Nannies

I was at my son's gymboree class last week and had an interesting conversation with a Nanny. Now being a stay at home mom, I meet a ton of different people as I'm out with my children. I have Nathan and Peyton involved in several things and coming across a child and his/her nanny isn't uncommon though to me it still strikes me as weird.

A nanny is a lot more than a baby sitter and when I'm out I do run into children and their babysitters as well, they're pretty easy to spot. A child and a nanny isn't (unless of course the nationalities are different). But they're very hard to spot because most times you'd just assume the child was with their mommy.

And I must admit I'm extremely jealous of some of these Nannies. I had a long conversation with one named Lindsey last Thursday. Ironically she was from my husband's hometown and though she was 4 years younger than me and had no children of her own, she had a ton of experience and gave me the best advice on potty training I'd ever gotten. Seriously no mother has ever given me methods such as hers. She's potty trained three and she attended Alexandria School in Solon, OH. She's already been a nanny to twins in Canada, as well as the family she's currently with now. The perks of her job are phenomenal. Not only is her salary higher than I'd guess most people's are, but it also comes with room and board and a car. When she becomes a mother to her own children, I can just imagine the experience she's going to bring to the table.

But the thing that saddened me and I point blank asked her is "aren't you technically raising the children yourself?" The answer obviously is yes. Right now she's a nanny to a family of two attourney's. It's obvious the little girls parents are very successful, though I see they're missing so much they can't get back to chase something for a child who could care less... Am I saying one of the parents should stay home? Not necessarily, but I am saying they should have a little more time for their child. When it gets to the point that the nanny is attending classes, and baseball games, and spelling bees instead of of mommy or daddy, then I think some priorities need adjusting. I do remember when I used to work I met with one of the executives, named Tom and he gave my team the best bit of advice ever. You can get your job back but not time with your family. Tom had a strict rule, no anything after 4:00 - meetings, phone calls, etc. After 4 he went home and this particular day he had to be at a ball game for his niece so he wasn't about to let the meeting run over. And he reported directly to the CEO and had an office overlooking the browns stadium yet he always said it didn't compare to family.

You see some people have this concept down. Yet others and I'm sad to say, especially women struggle in this area horribly. If someone else is literally raising your child in this way, then I think maybe priorities should be question. Not all but some nannies are paid so well that it's obviously a very important job. Most nanny position require the nanny to enter into a 1 to 2 year contract so that the child has some normalcy. Nannies are required to work at least 16 to 18 hours a day and do some of the house hold cleaning. They're also responsible for teaching the child manners, and basic things about life etc.

I think women need to check themselves. Nannies no matter how fantastic can't replace the love of a mother and father. Quit letting someone else enjoy our children.

I read an interesting quote in a community on circle of moms:

"while I was in college I was a summer Nanny for families in Chicago and I saw how much my little charges missed they're Moms and Dads who sometimes only spent a few hours a week with them. Yes some of these kids got everything they wanted financially and they weren't starving for food but some were starving for Mommy and Daddy's attention and Love. because lets face it no matter how much I gave them I wasn't there Mom."

Planning ahead

So the hubby calls from work today to tell me something interesting. He was in charge of planning his departments offsite this year (he did a FANTASTIC job by the way:-) and he had someone from the FBI come and speak. Depending on the job you take with the FBI, there'd be a TON of traveling involved. So much so that it may be hard to have a family. My hubby said he was talking to the guy and asked if it was hard to balance family and work and he answered "Actually my wife stays home full time and my children are home schooled so they can come with me." Sam knew I'd find that interesting.

Lately I've had a few conversations with women who are questioning what it's like to be home full time (to be honest I get asked this A LOT). Now mind you, I'm not the type to state to someone, "you should stay home." Not because I don't think this is the correct way. I'm definitely more for women staying at home then working outside of the home, but when talking to women, I do believe I should be sensitive and it's not so easy to just tell someone what they should do. I don't know their household needs and in some situations it would be hard for people to live off of one income and I understand that. But what I do tell them is to plan ahead for the future.

When talking to a girlfriend recently she was asking me some of the benefits of being at home and I told her I find it nice to be available. That I can truly concentrate on Sam and the children without worrying about work. When Sam got sent on a business trip we were able to go. When Peyton ended up in the hospital I was able to stay with her. No questions asked. I had choices and it was times like these that I really appreciated the flexibility.

