My Hero

I have to write about my hero. My love. My husband.

There's so many wonderful things I can say about him but this post couldn't fit them all.

I can't tell you how much I admire him. Still to this day I've not met anyone quite like him. He's not easily provoked and not easily angered. Sometimes I wonder if anything phases him. And the best trait about him is he really thinks before he speaks. It's a trait I'd like to emulate one day. He brings a peace to our home that is immeasurable. In all of our 7 years of marriage I've honestly never heard him argue with anyone (except me of course;-).

He's gentle yet firm when it comes to disciplining the children, hardly raising his voice. He keeps his cool in the most difficult situations. He knows how to admit when he's wrong and he will accept his faults and apologize if need be. He's not perfect and is willing to admit that and he's always willing to learn in areas that he's weak.

Sam works hard providing for his family and he does it without complaining. As a matter of fact it seems to bring him joy. He's diligent.

He's not a fearful man, not easily ruffled even in the most difficult situations.

The most important thing is he lead me to Christ. My parents took me to church my entire life but my husband led me to Jesus Christ. After witnessing all of the qualities I described above I wanted to know what was his inspiration. What made him truly love and care for people.? What makes him love me and our children so much? What makes him hold his tongue even in the most difficult situations?

I love the caring soft way he cares for the children. I love to see him greasy underneath the hood of the car (kind of sexy too I might add). He's a hard worker. He has goals for our family and he works hard at making those goals a reality.

I see a lot of my husband in my son and I'm so proud of that. As much as I want Nathan to talk more I notice how much he observes, how much he listens to people. Sometimes it's fun to watch them standing next to each other father and son. Then I love how Peyton crawls to him full speed screaming Dada. I love how Sam makes a point of giving her a kiss every single night. I love the tone of his voice when he says "honey" to Peyton and Nathan. I love that he tells them "I love you" all the time.

He seeks God and leads us in prayer every night. He's my best source of advice. My favorite shoulder to lean on. Just my favorite person in this world. My hero. My husband.

Why God Made Husbands

I'm so convinced that God made husbands to keep wives sane! I just love how when I want to panic or really fall into worry my husband is the true voice of reason. Thank you so much God for giving him to me. And thank you so much Sam for being that constant "rock."

And the crown goes to...

There is a lot of buzz around Miss California, Carrie Prejean, and how she answered a question during the Miss American pageant concerning gay unions.



And you know what? I am so proud of this young lady and for taking the stand that she did. Instead of giving a "politically correct" answer she answered how she believed even though she knew it wouldn't be popular.



I know in the Christian community there is a lot of debate as to whether a Christian woman should be in pageants in the first place. I can't really comment on this issue because I'm totally on the fence. I know that the pageant world and the high fashion world are totally different and I'm definitely against the high fashion modeling industry but I've never really been able to come to a conclusion on whether or not I agree or disagree with the pageant world. We need missionaires in both worlds though. I don't know why people are so willing to send their children overseas to Hindi and Muslim countries for mission work but panic at the idea of them going into this industry.



I know a lot of people's issues is around self esteem and what it does to young women, blah blah blah. But hey kids today are horribly overweight and I feel it needs to be addressed. Not saying I'm going to enter my daughter in any beauty pageants, even though I think she's pretty enough to be (LOL of course I may be biased). But I will encourage healthy eating habits. And I will address it if I see her gaining too much. I don't plan on being insensitive, however, I will address that issue if it ever becomes one.



I struggle with my weight I always have and if she's anything like me she probably will too. I don't want her to have low self esteem, however, I think it's important to encourage healthy eating habits. Besides the humiliation of being overweight and if you've never been there, there is a ton of humiliation involved. Shopping sucks for one. Finding clothes that flatter and fit are hard and usually the plus size section is in the back of the store. Running into people who haven't seen you in awhile and witnessing their "silent" reactions. Not mention the old church ladies who feel the need to tell you, you've gained (as if you didn't already know).



