and need to be doing God's work but something people may notice about me is I don't participate in many ministries outside the home, at least not right now. And if anyone ask me how come I'm not involved in a ministry I tell them that I am. The ministry is my home and my husband and children.
Have you ever looked at a family tree. If you can trace your family tree back you can see just how many generations have come and gone. The image below isn't that great but I want you to look at it anyway and just picture if the person at the top told their family about Christ and then their children told their children's children etc. Look how far that "ministry" will span and just how many lives will be touched by that.
So I see why having children is so important in God's eyes but now that I see that how do we get people to stop having such a negative view about it.
I've grown to love being a mommy. There's been a great deal of challenges and I'm facing some heavy ones right now, but at the same token I love it. I love Nathan, the way he smiles, his personality the tone of his voice. The hugs he gives even some of the bad stuff I write in his journal because I often find some creativity in his disobedience. Every hardship I endured during his pregnancy pales in comparison to the joy of having him in my life. It was all worth it. And Peyton means the world to me as well. She has the most beautiful eyes and an infectious smile and she has a little face scrunch thing that she does that makes my heart melt and she loves to cuddle, and her favorite word is "done." I'm enjoying watching them grow and everyday it saddens me a little because I know I'm raising them to one day let them go and as these baby and toddler years creep by I can't fathom not having them in my home. I love the noise and chaos they bring. Throwing little socks into the washer and hanging up tiny pants to dry bringw me a weird sense of joy. My days are full of cherishable moments and I wonder what's wrong with this? Why do we speak against this as a society? Why are young girls and women growing up to believe that there should be a limit on children? That two are "enough." Now if you choose to just have two that's fine but if the connotation is that more than two is a bad thing then that's what I question. When it's seen as "I can't deal with any more."
I know it's hard in today's day and age especially when jobs seem so uncertain. And to be honest with you I'm kind of nervous about having a third, that's not going to stop me but at the same token I'm not looking forward to the negative comments that'll come from people ("You're pregnant again???!!! Already? " or "Are you ever going back to work") I've already been told by one person I'm a "baby making machine" when I was pregnant with Peyton (I'm still trying to figure out if I should be insulted or not). But I guess what goes around comes around because I used to feel the same way at one point.
But the questions I'm open to discussing are; how many are too many? And shouldn't each family have a right to have as many children as they want if they have the means to support them? Why can't we as women be as happy for someone's 5th pregnancy as we were for the first? Why do we think a woman with 4 or more children have "too many"? And why do we care so much about what other people do in their homes? If they choose to have 12 that's their right, correct? Let me know what you think.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Updates and Just a whole bunch of stuff
I know I said I wasn't going to be blogging the rest of this month, but the children are both asleep and I just feel like writing.
This time off has been pretty great though.
PEYTON
NEXT MONTH
MY SPIRITUAL WALK
Then a reality check came. I can't tell you how many times in my life God has shown himself to me. How many situations He rescued me from and I (like the Israelites) continue on the same disobedient track. It just struck me as amazing.
THROUGH THE STORM: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World By: Lynne Spears
I read the reviews on it and some people complained about the book saying things like:
Why Christian Kids Rebel: Trading Heartache for Hope - By: Tim Kimmel
This time off has been pretty great though.
PEYTON
Peyton is finally sleeping in her own room, in her own crib. I can't tell you how wonderful that is. I love my daughter more than words can express but a word of advice. Don't let children sleep in the bed with you and your husband. And when I say that I mean don't let them sleep there every night. Those rare occasions (movie night, sick child, scared child) fine. But as an everyday habit I don't recommend it at all. When we have more children this will be one of those areas where I lived and learned. I tried to do different because I thought maybe I moved Nathan out too quickly and I never let him sleep with us at night (I napped with him when Sam was at work) but I didn't let him sleep with us. But letting Peyton sleep with us just had too many drawbacks, so I'm glad she's in her room. She's getting better sleep and so are we.
NEXT MONTH
I know my plan was to blog everyday about black history events, but that was just too big of a goal and I just won't have time. I've already researched and written quite a few things but it'll be more like just two to three facts a week and I'm still looking forward to that.
MY SPIRITUAL WALK
I know why they call the Bible the "Living Word" I decided to read through the Bible this year again and it's been great so far. Even though I read it often and read through it before, I ALWAYS find something there that I didn't notice before. I'm enjoying growing closer to God and just learning everyday. I'm in Exodus now and reading about how the Israelites saved manna even though God told them not to (except for the 6Th day because of the Sabbath being the next day). Their disobedience amazes me. Wow I'm thinking they saw the evidence of God so clearly with all the plagues in Egypt and then the red sea parting in their face! How in the world can they continue to be so dumb.
Then a reality check came. I can't tell you how many times in my life God has shown himself to me. How many situations He rescued me from and I (like the Israelites) continue on the same disobedient track. It just struck me as amazing.
READING
With Peyton sleeping in her room now I have more time to sit up and read, and I've been reading some great books:
THROUGH THE STORM: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World By: Lynne Spears
Ok I'm so not on the Britney Spears kick I was on earlier, that actually came and went but I was surprised to find this book by her mother in the Christian section so out of curiosity I got it. And you know what it was really good. Her mother is a Christian and she was very candid in it about the mistakes she made as a mother and what her family has gone through. She even said that she would've taught her children to have a relationship with Christ because Britney and her older son Brian left the faith and she feels she didn't teach them how to have a relationship with Christ she took them to church etc. but she didn't teach them about spending time alone with the Lord and reading the Bible etc.