So for those of you who aren't married yet or don't have children. Think ahead and start planning now. For those who don't know me well and haven't read my blog before, I was a total career woman in the past. I believed that children should be in daycare and I was going to have my career and in my head I didn't see anything wrong with it. Then I got pregnant and throughout the entire pregnancy I struggled. I made decent money so I spent a lot of time researching the best daycares I could find. We were against home daycares, so I didn't even look there but even the best daycares didn't cut it for me and I struggled with my decision.

Sam and I took that trip back down memory lane today and we both don't remember when we said definitely that we're not going to put Nathan in one. I don't remember what month of pregnancy I was in at the time when we made that choice but I do remember feeling a small sense of relief. Then after Nathan was born I remember when he hit the 6 week mark and I told Sam today that even if I hadn't made the decision before, I definitely would've made it then and not handed him over.

I'm not saying this to say that everyone is going to feel this way when they get to this point. But I want you to know that in the years leading up to Nathan's birth we didn't put a lot of thought and emphasis into our future children other than the fact that we knew we wanted them someday. I used to flirt with the idea of wanting to be home, but I didn't have any reason I felt to pursue this at the time and so Sam and I didn't, and truly I didn't understand how hard of a decision it would be to make. There's so much to take into consideration:
1. Can we afford to do this?
2. Do I really want to give up my career?
3. Is he better off in a daycare around tons of other kids instead of at home with just me?
4. How will I feel leaving him? Can I actually drop him off with virtual strangers?
5. Will I get bored? What will I do at home all day?
6. How's my husband going to handle this situation in the long run?
7. What's the turn over rate in daycare and the screening process?
8. What's it going to be like not getting a paycheck of my own?
9. Even if we can afford to live on one income, do I want to cut back just to stay home?
And I could go on and on with more questions I had. I'm just giving you a few to let you know it's not a decision to take lightly.

So am I implying that you should stay home when you have children. No. I'm actually saying do your planning so you have options. Before you marry see where your future husband stands on this issue. Set up your household so that if you have that baby and change your mind then you can be there with him or her. And if you decide to keep working then have that planned out as well. Where is your child going to stay while you work? Is your job family friendly etc. It's a little something I wish I knew before Sam and I had children. No matter what you say you never know how you're going to feel when you get pregnant. Then you may feel differently again after you actually have your child and look at them. Just be prepared and position yourself so that you have several options instead of just one. Even though Sam and I did it and in the end it's going really well, I believe it would have been a lot better if we'd planned it out. It still would have been a transition but I don't believe it would've had as many bumps in the beginning if we'd set ourselves up differently.

So worth it

I wake up a hour before Peyton, then she wakes up an hour before Nathan. During that time we cuddle and say quick prayers. Then Nathan wakes up full of energy usually and his hugs are tight with a rough edge and thus begins our day. The children are feeling better so their activities have increased. It's summer so a lot of the neighborhood kids are outside playing.

I'm just so thankful right now. I love being home. I was walking around the zoo yesterday, thanking God and thanking Sam for being so appreciative of this arrangement. The day before we went to a kiddie park and had a wonderful time.

Even when Peyton was in the hospital I was thankful to be able to be there myself. I love being home. Even right now it's 9:50 and I'm letting the children sleep in. Peyton's usually up at 8 so I'm guessing she's pretty tired ;-). The windows are open and the birds are chirping. My storms have passed it's 80 degrees. It's so nice to plan the day. I keep activites planned for the children but if we get to them fine - if not - oh well.

I'm in love with being home full time and as time progress and the children grow, my love for being here grows as well. I love watching them discover new things, and taking them on trips. I love researching online- finding new places and things to stimulate them. I love putting them down for naps and greeting Sam after he gets off.

I love being able to console the children at night, knowing the next day we can just relax if we haven't gotten the proper sleep. I love it. This post is more so directed at the mother's or new mothers contiplating leaving work or staying at home with your new baby. You always hear the negatives but not the postives. If you have to work then don't beat youself up over that but if there's a possibility of staying home and you're hesitant or scared-don't be. It's a transition and in the beginning it may be rough, but it's so worth it if you can.

I hear Peyton waking up "talking" so I have to go :-)



-- Post From My iPhone

Homemaker

Ok I have a couple of friends who are Homemakers who are still getting beat up for their decisions. Even though some of you have been homemakers for awhile you still have to deal with the naysayers and have asked me how do I cope with it and also some have asked me some questions that I'll address as well. Well this blog entry is directed towards you and I hope it helps.