And my family has a ton of health issues such as diabetes, cancer, and high blood pressure and it's just stuff that I don't want my daughter to experience and it can all be avoided if she learns early on how to take care of herself and her body. And I don't want her to be a size 2 or fit into any mold like that. I may not like being overweight but I love my thighs and hips and back side area and I think I've blessed Peyton with that so I wouldn't encourage her to be too skinny either. Just healthy and as she grows I'll have to pray about how to do this without hurting her self esteem.



So I want to teach her different, African American food is cooked with tons of seasonings and though it tastes good it's not always good for you. So I want to learn myself and also teach her and my son in the process how to eat better.



LOL and I totally forgot where I was going with this blog post and I know it's all over the place.



But yeah so I'm proud of Miss California. Proud that she said what she said and that she's continuing to stick up for marriage. I really don't care about the new pictures coming out of the wood works. She was 17 at the time and made a mistake and admits that and to be honest with you I made a ton in my teenage years that I wouldn't want broadcast either.



And I'll use my blog to also say this. I'm TOTALLY 100% against Same sex marriage of any kind. I'm equally against same sex couples being able to adopt. Marriage is sacred and should be between a man and a woman (and they should be born a man and a woman - sex changes don't count).

Homemaker

Ok I have a couple of friends who are Homemakers who are still getting beat up for their decisions. Even though some of you have been homemakers for awhile you still have to deal with the naysayers and have asked me how do I cope with it and also some have asked me some questions that I'll address as well. Well this blog entry is directed towards you and I hope it helps.



HOW DO YOU ANSWER THE NAYSAYERS

I don't. Don't waste time trying to justify or explain your decision. It's a waste of time. If you and your husband are confident with your decision then who cares what others have to say.



WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR SPARE TIME

LOL I don't have much spare time to be honest with you. When I get it, I really like to read or scrapbook or if Sam's home then I like to spend time with him. For my birthday Sam got a really good book for me it's called "In Praise of Stay-at-Home-Moms" I encourage you to read it. It deals with a lot of the questions I get asked all them time. And the author offers a lot of encouragement. Maybe it'll help if I put this in bullet points

• Also I like to go to the library. There's free classes there for that I've gotten Nathan and Peyton involved in.


• Also our local library has a "Toy Library" with over 5000 toys that I can rent out for three weeks. They're all sterilized and washed so I take advantage of that


• I LOVE going for walks. I'll throw the kids in the stroller in a minute and set out. We always go to very well populated areas for safety:-)


• Most towns have a Children's Museum and we're no stranger to ours.


• I also love staying home and inventing games. It's ok to be creative. I've made forts out of the kitchen chairs and a comforter. I've used plastic cups as "pins" and played bowling etc. I find it fun to get on the floor and just play with the kids.


• There's mom groups that you can google and join. One being "Mochoa Mom's" most of these groups have local chapters and I haven't joined any but heard of a lot of benefits from them.


• For Clevelanders visit clevelandkidsguide.com for more ideas


• Every evening I soak for an hour in the tub (that really rejuvenates me) and I can read for awhile.


• Once a month it's nice to go to dinner with one of my girlfriends.

DO YOU EVER GET BORED

Honestly hardly ever. If you're home you have certain freedoms. You may not get the lunch breaks etc that you'd get if you were working but you have the freedom to plan your day. If you want to go to the park then go. If you want to stay home then stay home. I actually have a white board up in my home and I plan out our activities. It helps me because I have certain goals every single day. And I'm flexible, if I don't get to something on my little list then who cares, I just move it back another day.

I STRUGGLE WITH TALKING TO KIDS ALL DAY

I don't struggle to much with this actually. I have people I can call if I want to but to be honest with you I only plan on make one or two phone calls a week. I don't particularly like taking time away from the children. I find if I'm on the phone for two hours then I have less time with them and although that happens and I like to keep in touch with people, I don't like making it a habit. So if I was on the phone on Monday, then I don't plan on being on it the next day.