And she made fame look like the worst thing in the world (although that wasn't her intent). She was upfront about how she lost control of Britney when she started making more money etc. It was just a really good book and it just showed a mother's heart. Deep down I think her mother really wanted what's best for her children but just made a lot of mistakes a long the way. It was surprisingly good.
The Duggars 20 and Counting: Raising One of America's Largest Families-How they Do It: By: Michelle & Jim Bob Duggar
I can't put this book down. I got it from the library on Friday and already I'm almost done with it. This is such an amazing family, I'd love to meet them actually. Their faith in God is undeniable and inspiring. While I'm not about to go out and have 19 children like them, I really do agree with a lot of what they're saying. They explain why they have a big family and how they manage their family. Also why they dress the way they do etc. And it's such a pleasant book to read. It's full of pictures and recipes and they've incorporated questions and answers.
I read the reviews on it and some people complained about the book saying things like:
"Just because she doesn't want to take birth control doesn't mean everyone shouldn't" and "Well good for them they can homeschool, everyone doesn't have to" You know what amazes me. The book is only telling people what they did. It's in no way shape or form trying to persuade people to live like them at all. They just wrote it because many people are curious about they way they live so they thought they'd tell their story and that's all it is, it's not accusing at all. I just wonder why people feel the need to get so defensive. It's a really great book.
Why Christian Kids Rebel: Trading Heartache for Hope - By: Tim Kimmel
This is another amazing book I got from the library. I can't seem to stop reading it. So many christian children are leaving the faith and this author is shedding insight into why. So many families are doing the "right thing" by taking their children to church and getting involved in ministry and making sure their children grow up in ministry. So why after all this are they still leaving the faith? Which is something that intrigues me.
This is also close to my heart because I mentioned that I really want Nathan and Peyton to love Jesus Christ with their entire being, over anything. So this book has been eye opening to me. It's good to see why some children leave to do preventative measures. The author was a youth minister who saw a lot and he lets you know that a lot of what he's saying is going to step on your toes as parents. He's not just pointing the fingers at our children but at us. And all ready there's some things that I've been doing that may not be beneficial. So it's just another great book that I recommend.
NATHAN
My little man is doing great. We're having a really really rough winter this year and we've already been sick so even though he's involved in stuff he doesn't always get to go because the weather may be bad or again we're sick etc. So we've been spending a ton of time at home. And that can be pretty hard to keep him entertained.
Those of you who know me know that I'm not a huge TV watcher. I do watch occasionally and rent movies but I have a strict rule about the television. I don't allow one in my living area or my children's rooms. Sam and I have one in our room and we recently put one in the basement. I used to let Nathan watch Elmo but was dissatisfied with some of the content and to be honest with you the children's Christian shows are dropping the ball to me. I have to give it to Elmo at least he really talked to the children. I was considering letting him watch it again but just screening it better but found out that Mr. Noodles brother (Mr. Noodle) was an open homosexual that died of AIDS (which is extremely sad). So I decided to just nix Elmo and try to find Christian shows but none of those hold his attention. And I'm not too broken up about it cause I don't like him watching TV that much anyway.
So I was searching for ways to entertain and get him engaged and found a wonderful website with TONS of activity suggestions. It's http://www.savvysource.com/activities/browse_1a_1-2_years_activities and I just love it. I write in two activities on the whiteboard to do with him everyday and so far he loves it and so do I and Peyton joins in and it's been making our days go by faster and he's getting engaged and so is Peyton, so thus far we're not really getting the "winter blues."
HEALTH
I recently decided to start losing weight again. So I've been eating right and decided to work out as well. I rented a really nice hip hop dance workout video and thought it'd be fun to do it with Nathan. BIG MISTAKE. It was fun I guess but I didn't get the work out that I wanted. Nathan thought it was a good idea to make a tunnel out of my legs and he proceeded to go in and out while I was trying to work out (as you can guess that made it impossible to do anything).
Nathan's also very prone to nosebleeds and ended up bumping his nose on my leg and the flow started. So I ended up sitting on the coach watching the video while tending to Nathans nose. In case you're wondering where Peyton was, she was on the floor the entire time trying to figure out what Nathan and I were doing. Not the work out I was expecting, but hey I got to enjoy the time with my children and create yet another memory :-)
SAM
Still sexy as ever! I would include a few pics of him but I don't want any of you to start sinning by "coveting" him :-) See Exodus 20:17
Saturday, January 10, 2009
She's got Talent
This is a really touchy subject but I want to open it up for discussion.
I get told a lot that I'm wasting my talents by being at home. I get told by friends point blank that they don't stay at home because they don't want to waste their talents. To be honest with all of you, I usually won't approach the topic at all because it's so controversial among women and usually steps on a lot of toes and for awhile I didn't even want to blog about it in this way but since it's in my face all the time and on my mind I decided to write about it anyway.
What does that mean? And I'm not asking that in a smart way at all, I very honestly want some comments on what that means.
I've been home for two years now and I hear it (or some variation) almost every week when I go to church (that's honestly no exaggeration). I get asked constantly (usually by the same people) when I'm going back to work and told not to waste my talent and that they too would stay home but they don't want to waste their talents.
I loved my job and while I worked hard to get it, I always considered it just a job. Yes I'm a college grad, yes I worked in jobs I hated before landing my "dream job" but it was still just a job to me. It was a place to go and make an income. If I have to go back it'd still be that, I never felt it was where my talent layed. Even before children if I'd had the choice I would've been doing something else.