HOW DO YOU ANSWER THE NAYSAYERS

I don't. Don't waste time trying to justify or explain your decision. It's a waste of time. If you and your husband are confident with your decision then who cares what others have to say.



WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR SPARE TIME

LOL I don't have much spare time to be honest with you. When I get it, I really like to read or scrapbook or if Sam's home then I like to spend time with him. For my birthday Sam got a really good book for me it's called "In Praise of Stay-at-Home-Moms" I encourage you to read it. It deals with a lot of the questions I get asked all them time. And the author offers a lot of encouragement. Maybe it'll help if I put this in bullet points

• Also I like to go to the library. There's free classes there for that I've gotten Nathan and Peyton involved in.


• Also our local library has a "Toy Library" with over 5000 toys that I can rent out for three weeks. They're all sterilized and washed so I take advantage of that


• I LOVE going for walks. I'll throw the kids in the stroller in a minute and set out. We always go to very well populated areas for safety:-)


• Most towns have a Children's Museum and we're no stranger to ours.


• I also love staying home and inventing games. It's ok to be creative. I've made forts out of the kitchen chairs and a comforter. I've used plastic cups as "pins" and played bowling etc. I find it fun to get on the floor and just play with the kids.


• There's mom groups that you can google and join. One being "Mochoa Mom's" most of these groups have local chapters and I haven't joined any but heard of a lot of benefits from them.


• For Clevelanders visit clevelandkidsguide.com for more ideas


• Every evening I soak for an hour in the tub (that really rejuvenates me) and I can read for awhile.


• Once a month it's nice to go to dinner with one of my girlfriends.

DO YOU EVER GET BORED

Honestly hardly ever. If you're home you have certain freedoms. You may not get the lunch breaks etc that you'd get if you were working but you have the freedom to plan your day. If you want to go to the park then go. If you want to stay home then stay home. I actually have a white board up in my home and I plan out our activities. It helps me because I have certain goals every single day. And I'm flexible, if I don't get to something on my little list then who cares, I just move it back another day.

I STRUGGLE WITH TALKING TO KIDS ALL DAY

I don't struggle to much with this actually. I have people I can call if I want to but to be honest with you I only plan on make one or two phone calls a week. I don't particularly like taking time away from the children. I find if I'm on the phone for two hours then I have less time with them and although that happens and I like to keep in touch with people, I don't like making it a habit. So if I was on the phone on Monday, then I don't plan on being on it the next day.

HOW DO YOU FIND TIME TO GET THINGS DONE

Well first of all relax. Some things will get done and others won't and that's ok. I'm almost obsessed with making Sam and the kids comfortable but sometimes things don't get done. I've cleaned one room to move into the next only to hear Nathan emptying his toybox onto the floor of the room I just finished cleaning. I've learned to laugh at these situations and at times I just sit and join in the play.