HOW DO YOU FIND TIME TO GET THINGS DONE

Well first of all relax. Some things will get done and others won't and that's ok. I'm almost obsessed with making Sam and the kids comfortable but sometimes things don't get done. I've cleaned one room to move into the next only to hear Nathan emptying his toybox onto the floor of the room I just finished cleaning. I've learned to laugh at these situations and at times I just sit and join in the play.

Also get the kids involved. If you have toddlers then they'd love to "help" you, so let them. You may not get much done but you'll create some wonderful memories.
WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR STRUGGLES/CHALLENGES
Honestly since I've learned to quit letting peoples comments get to me I don't have too many. But I will tell you some of the things I used to deal with.
Hurtful Comments
It used to really hurt to hear people say "you're wasting your life" or "your missing out" or "I just can't do it" (that honestly is the dumbest comment of them all to me. I want to ask people "what can't you do?").
It used to hurt to hear people throw their positions in my face. And it was evident at about 15 months that my son was a late talker so that really opened up the flood gates for criticism and of course he's talking late because he's home with me...and that hurt because he's involved in everything and has always been around people and kids but still people for some reason assume if you're home you sit in this weird little bubble.
How did I deal with it?
Well my husband helped a lot in this area, reassuring me. And I remember too that sometimes hurt people, hurt people. The truth starts to come out if you listen to people. So I really learned not to take all comments to heart.
Also a friend of mine in Nathan's gymboree class who is a SAHM made a comment that just always stood out to me. She's a former engineer and she said about the career, "I've been there, done that, here's my life now" It was so simple and to be honest with you at the time we were just chatting not trying to cheer each other up or anything but that statement struck a cord. How can you miss something you've already done? I've had the career, I know what that's like already. I'm not "missing" anything.
And about my son he was examined by 7 different professionals (we went overboard with it I know) and one thing I asked each one is "is it because he wasn't in daycare or that he was around me too much." Every single one told me that being home with me was the best thing for him. So there ya go.
What about your children or husband not respecting you
Another common fear amongst SAHM. To be honest with you our marriage has flourished since I've been here. Sam LOVES it. As much as I love it he probably loves having me home more. Our lives are calm (well kind of calm, LOL I do have two toddlers so as calm as calm can be).
Was it hard leaving the workforce initially
Yes. Very, very hard. I'd worked hard to get my position and after years of working jobs I didn't like, I finally found a position I loved. Not only that but we were terrified of going to one income. This society is really set on a two income family and it almost seems like the only way to provide is if two people are working and the more stuff you have ties into happiness and if you go to one income you'll live like paupers etc. So that was hard and scary.
Also I worried about the comments. "She's going to do what??????!!!!!!" and the "When are you going back?"
What I didn't worry about surprisingly is if Sam would leave. I know that's a fear of many women but I just feel if that was my fear then I wouldn't have children with him. It's just crazy to me to work "in case of a divorce" and still have kids. If you feel that way I honestly think you shouldn't have children. That way if he leaves at least you're only responsible for yourself don't bring a child into the mix. I'd rather spend that time and energy investing it in my marriage.
I didn't worry about death although I'd be devastated to lose my husband, we already had policies so there wasn't a fear there.
I worried about boredom. What was I going to do. Who was I going to hang around with etc.
How did I deal with this?
It was a culture shock at first. And I did not deal with it good at first. I don't want this post to seem as if I had it all together because I cried many a day in the beginning.
I do remember though a particular hard day I was having with Nathan. He was a colicky baby and this particular day he'd cried three hours straight and I was ready to pull my hair out. Nothing I was doing was consoling him and I was actually supposed to go somewhere but because he was so worked up I had to cancel. He finally fell asleep on our bed and I laid next to him and I'll never forget instead of wanting to get away from him it was the day I remember being most grateful for being with him. As difficult as he was to deal with that day I was happy that I was the one dealing with him and not someone else and it just made it worth it at that moment.
As far as the income is concerned. In the beginning we hit some rough patches. I was used to eating out all the time and buying things on a whim and that had to stop. But to be honest I was just telling Sam yesterday that it seems like we have more. I don't have that minivan yet. But I do have two nice cars that are paid off. I still love our home and my needs and even some of my wants are provided for. I'm actually really content right now.
Boredom. Well I already addressed that, it really doesn't happen and too Sam is blessed to be able to work from home 2 days a week so that breaks up my week a lot having him home.
IN CLOSING: HELPFUL TIPS
Pray. I can't stress that enough. I set up my calendar to alert me every hour to remind me to say a quick prayer. I pray for my children, my husband, for strength and I pray for contentment, I give thanks etc. But pray without ceasing.
Sam got me hooked on Zig Ziglar, who is a Christian motivating speaker and I listen to him and he taught me something valuable. That is always start the day on the right foot and end on the right foot. I always make sure my children are greeted nice and warm in the morning. I never plan anything too early in the day because I don't like to set the day rushing. I like them to wake up slow and to be greeted because the way you start your day sets the tone. I also like to do the same at night.
Respect your husband and actually pray for ways to serve him. LOL I know it sounds old fashioned but some of you who are SAHM - your husband is really good friends with mine and I get to hear how much they love having you home and that's a blessing because all husbands don't support this. Sam looks for ways to make my life easier and it's so evident in the way he treats me and our family that I love to do the same for him. Remember our marriages come first and you and your spouse will be together long after the children leave. I encourage you to do something very nice for your spouse every single day of the week, make a point of it. If you know he needs his lunch packed, then pack it. etc. But show that man respect and watch how much he loves you in return.
Don't get into a battle of words with people. And don't down mothers who work either. You can't enter into anyone else's household just like they can't enter into yours so save your critical tongue and spirit. And learn to forgive those who's words have hurt you.
Rest when you can. I don't advise cleaning when the children are down (I know sometimes that's the only time). I say rest with them. You need to be as well rested as possible and that's so hard with children but if you can steal a few minutes to rest then do so.
Concentrate on making your house a home and enjoy it. Enjoy your children, they're only in your home for a very short season don't let it be marked by complaining or discontentment. You could be having that career you miss, but it's a catch 22 because then you'd be missing some of their growing up. So choose in your mind which one you'll rather focus on and get over the other and enjoy what you're doing!