But that's just me, there are many different types of jobs out there (surgeons, concert pianist, etc). So I don't want to say it doesn't take talent to work certain jobs. I worked in a daycare for awhile and I didn't feel that was mindless work either when I was there. I guess I'm hurt when I hear women say this, not because they're implying I don't have talent I'm just hurt if they think this is the only place or way to display talent is by going to a job. Is that the case or am I wrong?
And it's weird to think that if you're at home than you're suddenly talentless.
What is the stereotype of staying at home? Is it a lazy job now? Worthless?
It's up to the individual if they choose to work but why not say you choose to work because you like what you do. There's nothing wrong with that at all. You can work because you're good at what you do to, again nothing wrong with that. But should we apply the word talent to it.
I just looked up the word talent in the dictionary and do you know what it means? :
1.
a special natural ability or aptitude:
I get told a lot that I'm wasting my talents by being at home. I get told by friends point blank that they don't stay at home because they don't want to waste their talents. To be honest with all of you, I usually won't approach the topic at all because it's so controversial among women and usually steps on a lot of toes and for awhile I didn't even want to blog about it in this way but since it's in my face all the time and on my mind I decided to write about it anyway.
What does that mean? And I'm not asking that in a smart way at all, I very honestly want some comments on what that means.
I've been home for two years now and I hear it (or some variation) almost every week when I go to church (that's honestly no exaggeration). I get asked constantly (usually by the same people) when I'm going back to work and told not to waste my talent and that they too would stay home but they don't want to waste their talents.
I loved my job and while I worked hard to get it, I always considered it just a job. Yes I'm a college grad, yes I worked in jobs I hated before landing my "dream job" but it was still just a job to me. It was a place to go and make an income. If I have to go back it'd still be that, I never felt it was where my talent layed. Even before children if I'd had the choice I would've been doing something else.
But that's just me, there are many different types of jobs out there (surgeons, concert pianist, etc). So I don't want to say it doesn't take talent to work certain jobs. I worked in a daycare for awhile and I didn't feel that was mindless work either when I was there. I guess I'm hurt when I hear women say this, not because they're implying I don't have talent I'm just hurt if they think this is the only place or way to display talent is by going to a job. Is that the case or am I wrong?
And it's weird to think that if you're at home than you're suddenly talentless.
What is the stereotype of staying at home? Is it a lazy job now? Worthless?
It's up to the individual if they choose to work but why not say you choose to work because you like what you do. There's nothing wrong with that at all. You can work because you're good at what you do to, again nothing wrong with that. But should we apply the word talent to it.
I just looked up the word talent in the dictionary and do you know what it means? :
1.
a special natural ability or aptitude:
Did anyone notice the word natural in there. I went to school for 4 years (actually 5 now that I think about it) to get the training to do what I did for a living. It wasn't my talent. It wasn't natural.
Mozart was a natural at the piano. Beyonce seems to be a natural singer. I'm sure they used training to enhance what they could already do but the talent was already there it was natural.
But then I'll be fair because the second definition of talent does say:
2.
a capacity for achievement or success; ability:
So maybe my job was a talent I don't know. I guess the question I really need answered is am I wasting my talent? Seriously. Or can't I excercise other talents? Don't I have other talents? Don't you?
Do I have to work at a corporation to showcase my talent? Is that the only way for us women to show that we have talents?
I'm really curious about this topic. Not so much whether women should stay home or not that's not the topic. But rather women feeling their wasting something by doing it. That's what I really want to know. And the term "talents" is what I really want to harp on because that term (or some variation of it) is usually used.
Maybe I'm different but even when the kids go to school I'd like to explore other things, if Sam's ok with it and if we can afford it. I'd like to start volunteering my time at our children's home not too far from my house. I won't be getting paid for it but it's something I'd like to invest time in while Nathan and Peyton are in school. Is that wrong since I won't be making an income? A lot of people expect I'll be going back to work when Nathan and Peyton are school age. Actually that's not a goal or desire of mine. Is that wrong? And that's another question. Is the talent in what you do or in what you make?
Do you feel less if you're not bringing in a check? I have to admit it was weird the first Christmas buying Sam something, knowing I wasn't bringing home a check per se. But honestly with all the work I do around here those feelings left pretty quickly.
This isn't directed at the people who have to work to help support their families. JOr even the people who choose to work because they like it. Just at the people (women actually) who feel like they're wasting something if they're not working.
Or is it just a personal thing to the individual. How and why do you feel that way?
And I get these comments point blank to my face a lot. How should I, as a person who chose to stay at home re act? I'm not really sure. Should I be insulted? Or feel less?
I know I'm asking a lot of questions but I just want a lot of feedback. Feel free to email me directly.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Time's ticking away
Yesterday I was on the floor playing with Peyton. Sam was working from home and Nathan was taking a nap and Peyton didn't want to nap so I got on the floor and played with her. I've done this before but yesterday was different. I started tapping the floor and she started imitating me and when I'd stop she'd grab my hands to continue. I started making noises and she started trying to imitate. The bad part was I wondered to myself, "How long has she been doing this?"
It's so easy to miss the little stuff. And I realized that I've been pretty busy lately. Even though I'm home full time "stuff" still gets in the way. Well that's about to change. I have to set limits. I have a ton of stuff to do each day to keep the house functioning properly but I'm going to have to manage my time better. It was a lot easier with just one child.
When Nathan was a baby it was quicker to clean and I didn't have a toddler going behind me when I'd finished cleaning making new messes :-) Also I kept a whiteboard up and I literally had everyday written out and that was a big help. Now the whiteboard is down because it used to be in the "office" which is now Peyton's room (that she's still not sleeping in by the way). Too Peyton is a much "easier" baby than Nathan was, as long as I'm in the room I can put her somewhere and this allows me to get stuff done.