Also get the kids involved. If you have toddlers then they'd love to "help" you, so let them. You may not get much done but you'll create some wonderful memories.
WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR STRUGGLES/CHALLENGES
Honestly since I've learned to quit letting peoples comments get to me I don't have too many. But I will tell you some of the things I used to deal with.
Hurtful Comments
It used to really hurt to hear people say "you're wasting your life" or "your missing out" or "I just can't do it" (that honestly is the dumbest comment of them all to me. I want to ask people "what can't you do?").
It used to hurt to hear people throw their positions in my face. And it was evident at about 15 months that my son was a late talker so that really opened up the flood gates for criticism and of course he's talking late because he's home with me...and that hurt because he's involved in everything and has always been around people and kids but still people for some reason assume if you're home you sit in this weird little bubble.
How did I deal with it?
Well my husband helped a lot in this area, reassuring me. And I remember too that sometimes hurt people, hurt people. The truth starts to come out if you listen to people. So I really learned not to take all comments to heart.
Also a friend of mine in Nathan's gymboree class who is a SAHM made a comment that just always stood out to me. She's a former engineer and she said about the career, "I've been there, done that, here's my life now" It was so simple and to be honest with you at the time we were just chatting not trying to cheer each other up or anything but that statement struck a cord. How can you miss something you've already done? I've had the career, I know what that's like already. I'm not "missing" anything.
And about my son he was examined by 7 different professionals (we went overboard with it I know) and one thing I asked each one is "is it because he wasn't in daycare or that he was around me too much." Every single one told me that being home with me was the best thing for him. So there ya go.
What about your children or husband not respecting you
Another common fear amongst SAHM. To be honest with you our marriage has flourished since I've been here. Sam LOVES it. As much as I love it he probably loves having me home more. Our lives are calm (well kind of calm, LOL I do have two toddlers so as calm as calm can be).
Was it hard leaving the workforce initially
Yes. Very, very hard. I'd worked hard to get my position and after years of working jobs I didn't like, I finally found a position I loved. Not only that but we were terrified of going to one income. This society is really set on a two income family and it almost seems like the only way to provide is if two people are working and the more stuff you have ties into happiness and if you go to one income you'll live like paupers etc. So that was hard and scary.
Also I worried about the comments. "She's going to do what??????!!!!!!" and the "When are you going back?"
What I didn't worry about surprisingly is if Sam would leave. I know that's a fear of many women but I just feel if that was my fear then I wouldn't have children with him. It's just crazy to me to work "in case of a divorce" and still have kids. If you feel that way I honestly think you shouldn't have children. That way if he leaves at least you're only responsible for yourself don't bring a child into the mix. I'd rather spend that time and energy investing it in my marriage.
I didn't worry about death although I'd be devastated to lose my husband, we already had policies so there wasn't a fear there.
I worried about boredom. What was I going to do. Who was I going to hang around with etc.
How did I deal with this?
It was a culture shock at first. And I did not deal with it good at first. I don't want this post to seem as if I had it all together because I cried many a day in the beginning.
I do remember though a particular hard day I was having with Nathan. He was a colicky baby and this particular day he'd cried three hours straight and I was ready to pull my hair out. Nothing I was doing was consoling him and I was actually supposed to go somewhere but because he was so worked up I had to cancel. He finally fell asleep on our bed and I laid next to him and I'll never forget instead of wanting to get away from him it was the day I remember being most grateful for being with him. As difficult as he was to deal with that day I was happy that I was the one dealing with him and not someone else and it just made it worth it at that moment.
As far as the income is concerned. In the beginning we hit some rough patches. I was used to eating out all the time and buying things on a whim and that had to stop. But to be honest I was just telling Sam yesterday that it seems like we have more. I don't have that minivan yet. But I do have two nice cars that are paid off. I still love our home and my needs and even some of my wants are provided for. I'm actually really content right now.
Boredom. Well I already addressed that, it really doesn't happen and too Sam is blessed to be able to work from home 2 days a week so that breaks up my week a lot having him home.
IN CLOSING: HELPFUL TIPS
Pray. I can't stress that enough. I set up my calendar to alert me every hour to remind me to say a quick prayer. I pray for my children, my husband, for strength and I pray for contentment, I give thanks etc. But pray without ceasing.
Sam got me hooked on Zig Ziglar, who is a Christian motivating speaker and I listen to him and he taught me something valuable. That is always start the day on the right foot and end on the right foot. I always make sure my children are greeted nice and warm in the morning. I never plan anything too early in the day because I don't like to set the day rushing. I like them to wake up slow and to be greeted because the way you start your day sets the tone. I also like to do the same at night.
Respect your husband and actually pray for ways to serve him. LOL I know it sounds old fashioned but some of you who are SAHM - your husband is really good friends with mine and I get to hear how much they love having you home and that's a blessing because all husbands don't support this. Sam looks for ways to make my life easier and it's so evident in the way he treats me and our family that I love to do the same for him. Remember our marriages come first and you and your spouse will be together long after the children leave. I encourage you to do something very nice for your spouse every single day of the week, make a point of it. If you know he needs his lunch packed, then pack it. etc. But show that man respect and watch how much he loves you in return.
Don't get into a battle of words with people. And don't down mothers who work either. You can't enter into anyone else's household just like they can't enter into yours so save your critical tongue and spirit. And learn to forgive those who's words have hurt you.
Rest when you can. I don't advise cleaning when the children are down (I know sometimes that's the only time). I say rest with them. You need to be as well rested as possible and that's so hard with children but if you can steal a few minutes to rest then do so.
Concentrate on making your house a home and enjoy it. Enjoy your children, they're only in your home for a very short season don't let it be marked by complaining or discontentment. You could be having that career you miss, but it's a catch 22 because then you'd be missing some of their growing up. So choose in your mind which one you'll rather focus on and get over the other and enjoy what you're doing!

Seek Ye First...

