Good Hair...

Ok this post is directed more at African/African American women...but of course anyone can read and comment. I just say that because they're probably the only ones who will understand it.



Recently I've been hearing a lot of buzz over the term "good hair" again. I know this term has never left our speech as African Americans, but for some reason I'm hearing it more now. Especially since I have a daughter of my own.

So what is "good hair"? Unfortunately the term is just as negative as the word nigger. "Good Hair" when said by a black person, means hair that is naturally straight, or like a white persons.

Every little black girl is going to deal with this at some point in her life. It's inevitable. I remember in first grade my best friend Shelly was white, with the prettiest, long, blond hair I'd ever seen. And for the life of me I couldn't understand why my hair wasn't like hers. I remember begging my mom to be able to wear my hair down instead of in pigtails and just didn't understand why I couldn't. It didn't help that my mom had what blacks consider to be "good hair". As a little girl I remember my mother being able to wash and dry her hair and not have to go through the straightening, relaxing, and flat ironing etc. And it was extremely thick and beautiful...but mine though thick, was different.

For the longest I was the only black girl in my gymnastics class. By that time my mother used to straighten my hair but of course gymnastics in the summer equals sweating and I'd "sweat my hair out" so the straightening job wouldn't last. It was hard because on the days of our gymnastics meets my coach would want us to look uniform, but I couldn't wear the hairstyles my teammates wore so again I'd look different. Alot of the hair clips they wanted to wear I couldn't wear and that was hard. Though I did used to get a lot of compliments on my hair which helped. But as a black girl it wasn't as easy to just fling my hair into a pony tail. It needed to be "done".

Also swimming in high school sucked. I took swimming lessons as a child so I knew how to swim and didn't see the point in swimming in junior high and high school. You're only given 10 minutes after getting out of the pool to get dressed and get to your next classes. You could always tell the swim weeks in high school, because unless a black girl had braids in her hair or really short hair, then it just looked a mess for those two weeks...

Growing up I had a lot of family members with naturally straight hair so I was around it a lot. I also had some friends with naturally straight hair or hair that didn't require a perm or a straightening comb to be straight. LOL I've also come across a ton of people who claim to have naturally straight hair....that's a whole other post for a whole other day.

The term "good hair" was a curse word in our home. Although my mother's hair was naturally straight she never let me believe mine wasn't just as beautiful and she spent a lot of time learning how to do my hair. She had to learn how to use a straightening comb, etc. and she worked hard at it. She also took the time to find hair dressers who were able to do my hair.

I don't remember the exact time that I grew out of wanting hair that was different than mine, but somewhere along the line I came to not only, like, but love my hair. I could braid it and I could go from straight hair to extremely curly (with the help of a few rollers), my hair is thick and I learned what I needed to do to help it grow etc. It may have been the huge rise in the hip hop culture that helped me appreciate my hair more or maybe it was reaching another level of maturity, I don't know, but I do know that now I absolutely love my hair and I feel my hair is perfect for me.

Now I have a daughter. I was soooo happy when I found out I was having a little girl, but having a child reveals again just how many obstacles we as a people still have to overcome. Believe it or not when my children were born I had people watching them closely to see if they were going to "darken up" or not. I could care LESS what complexion my children were but others around me were so picky about it. Also my daughter especially was watched to see what her hair was going to do. And a lot of black people do not believe in cutting their boys hair the first year. There's absolutely no reason not to, and if you ask ten different black people, you'll get ten different reasons as to why you're not supposed to cut it, but the main reason I hear is you'll mess up the texture...

My daughters hair is beautiful and I love it. I love coming up with ways to do it and I LOVE putting bows in her hair...though I do know one day I'm going to have to explain to her why hers is...different. Why it takes a little work to get a comb through, why she can't just "wash and go" etc. And not only that I'm going to have to teach her how to love hers. I don't know if this is as big a deal with African American boys. My husband and I had a long discussion about this the other day and I don't believe it is from what we discussed so I don't worry about my son as much but with my daughter I know it's going to be an issue.

Now my parents did a WONDERFUL job of explaining it to us. And not only that my parents were adamant about making sure we were in places and around people who looked like us. To some people that sounds prejudice but it's not. We were in a mixed neighborhood and always went to mixed schools. I don't think it's prejudice to want your kids around your race, I think racism comes in when you don't want your kids around any other race but theirs. That's the difference. My parents just made a point in making sure we were not the minorities in our environment. Now I know what you're going to say "if it wasn't for the Little Rock Nineand other trailblazers we wouldn't have the right to go to schools so maybe it was a bad idea for my parents not to make trailblazers out of us"...to that I say don't forget we were born in the 70s...we already had those freedoms to go where we want the trailblazers came before us. My parents had us in mixed environments for a reason. We were allowed to befriend whomever we wanted. But when I had questions or issues with my pigtails, I wasn't the ONLY girl in my church, or school with pigtails. I didn't stick out like a sore thumb. My best friend happened to be white but still there were people there who looked like me and had hair like mine and I really applaud them for making an effort to put me in situations that I could not only learn about people who didn't look like me but also have people around who did look like me. And I was the only black in my gymnastics class as I mentioned above and that's mainly because gymnastics, like golf, and tennis have few blacks in them to begin with, and I had a wonderful coach and made a lot of great friends (some of whom still remember my afro puffs to this day:-)

Peyton one day is going to question her hair, she's going to wonder why her friends of other nationalities can wash their hair everyday, yet she cannot or it will damage her hair. I used to go to a salon where there were white and black hair dressers, and one lady approached me, she was white and we had a wonderful conversation and she said she never realized until she started working at that salon just how much it took to do a black woman's hair. Seriously a white hairdresser will do about 6 people's heads to every 1 black customer. She said she was blown away to witness it and and she loved learning about it (of course there are a ton of white hairdressers out there that know how to style African Americans hair).

As mom I might take a different approach with her. I'm very protective of both of my children although some things they're still going to have to learn on their own but I protect them whenever I can. In talking to Sam the other day I told him that I don't know how to do my natural hair. Seriously I've been straightening my hair and getting relaxers for so long that if I were to go back to my natural hair, I honestly wouldn't know what to do with it. And believe it or not, many black hairdressers don't know how to style natural African/African American hair either. It's not that I'm not proud of my hair, but seriously I only know how to style it with perms and relaxers...it's just all I know. I think I'm going to teach Peyton different. I want her to have pride in her natural hair, and I want to learn how to do it. If she gets a little older and want a relaxer or wants it straightened then I have no problem with that either, but in the meantime I want her to know that her hair is "good" and beautiful and absolutely perfect. I tell her that when I'm combing it. I want her to love and appreciate it. I want her to love everything about her self and improve the things she can improve but appreciate and love how God made her as an African American woman. And to be honest with you that's another beauty in our hair. We can go from Natural, to straighten, to a relaxer, to a jerry curl (if you really want to go back there lol), to curly, to braids, to an afro etc...and I'm proud of that and I want Peyt to be proud of that too.

*Please don't take this post to mean that African/African American women are the only ones with hair issues. I'm not saying that. I'm just writing about my hair and what I can relate to :-)