A lot of people think I chose to stay home because I don't trust daycares or sitters. While that's a small part of it it's only about 5% (a VERY small part). The main reason I chose to stay home is because I don't want to miss my children growing up. Especially during these Baby/Toddler/Pre school years. Before Sam and I made the decision for me to be home full time, I spent a lot of time talking to "career" women. And I only spoke to the ones who's children were now grown. And every single one of them told me that if they had it to do over they wouldn't have worked when their children were young. They'd had no problems with daycares or sitters actually, but they said they missed way too much. I also talked to some stay at home mothers or mothers who'd stayed at home until their children were older (my mom included) and some of them wished they'd worked, mainly so they would've afforded more, I can relate to that feeling at times, if I were working now I'd have that minivan I've been wanting... So I had two opinions to go on to decide what we wanted to do. It also helped that I worked in a daycare for a year while in college so I already knew how they worked. Sam and I didn't have the option of working alternate shifts or going part time and though he can work from home at times he still wouldn't be able to have the kids around - it's a big no no to be dialed into a meeting with children behind you. We worked 8 hours a day with 1 hour for an unpaid lunch so Nathan and Peyton would've been with a sitter no less than 10 hours a day (hopefully because sometimes I worked 60 hour weeks...). So for Sam and I it was just figuring out which I may regret more. Working or not working.
I admit I need my sanity at times and time with adults (no children around). And I have to give it to Sam, he's very good at making sure I get that. I don't think I've ever heard him object to me getting together with one of my girlfriends. As a matter of fact he really encourages it so no complaints there. And I found a few other full time mothers so our children can socialize and I can have other adults to be around during the day so that helps too. Though I had a great job with a wonderful manager and great co workers, I've actually never missed work for any reason other than the extra income it brings.
So what's getting in the way? I can't blame it on having 2 children. Sam's a hands on father and spends ample time with the children and I get a significant amount of alone time with each child because of this. So I can't use that excuse. It's just stuff. The desire for a clean home. The desire to call my friends to say "hi" or "can I pray for you." The desire to keep in touch with people by sending a gazillion e-mails a day. etc. Just stuff. So I'm cutting out some stuff.
If God's willing I'll have my children for 18 years (22 if they go to college locally) and I think I'd rather have a less cleaner home (although trust me not nasty) and send fewer emails so that I can witness every moment possible.
So I'm starting today. It's actually 8:00 am and both children are in bed, which is the reason I'm writing. And I'm going to get that whiteboard back up. I have to go back to the original reason as to why I'm home which is to take care of my family. Believe it or not it is possible to be home full time and still "miss" this little stuff and I don't want to miss a thing. I know there's going to be times when the children have to entertain themselves or Peyton has to be in that swing or bouncer while Nathan plays with his cars on the floor so I can get things done and also I'm not going to give up the hour of alone time I get each evening but I just need to refocus and scale back a little.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Happy Birthday
Nathan's birthday is tomorrow. I can't believe it! My baby will be 2 years old.
I don't know who's more excited about it him or me. I just have so many memories already with him in my stomach (he used to love when I took a bath. When I'd sit in the tub he'd just be kicking and going crazy in there and he loves getting baths now). I remember seeing him in the hospital and bringing him home etc. Just so many wonderful memories in this 2 year time.
We're going to be having a party for him, nothing big just a few guests. Since his birthday is so close to Christmas I want to make a point of always separating it and making sure it's celebrated. I didn't have a party for him last year when he turned 1 and believe it or not I caught a lot of slack for that. We just wanted to celebrate it with just the four of us (Peyton was in my belly). So Sam took off of work and we started the celebration at 12:09 am (when he was born...yes he was still awoke). We let him open his gifts and I'd ordered a banner that said "Happy Birthday Nathan" that we'd hung up in his room.
After he opened gifts we went to bed and the next day we took him to the "Children's Museum" here in Cleveland and we had a blast. It was honestly one of the best days ever. He got to play all day which is great and the museum was perfect for his age. I wanted to take him to Chuckie Cheese's also that day but he fell asleep as soon as he go in the car. When we got home we got him a slice of vanilla cake which he just played with.
He literally started walking without assistance on his B-day. Now he's running and playing and being a wonderful big brother and the perfect son for us :-) I than God for him everyday.
I don't know who's more excited about it him or me. I just have so many memories already with him in my stomach (he used to love when I took a bath. When I'd sit in the tub he'd just be kicking and going crazy in there and he loves getting baths now). I remember seeing him in the hospital and bringing him home etc. Just so many wonderful memories in this 2 year time.
We're going to be having a party for him, nothing big just a few guests. Since his birthday is so close to Christmas I want to make a point of always separating it and making sure it's celebrated. I didn't have a party for him last year when he turned 1 and believe it or not I caught a lot of slack for that. We just wanted to celebrate it with just the four of us (Peyton was in my belly). So Sam took off of work and we started the celebration at 12:09 am (when he was born...yes he was still awoke). We let him open his gifts and I'd ordered a banner that said "Happy Birthday Nathan" that we'd hung up in his room.
After he opened gifts we went to bed and the next day we took him to the "Children's Museum" here in Cleveland and we had a blast. It was honestly one of the best days ever. He got to play all day which is great and the museum was perfect for his age. I wanted to take him to Chuckie Cheese's also that day but he fell asleep as soon as he go in the car. When we got home we got him a slice of vanilla cake which he just played with.