I've learned the worst sin is the sin no one knows about but you. I'd been dealing with unwholesome thoughts for the longest maybe years. And I'd become comfortable with it until recently. I really began to be convicted of it lately but it'd gone on for so long I really was having a hard time stopping and it became kind of frustrating. I was suddenly hearing all kinds of ministries speaking out against the "sin of the mind" you know the sins that no one knows about but you. However none of these ministries really seemed to provide an answer. Our mind is powerful. We tend to worry, think bad about others etc. and it's so easy to do. But lately I'd become very uncomfortable with my thoughts. It was interrupting my worship, my prayer life and it had been for a long time but suddenly it was just taking more hold of me then I wanted it too.

I'd started praying but that didn't seem to help and my husband is great and would listen but has been dealing with so much himself that I didn't want to worry him about this. It started being laid on my heart really hard that I need to at least confess it to someone, but I didn't want to because at the same token it was kind of embarrassing. Then someone I love and trusted came to mind that I could tell and I immediately sent her an email before I could second guess my decision. It simply said "I have some sin I've been dealing with and want to confess it to you, call me tomorrow when you have time." If anything I figured she'd get a good laugh :-)

So she called and I confessed and she gave me the best Christian counsel and you know it finally felt good to have it out in the open. Like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Something I'd kept inside so long was finally out and I was being held accountable for once.

Of course everything didn't get better right away and I didn't expect it to but it's still been a start. Then just today I was dealing with some of the same issues and I started praying to God and told Him I really don't want to concentrate on this issue anymore and I'm just starting my request and telling Him to please take my mind off of this and I felt Him speak to me.

If you know me, one thing you know is I hardly ever say I felt God speak to me. As a matter of fact I'm extremely leery of people when they say "God told me" all the time. I believe God speaks in different ways, through Godly counsel, through His Word and directly at times but I'm still leery at people who always say "God told me." That's why this just stopped me in my tracks. Anyway I'm pouring my heart out to God, when it hit me "But seek ye first the kingdom of God..."

I'd been asking God for Him to take this issue away from me and secretly been hoping I'd miraculously stop dwelling on the same thing and of course it hasn't happened and I've been just praying that eventually it'd go away and of course it hasn't, isn't it funny how we aways want God to do something for us but not do anything in return? Then that verse just came to me.

God's word is amazing. In seeking Him I came across so many verses that speak to me in my situation 2 Corinthians 10:5 says "5Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ"

I'm not the only one who's dealt with issues like these or had something I was holding onto and God knows that. There's so many instances in the Bible of what I've been going through and God has already provided the answers and a way out yet I haven't been reading or seeking Him and therefore it's been pretty hard. But in seeking His word I've found comfort lately and I'm realizing again why it's so important to know God's word and to study it. Psalm 119:11 says "11Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee"

I don't want to give false hope to people that all issues will go away, they won't. Satan will probably just try harder, but in knowing God's word I'm renewing my mind. I'm thinking on Him. Taking time to marvel in his Word and fall in love with Jesus all over again. And when I start to worry I have verses to go back to. Verses that can speak to that specific situation and provide comfort and that's what I need most right now.

I still love him

You know I've been checking out my husband a lot lately and he's still as sexy as ever and I'm thankful I still have these feelings.


I keep wondering why we have such a rise in divorce and the lines aren't blurred across the church and I'm finding that women are equally promiscuous now a days and it all saddens me. I have many friends and family members who I think would make someone a great husband or wife, yet they haven't found that special someone yet.

I realize that marriage now a days isn't popular. I got married when I was 23 and my husband was 22 (yes I'm older :-) and I always get told that I married young. My mother married when she was 18 (I know I keep hearing the times were different speeches) so I actually considered myself older when I got married.

I've got some friends and family members who chose to shack up first saying they want to get their lives and careers in order first before they get married...fine but why are you living together? Somehow that doesn't make sense to me either.

And I don't mean to sound so harsh because I realize with the rise of divorce a lot of my friends came from single parent homes or homes where the marriages were not quite "together". I on the other hand had a wonderful example of marriage so I can't always relate. My Dad really digs my mother and she really loves my Dad. Their love for each other is something that I never doubted. He thinks she's beautiful and they're the best of friends even to this day. The same was true for both sets of my grandparents and they were all inseparable. Where you see my mom, you see my dad. They really enjoy each others company.