I still love him

You know I've been checking out my husband a lot lately and he's still as sexy as ever and I'm thankful I still have these feelings.


I keep wondering why we have such a rise in divorce and the lines aren't blurred across the church and I'm finding that women are equally promiscuous now a days and it all saddens me. I have many friends and family members who I think would make someone a great husband or wife, yet they haven't found that special someone yet.

I realize that marriage now a days isn't popular. I got married when I was 23 and my husband was 22 (yes I'm older :-) and I always get told that I married young. My mother married when she was 18 (I know I keep hearing the times were different speeches) so I actually considered myself older when I got married.

I've got some friends and family members who chose to shack up first saying they want to get their lives and careers in order first before they get married...fine but why are you living together? Somehow that doesn't make sense to me either.

And I don't mean to sound so harsh because I realize with the rise of divorce a lot of my friends came from single parent homes or homes where the marriages were not quite "together". I on the other hand had a wonderful example of marriage so I can't always relate. My Dad really digs my mother and she really loves my Dad. Their love for each other is something that I never doubted. He thinks she's beautiful and they're the best of friends even to this day. The same was true for both sets of my grandparents and they were all inseparable. Where you see my mom, you see my dad. They really enjoy each others company.

I always wanted that in my relationship. I remember telling my husband when we were dating that I wanted a marriage like my parents. I wanted a man who loved me. Also it was extremely important to me that he enjoy my company because I truly believe in sticking together. A lot of people see this as clingy and call it a negative thing but I disagree.