He literally started walking without assistance on his B-day. Now he's running and playing and being a wonderful big brother and the perfect son for us :-) I than God for him everyday.
Monday, December 1, 2008
It's ok
I had an interesting conversation with a 14 year old at church yesterday. I'll call the young girl Amy.
I always see the pre teens and teenagers in the bathroom when I go down to feed and change Peyton and I run into Amy nearly all the time down there.
Anyway we were discussing movies cause I told her that my son is a huge Elmo fan and she suggested that I get him a children's book by Tori Spelling. I didn't tell her but of course to me Tori Spelling and children's book don't even sound right in the same sentence. But anyway that's beside the point. I told her I didn't know that Tori Spelling had written children's stories and she went on to tell me that not only has she written children's stories but she left her ex husband for her current husband and not only that her current husband left his ex wife for Tori...ex wife and young infant Amy told me.
Anyway I told Amy that was horrible to hear that. And she said "no it's ok, they're happy now, they weren't happy before."
Are our young people really this twisted now a days to think that it's ok to cheat on your spouse and leave them for no reason other then unhappiness? According to Amy there's no abuse or infidelity...they just weren't happy.
It just really saddened me to hear a young pre teen talk so carelessly about marriage. I know she doesn't know much and doesn't even realize what she's saying but has Hollywood glamorized infidelity so much that it's becoming accepted?
If your spouse isn't making you happy then you should cheat on them? So I should cheat on Sam if he doesn't clean the floor the way I want him too? Or he should cheat on me if I don't vacuum the carpet in two weeks? Should I leave my children when Nathan throws his temper tantrums (believe me those don't make me happy!) Or what about when Peyton doesn't sleep in her own bed! WHAT ARE OUR CHILDREN LEARNING???!!!!
My point is that we all go through periods of unhappiness and just because we got married doesn't mean people from the opposite sex are suddenly unattractive. But to think it's ok to cheat and to justify it is just sad and it's more sad to see that Amy thought nothing was wrong with it. I let her talk the whole time and I looked into her pretty young brown eyes and saw a certain innocence. She really thought what she was saying was fine.
Then I talked to her a little more and sadly found out that her home situation wasn't much different then the situation that she described with Tori Spelling and her husband. So since she was raised in it, it seems ok to her because that's what's normal to her. And even though this young lady is in church every week, she's still walking around thinking that this lifestyle acceptable.
My question is are we dropping the ball? I didn't quite know what to say to this young girl I'll admit because I never was in her situation and thankfully I'm not in it now at home. And I don't want to insult her or her mother (whoever she is, I've never actually met her). But at the same token I wanted her to know and understand how Christ views our sin. That even though we sin everyday - all of us, it's never acceptable whether we're in this type of situation or not. How do I speak to her about it or do I speak to her mother, or just take the time to get to know her better.
Well yesterday I chose just to let her talk and to listen. And I resolved to just get to know her better. I even told her to introduce me to her mother cause I'd like to meet her. And most importantly I'm going to pray for her and her family and God's guidance on dealing with these situations when they come up.
I always see the pre teens and teenagers in the bathroom when I go down to feed and change Peyton and I run into Amy nearly all the time down there.
Anyway we were discussing movies cause I told her that my son is a huge Elmo fan and she suggested that I get him a children's book by Tori Spelling. I didn't tell her but of course to me Tori Spelling and children's book don't even sound right in the same sentence. But anyway that's beside the point. I told her I didn't know that Tori Spelling had written children's stories and she went on to tell me that not only has she written children's stories but she left her ex husband for her current husband and not only that her current husband left his ex wife for Tori...ex wife and young infant Amy told me.
Anyway I told Amy that was horrible to hear that. And she said "no it's ok, they're happy now, they weren't happy before."
Are our young people really this twisted now a days to think that it's ok to cheat on your spouse and leave them for no reason other then unhappiness? According to Amy there's no abuse or infidelity...they just weren't happy.
It just really saddened me to hear a young pre teen talk so carelessly about marriage. I know she doesn't know much and doesn't even realize what she's saying but has Hollywood glamorized infidelity so much that it's becoming accepted?
If your spouse isn't making you happy then you should cheat on them? So I should cheat on Sam if he doesn't clean the floor the way I want him too? Or he should cheat on me if I don't vacuum the carpet in two weeks? Should I leave my children when Nathan throws his temper tantrums (believe me those don't make me happy!) Or what about when Peyton doesn't sleep in her own bed! WHAT ARE OUR CHILDREN LEARNING???!!!!
My point is that we all go through periods of unhappiness and just because we got married doesn't mean people from the opposite sex are suddenly unattractive. But to think it's ok to cheat and to justify it is just sad and it's more sad to see that Amy thought nothing was wrong with it. I let her talk the whole time and I looked into her pretty young brown eyes and saw a certain innocence. She really thought what she was saying was fine.
Then I talked to her a little more and sadly found out that her home situation wasn't much different then the situation that she described with Tori Spelling and her husband. So since she was raised in it, it seems ok to her because that's what's normal to her. And even though this young lady is in church every week, she's still walking around thinking that this lifestyle acceptable.
My question is are we dropping the ball? I didn't quite know what to say to this young girl I'll admit because I never was in her situation and thankfully I'm not in it now at home. And I don't want to insult her or her mother (whoever she is, I've never actually met her). But at the same token I wanted her to know and understand how Christ views our sin. That even though we sin everyday - all of us, it's never acceptable whether we're in this type of situation or not. How do I speak to her about it or do I speak to her mother, or just take the time to get to know her better.