I always wanted that in my relationship. I remember telling my husband when we were dating that I wanted a marriage like my parents. I wanted a man who loved me. Also it was extremely important to me that he enjoy my company because I truly believe in sticking together. A lot of people see this as clingy and call it a negative thing but I disagree.

Whenever I talk to a woman about to get married to a good man I really love to encourage her. Love your husband I tell her and enjoy being a wife. Let him be the head of your household and always give him the highest respect to his face and behind his back (when with girlfriends). And especially let your children see how much you love and respect that man.

I remember hearing a Christian program where a man said that your children should know these three facts about their father. He:

1. Loves the Lord


2. Loves their mother


3. Loves his children

And I also agree they should know them about their mother.

My parents were excellent in having a "united front" as I call it. They never disagreed on an issue involving us in front of us. I remember wanting a particular car when I was 16 and my father told me he wasn't getting it. I remember them talking quietly in their room that same day (our vents were attached but they were talking so quietly I couldn't hear even with my ear pressed up against it :-). When they came out they announced they were getting the car after all (I think my mom played a huge role in that). And I have many childhood examples of such scenarios, sometime it was my mom who's mind needed changing etc. But I do know in front of me they were united. I couldn't ask mom for candy and sneak off and ask my dad if she'd already said no. And it was a good thing.

I know my parents loved each other and took their "til death do us part" vows seriously. And I take them seriously as well and so does my husband.

And as beautiful as marriage is to me I'm still baffled at why so many are falling apart. Is it that spouses aren't taking time to spend quality time with each other? Is it that we're not taking an interest in each others hobbies? Although some hobbies are specific to one person some can be shared right? Are lifestyles too busy? Are we as married Christian couples failing to counsel and encourage other young Christian couples?

This divorcing for "irreconcilable differences" is really starting to piss me off. I would never encourage anyone to stay in an abusive relationship or where infidelity is involved. However if your divorcing just because he leaves the toilet seat up and you like it down then that's where I have issues. I've talked to people who tell me why they're leaving their spouse and maybe they're not always telling me the whole story because it baffles me. I have to wonder; is that all??? Sam and I would've left each other a long time ago for some of the dumb stuff I hear. Just because he puts the Tupperware in the pantry and you like it in the cabinet doesn't equal divorce. Or just because one of you spent the money foolishly on one item (or several) doesn't equal divorce.

I remember talking to a co worker about 4 years ago who was about to get married and I was so happy for her. I told her so and she was almost in tears with me. Mind you I barely knew her but we went to lunch for the first time together and she said that other than her parents who loved the guy her friends kept telling her how all men cheat and how she's too young to get married (she was 27 at the time). Mind you I do believe that sometime counsel is needed when a friend is going to marry someone wrong for them. IE the person isn't saved, or abusive, or lazy, or just wrong for them. Then by all means we should speak up and warn the person and that will stop an inevitable divorce. However, when we're telling people not to get married and have no good reason for it then I question people's motives. Anyway she was really happy that I was so encouraging of it and they're still happily married today.

I'll be honest with you too, I have issues with people writing their own vows instead of keeping the traditional ones. If you ever pay attention to the words in the wedding vows they're so deep:

"I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part"

That promise is so special and deep and it covers so much that I hate to see any of it omitted. And I wish people would really think about what those vows really mean.

Marriage is a wonderful thing when you marry the person God has for you. I married my absolute best friend. When were dating we'd sit on my parent's side porch and talk for hours. Literally. No tv, nothing. LOL and believe it or not there weren't a whole lot of make out sessions going on on that porch. So we really got to know each other very well. I remember being at a ministry meeting and someone made the comment "who really takes time to get to know who they're dating" and out of 4 couples in that room we were the only ones who could honestly say that we did.

I truly pray that our son grows up to mirror his father. I always write in his journal that if he becomes even half of what his father is then he's going to make someone a wonderful husband one day. And I pray that our daughter grows up to find someone who can make her as happy and content as I've been/am. If I were to die today I truly would die a very happy woman and that's because God blessed me with a very wonderful (sexy) man.

Ghetto/Country

Ok I've been getting frustrated with people I consider to be ghetto/country. It's a mindset and frankly some people don't know if they fit into this category so I'm going to clear it up in case you may be wondering. If you do any of the following you're either there or well on your way. If you don't do all of them but recognizie that you've been doing a few of them then there's still time to get back on the right track.