Whenever I talk to a woman about to get married to a good man I really love to encourage her. Love your husband I tell her and enjoy being a wife. Let him be the head of your household and always give him the highest respect to his face and behind his back (when with girlfriends). And especially let your children see how much you love and respect that man.

I remember hearing a Christian program where a man said that your children should know these three facts about their father. He:

1. Loves the Lord


2. Loves their mother


3. Loves his children

And I also agree they should know them about their mother.

My parents were excellent in having a "united front" as I call it. They never disagreed on an issue involving us in front of us. I remember wanting a particular car when I was 16 and my father told me he wasn't getting it. I remember them talking quietly in their room that same day (our vents were attached but they were talking so quietly I couldn't hear even with my ear pressed up against it :-). When they came out they announced they were getting the car after all (I think my mom played a huge role in that). And I have many childhood examples of such scenarios, sometime it was my mom who's mind needed changing etc. But I do know in front of me they were united. I couldn't ask mom for candy and sneak off and ask my dad if she'd already said no. And it was a good thing.

I know my parents loved each other and took their "til death do us part" vows seriously. And I take them seriously as well and so does my husband.

And as beautiful as marriage is to me I'm still baffled at why so many are falling apart. Is it that spouses aren't taking time to spend quality time with each other? Is it that we're not taking an interest in each others hobbies? Although some hobbies are specific to one person some can be shared right? Are lifestyles too busy? Are we as married Christian couples failing to counsel and encourage other young Christian couples?

This divorcing for "irreconcilable differences" is really starting to piss me off. I would never encourage anyone to stay in an abusive relationship or where infidelity is involved. However if your divorcing just because he leaves the toilet seat up and you like it down then that's where I have issues. I've talked to people who tell me why they're leaving their spouse and maybe they're not always telling me the whole story because it baffles me. I have to wonder; is that all??? Sam and I would've left each other a long time ago for some of the dumb stuff I hear. Just because he puts the Tupperware in the pantry and you like it in the cabinet doesn't equal divorce. Or just because one of you spent the money foolishly on one item (or several) doesn't equal divorce.

I remember talking to a co worker about 4 years ago who was about to get married and I was so happy for her. I told her so and she was almost in tears with me. Mind you I barely knew her but we went to lunch for the first time together and she said that other than her parents who loved the guy her friends kept telling her how all men cheat and how she's too young to get married (she was 27 at the time). Mind you I do believe that sometime counsel is needed when a friend is going to marry someone wrong for them. IE the person isn't saved, or abusive, or lazy, or just wrong for them. Then by all means we should speak up and warn the person and that will stop an inevitable divorce. However, when we're telling people not to get married and have no good reason for it then I question people's motives. Anyway she was really happy that I was so encouraging of it and they're still happily married today.

I'll be honest with you too, I have issues with people writing their own vows instead of keeping the traditional ones. If you ever pay attention to the words in the wedding vows they're so deep:

"I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part"

That promise is so special and deep and it covers so much that I hate to see any of it omitted. And I wish people would really think about what those vows really mean.

Marriage is a wonderful thing when you marry the person God has for you. I married my absolute best friend. When were dating we'd sit on my parent's side porch and talk for hours. Literally. No tv, nothing. LOL and believe it or not there weren't a whole lot of make out sessions going on on that porch. So we really got to know each other very well. I remember being at a ministry meeting and someone made the comment "who really takes time to get to know who they're dating" and out of 4 couples in that room we were the only ones who could honestly say that we did.

I truly pray that our son grows up to mirror his father. I always write in his journal that if he becomes even half of what his father is then he's going to make someone a wonderful husband one day. And I pray that our daughter grows up to find someone who can make her as happy and content as I've been/am. If I were to die today I truly would die a very happy woman and that's because God blessed me with a very wonderful (sexy) man.