Well yesterday I chose just to let her talk and to listen. And I resolved to just get to know her better. I even told her to introduce me to her mother cause I'd like to meet her. And most importantly I'm going to pray for her and her family and God's guidance on dealing with these situations when they come up.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
The Winner and Reigning Champion
If you notice, I haven't written anything in a few days. That's because I'm totally sleep deprived. Peyton's move isn't going so well. In fact it really isn't going at all. She's officially back in our room. Yes that's right, for right now she's the winner.
The first night I fought her hard. I'd lay her down and creep out of her room and about 20 minutes later I'd hear her wailing and I'd go back in. Please, don't leave me a bunch of comments about what the books say about doing this. I already know what the books say and in a way I don't agree with them. I might eventually have to let her cry it out and I'm not so against that idea, but since we recently just got her the crib she really hasn't spent much time in her room. It's a new place to her and I don't want to abandon her in there and just shut the door, not yet anyway. Yes I would love to have sleep and our bed back but I don't want to do it the wrong way and although I'm agonizing over this issue now it's really just a phase. Nathan's only 2 and I went through something similar getting him to sleep in his bed but honestly I can't remember the entire process now. Anyway I finally got her to sleep solid one time...only to have Nathan wake up with a serious nosebleed that required him to be dipped in the tub. So Sam gave him a bath at 4:00 in the morning and Peyton slept through that and woke up when Nathan was going back to sleep. I can't win!
Now we're taking a different approach and just trying to force her to nap in her room instead (another thing that isn't working). It was funny cause Sam's such a softy. I put her in there during the day to let her cry a little bit and get used to it. She was extremely sleepy yet she didn't want to sleep in her crib. She cried and wailed and I kept going in there to console her and then leave. Well Sam was working from home on Monday while I was doing this and took pity on her and said that we should go get her...I agreed with him although at 3 in the morning he's sleep when she's woke. I'm going to start playing with her in her room to get her used to being in there and we'll just take this one day at a time.
A really positive thing that's come out of this is that I get to rock her to sleep now. I used to rock Nathan all the time but I really haven't had the opportunity with Peyton. From the time she was born it's been me, her and Nathan while Sam's at work and when Sam's home I'd just fling her in our bed and she'd go right to sleep. Now Sam puts Nathan to sleep and I get to spend time rocking and feeding Peyton and it's been really great bonding time. She's such a sweet beautiful little girl and I just love this time with her. It's a very precious time that I'll never get back so I'm just cherishing it in my heart and trying to create memories. After she's fallen asleep in my arms I pull out my ipod and catch up on my "Focus on the Family" ministries. And I get devotional time as well. So the positive aspect is that I have that important bonding time with her and that quiet time with Christ.
The first night I fought her hard. I'd lay her down and creep out of her room and about 20 minutes later I'd hear her wailing and I'd go back in. Please, don't leave me a bunch of comments about what the books say about doing this. I already know what the books say and in a way I don't agree with them. I might eventually have to let her cry it out and I'm not so against that idea, but since we recently just got her the crib she really hasn't spent much time in her room. It's a new place to her and I don't want to abandon her in there and just shut the door, not yet anyway. Yes I would love to have sleep and our bed back but I don't want to do it the wrong way and although I'm agonizing over this issue now it's really just a phase. Nathan's only 2 and I went through something similar getting him to sleep in his bed but honestly I can't remember the entire process now. Anyway I finally got her to sleep solid one time...only to have Nathan wake up with a serious nosebleed that required him to be dipped in the tub. So Sam gave him a bath at 4:00 in the morning and Peyton slept through that and woke up when Nathan was going back to sleep. I can't win!
Now we're taking a different approach and just trying to force her to nap in her room instead (another thing that isn't working). It was funny cause Sam's such a softy. I put her in there during the day to let her cry a little bit and get used to it. She was extremely sleepy yet she didn't want to sleep in her crib. She cried and wailed and I kept going in there to console her and then leave. Well Sam was working from home on Monday while I was doing this and took pity on her and said that we should go get her...I agreed with him although at 3 in the morning he's sleep when she's woke. I'm going to start playing with her in her room to get her used to being in there and we'll just take this one day at a time.
A really positive thing that's come out of this is that I get to rock her to sleep now. I used to rock Nathan all the time but I really haven't had the opportunity with Peyton. From the time she was born it's been me, her and Nathan while Sam's at work and when Sam's home I'd just fling her in our bed and she'd go right to sleep. Now Sam puts Nathan to sleep and I get to spend time rocking and feeding Peyton and it's been really great bonding time. She's such a sweet beautiful little girl and I just love this time with her. It's a very precious time that I'll never get back so I'm just cherishing it in my heart and trying to create memories. After she's fallen asleep in my arms I pull out my ipod and catch up on my "Focus on the Family" ministries. And I get devotional time as well. So the positive aspect is that I have that important bonding time with her and that quiet time with Christ.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
The Exodus
So tonight's the night. Peyton will be leaving our bedroom to sleep in her own.
It's been a long time coming but now she's 6 months old and I feel she's ready. Her brother was in his room when he was 3 months old. Poor Nathan. I was so strict with him (and I don't regret it). I'd said that no child will sleep in the bed with me and Sam and with Nathan I meant it. He never liked his cradle and so he slept in his swing in our room until he was three months and then I moved him into his crib in his room.
Sure he fought it. But I won. At first he'd wake up several times at night and each time I'd rock him and put him back in his bed. One day he realized that he wasn't going to win this fight and gave up.
However, Peyton made a liar out of me and up until this time she's been sleeping in our room...in our bed. And you know what I don't regret it and neither does Sam. I used to force her to sleep in her cradle, but she'd wake up crying in the middle of the night and I'd have to grab her real quick because I didn't want her to wake up the household (especially Nathan). I didn't worry to much when Nathan used to cry because I could rock him and put him right back to sleep and so what if I didn't get much sleep that night cause I'm home anyway so I could just nap whenever he naps.
With Peyton it's not that simple. If she wakes him up then I'll have him crying in his room and her crying with me, and then Sam would probably want to get up and help but I don't want him sleepy at work the next day. So we let Peyton get away with murder.
And you should see her at night. We usually lay her down first and you can see her wiggling and settling into bed. When Sam lays down she'll turn her little face to him. It's kind of cute actually. But lately she's been getting too comfortable - spreading out and carrying on. So now Sam is off until the end of the month starting tomorrow and we've decided that it's time. Peyton's little bags are packed and she's outta here tonight!
It's been a long time coming but now she's 6 months old and I feel she's ready. Her brother was in his room when he was 3 months old. Poor Nathan. I was so strict with him (and I don't regret it). I'd said that no child will sleep in the bed with me and Sam and with Nathan I meant it. He never liked his cradle and so he slept in his swing in our room until he was three months and then I moved him into his crib in his room.
Sure he fought it. But I won. At first he'd wake up several times at night and each time I'd rock him and put him back in his bed. One day he realized that he wasn't going to win this fight and gave up.
However, Peyton made a liar out of me and up until this time she's been sleeping in our room...in our bed. And you know what I don't regret it and neither does Sam. I used to force her to sleep in her cradle, but she'd wake up crying in the middle of the night and I'd have to grab her real quick because I didn't want her to wake up the household (especially Nathan). I didn't worry to much when Nathan used to cry because I could rock him and put him right back to sleep and so what if I didn't get much sleep that night cause I'm home anyway so I could just nap whenever he naps.
With Peyton it's not that simple. If she wakes him up then I'll have him crying in his room and her crying with me, and then Sam would probably want to get up and help but I don't want him sleepy at work the next day. So we let Peyton get away with murder.
And you should see her at night. We usually lay her down first and you can see her wiggling and settling into bed. When Sam lays down she'll turn her little face to him. It's kind of cute actually. But lately she's been getting too comfortable - spreading out and carrying on. So now Sam is off until the end of the month starting tomorrow and we've decided that it's time. Peyton's little bags are packed and she's outta here tonight!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
I'm telling!
Nathan loves playing with Peyton while she's in her bouncer. He'll play with the toys on it with her and she'll reach for him. It's kind of cute to watch. But I have to watch him closely because he loves touching her face (namely her eye). Anyway I stop him whenever he does this so he knows he's not allowed.
So Sam and I were eating dinner today as Nathan and Peyton played with the bouncer. All was going well when I got up from the table to go in the kitchen. All of a sudden Peyton screams at the top of her lungs and starts crying and I turn to see Nathan fleeing the crime scene. He had a look of pure terror on his little face and was running as quick as his toddler legs would carry him. Unfortunately he didn't make it too far, he was so busy getting away from Peyton that he fell as he was running...which generated tears from him. Sam was taking a bite out of his chicken when all of this transpired so he too failed to see what started the whole thing, however, we both came to the conclusion that Nathan was guilty of something, but neither one of us knows what that something was. So this is a secret that him and Peyton will share.
Needless to say we didn't discipline Nathan, the floor handled that part when he fell and whatever he did to Peyton didn't last long because she quit crying right when she got picked up.
But let the record show that today is the first day Nathan's little sister "told" on him.
So Sam and I were eating dinner today as Nathan and Peyton played with the bouncer. All was going well when I got up from the table to go in the kitchen. All of a sudden Peyton screams at the top of her lungs and starts crying and I turn to see Nathan fleeing the crime scene. He had a look of pure terror on his little face and was running as quick as his toddler legs would carry him. Unfortunately he didn't make it too far, he was so busy getting away from Peyton that he fell as he was running...which generated tears from him. Sam was taking a bite out of his chicken when all of this transpired so he too failed to see what started the whole thing, however, we both came to the conclusion that Nathan was guilty of something, but neither one of us knows what that something was. So this is a secret that him and Peyton will share.
Needless to say we didn't discipline Nathan, the floor handled that part when he fell and whatever he did to Peyton didn't last long because she quit crying right when she got picked up.
But let the record show that today is the first day Nathan's little sister "told" on him.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Make me proud
I noticed when people talk to my children, they usually spend time trying to figure out what they should be when they grow up. I hear things like, "I hope Nathan becomes a doctor" or "Maybe she'll be a lawyer." It's actually fascinating because both of my children are under the age of two and even I, their mom, haven't taken much time to speculate on what I want them to be when they grow up. That may sound bad but really I haven't. I know what I don't want them to be, you know a drug dealer, prostitute, stripper to name a few but I haven't put much thought into what I want them to be yet. Maybe because they're still so little and I'm still caught up in diaper changes and late night feedings. Any other parent knows that when you're going through this stage it's kind of hard to see that far in the future. I have so many milestones that I haven't reached yet that it's just hard for me to look into their adult life. But I do pray for them often and I take it seriously when people tell me that it'll go by fast. I don't want it to - I'm actually in love with these baby and toddler years but the fact of the matter is they're going to grow up.
I mentioned that in an earlier post that the world relies and lifts up titles a lot and in a way that's not really a bad thing. I talk to many parents who'll tell me the dreams they have for their children and that's not a bad thing either I don't think. I remember as a young girl I wanted to be a brain surgeon, and an actress, and singer among many things. It changed all the time but the point was I wanted to be something.
Now I look at my children and I don't quite know what the future holds for them. I know Sam and I want to provide for them and guide them in every way we can and be there for them. I want them to make it in this world. And you know what's the heaviest burden I feel of all. How do I teach them to love Christ?
In reading and studying the Word of God I came across Mark 12:28:30
I mentioned that in an earlier post that the world relies and lifts up titles a lot and in a way that's not really a bad thing. I talk to many parents who'll tell me the dreams they have for their children and that's not a bad thing either I don't think. I remember as a young girl I wanted to be a brain surgeon, and an actress, and singer among many things. It changed all the time but the point was I wanted to be something.
Now I look at my children and I don't quite know what the future holds for them. I know Sam and I want to provide for them and guide them in every way we can and be there for them. I want them to make it in this world. And you know what's the heaviest burden I feel of all. How do I teach them to love Christ?
In reading and studying the Word of God I came across Mark 12:28:30
"28One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"
29"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'"
29"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'"
I know that there's often arguments over the interpretations of Bible verses but to me these are extremely clear. And when we think about the term "Love." How do we show our love for someone?
I know on this earth, there is no one I love more than my husband. I love my children to death too don't get it twisted but I'm a wife first, mother second. Anyway in saying that, I can't think of anything I wouldn't do for my husband. I really appreciate him and try to go out of my way to show him. I try to arrange our day so we'll get a little bit of time to ourselves (with two babies that's really hard, hence the word "try"). I'm here for him emotionally. I'll drop whatever I'm doing if he has an issue or really need to talk and if need be I'd give my life for him. That's true love in my opinion.
Now back to this Love that God commanded us to have for Him. I must admit, that I'm guilty of not loving Him as much as I'm supposed to. I sometimes go throughout my entire day without praying except at night. Sometimes the Bible doesn't get cracked for a week and unfortunately unless my life is in a crisis I forget to praise Him everyday for the wonderful things He's already done. What I'm trying to say is, I fall short on this command daily and I know that my words aren't going to be enough for my children. Who cares if I tell them everyday that they should love the Lord if they don't see Mama putting this love in action?
So it's something that's on my mind as I raise my children because I know that God entrusted them both to our care and it's not a responsibility that we take lightly. Maybe that's why I haven't put too much effort on what I want them to be. They can become that Doctor or Lawyer and yes I'd be proud. But if they become that and not accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, then what did they really accomplish? How will I feel one day bragging about my child's career knowing they haven't accepted Jesus Christ into their life?
I love John 14:6 that says: "6Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." I love it because I've accepted it, and I believe it. But that's me, it's a personal thing and I know that my children are going to be faced with the same choice one day.
So I'm trying not to worry about it because actually Jesus Christ was also clear about worrying. Matthew 6:23-32 told me:
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
And again I know people tend to question interpretations, but to me that's literal. He didn't give me an option when it comes to worry. He said don't do it. And God knew it'd be hard for us as humans not to do. How can you tell us not to worry when there's so much we can worry about? The economy is horrible, my children will have to go to school at some point, who knows what sicknesses may fall upon our family etc. How in the world can God give such a command? To be honest with you I know very few worry free people. My husband is one of them.
I'm telling you this man is the pillar of strength to me. I've never met anyone like him. I really can't think of any time I've ever seen him worried, even when I thought he should have been. That's why I'm so glad God chose him to be my husband and father of my children. He's not perfect but he does practice one thing and I'm learning it as well. To seek God in everything. Matthew 6:33-34 says: "33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
So I've decided to do just that. Seek God's will for Nathan and Peyton's lives. I'm sure God has a purpose for them and as a mom I want to seek God's purpose for them. Who knows, he may want them to become that Doctor or Lawyer and if He does then who knows how He'll use them in that position. But for now I am seeking God for them and for Sam and myself.
I need God's guidance on how to model this Christian walk in front of them. Children know if we're for real or not and they're watching or imitating. Just yesterday I watched Nathan try to put a garbage bag in the garbage can cause he sees Sam do it all the time. I always kiss Peyton and now she grabs my faces for kisses at just 6 months. So I know they're watching us, so what example am I giving them?
I often hear people say "She's just like her mother" or "He's just like his father" when referring to someone. It's funny cause they either say this about the most negative traits or the most positive ones. Or sometimes if it's a negative trait they'll say "I have no clue where he learned that." So one day Nathan and Peyton are going to be grown and no doubt they're going to take into adulthood our negative and positive traits, in other words they may begin look or sound like us. This concept is funny because I even see my husband doing some of the things his father does. He can't help it, he's just imitating things he saw (thankfully he had a wonderful example and I welcome these traits).
As a Christian I should be looking more and more like my Heavenly Father. Jesus provided lifesaving examples in the gospels. After I professed my love for Christ it doesn't stop there, now I'm going through the transformation of trying to look more and more like Him every single day. And I have to because my children are watching me. It's funny because I just heard on the radio recently that in many Christian homes children are leaving the faith. When polled it goes back to the examples they were taught in the home. Even children who went to church all the time are leaving because it wasn't for real when they got home. They see their parents gossip, holding grudges, cursing etc. Peyton and Nathan are watching me and God gave me a responsibility to be an example for them because in the end what I say isn't going to matter as much as what I do...that concept can be overwhelming and downright scary at times.
So I just pray that I take on these Christian traits because my children's most import decision has nothing to do with what grades they get in high school or college, or what career they choose. The most important decision they'll ever make is whether or not they open the door when Jesus knocks and nothing will make me prouder than that.
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