You're ghetto/country if:

1. You have a BBQ grill on the front porch
2. You park your car on the lawn even if you have a driveway
3. There's a living room couch or arm chair (or any "inside" furniture) on your front or back porch
4. You name your child something very common yet change the spelling (ie. "Ami" for "Amy")
5. You wear a XXL white t-shirt yet weigh only 120 lbs.
6. You're paying at the register with food stamps yet all your kids have on Jordans...and your freshly done nails are visible while talking on the cell phone
7. You live in the projects with a brand new Escalade out front
8. You notice other people keep turning around while you're talking out in public (in other words you talk too loud)
9. You say "Girl I know he didn't" a little too often
10. You have more than one car in the driveway that doesn't work (and hasn't for years)
11. In the summer time you tend to do hair on the front porch
12. The kids toys stay in the front lawn
13. Your nails stay done even in the midst of financial crises
14. You use muliple 4 letter words in front of your toddler
15. Smoking in the car with children while the windows are up
16. You have 30 day tags on the back of the car and on the driver side you have a black garbage bag for a window
17. If you have five kids by four different Daddies
18. If you've ever said "My Baby's Daddy"

Now those are just my personal opinions below is a quiz a friend of mine sent awhile ago. If you still have doubts please take the below test:

How ghetto is you?

GET A PENCIL AND PAPER BEFORE YOU START

THIS JUST HOW GHETTO IS U??

1. You've ever used an album cover for a dustpan. (5 points)

2. If you've ever run a race barefoot in the middle of the street. (10points)

3. You had a candy lady in your neighborhood. (5 + 5 extra points if your house was the candy lady)

4. If you ever had to pick your own switch or belt. (3 points for each)

5. If you have ever had to walk to school or walked home from school. (2points)

6. If you have ever used dishwashing liquid for bubble bath. (5 points)

7. If you ever mixed Kool-Aid one glass at a time because you got tired of other people drinking up the Kool-Aid you just made. (5 points)

8. If you have ever played any of the following games: hide and go seek, freeze, tag, Momma may I? or red, light/green light. (2 points each)

9. If your neighborhood had an ice cream man. (2 points + 2 if he rang a bell)

10. If you refer to "Now and Later" candies as "Nighladers". (5 points)

11. If you've ever run from the police on foot. (5 points + 5 if you got away)

12. If you've ever had reusable bacon grease in a container on your stove. (5 points + 15 if you still do it)

13. The batteries in your remote control ever been held in by a piece of tape. (5 points)

14. If you have ever worn any of the following fragrances Brute, Hai Karate, Jean Nate, Old Spice, Chloe, English Leather, Stetson, Charlie, or Faberge. (1 point each)

15. You've ever used Tussy. (5 points)

16. You've never been to the dentist. (15 points)

17. If you have a friend or family member whose nickname is one word said twice: dee-dee, fee-fee, man-man,Kay-Kay, lee-lee, ree-ree, ray-ray, nay-nay, etc.(10 points)

18. You have ever paged yourself for any reason. (3 points)

19. You've ever worn house shoes outside of the house.(2 points)

20. You add "ED" or "T" to the end of words already in the past tense (for example, Tooked, Light-Skinneded, kilt, ruint, etc.) (5 points)

21. You use 'n'em to describe a certain group of people ( for example Craig'n'em or Momma>>'n'em). (5 points)

22. You've ever driven on a donut more than 2 weeks after your flat. (5points)

23. Your child drops his/her pacifier and you sanitize it by sucking it.(10 points)

24. You have ever slept in a chair to avoid messing up your hair. (10 points)

25. You've ever left a social gathering with a plate. (2 points)

26. You can't hold a glass because of the length of your nails. (5 points)

27. The gold teeth in your mouth spell words.(10 points)

28. You don't have your own place but your child has a leather coat and a pair of Jordan 's. (15 points)

29. You constantly hit *69 and ask, "Did you just call here?" (10 points)

30. You think Tupac is still alive. (20 points)

31. If you are going to have to use a calculator to add your points. (25points)

Now the totals...

0 - 50 points - I guess you were raised in the suburbs

51 - 75 points - A bonafide ex-hood rat

76 - 150 points - Spent a little time in the projects

150 points or more - Still there, huh?

Updates and Just a whole bunch of stuff

I know I said I wasn't going to be blogging the rest of this month, but the children are both asleep and I just feel like writing.

This time off has been pretty great though.

PEYTON

Peyton is finally sleeping in her own room, in her own crib. I can't tell you how wonderful that is. I love my daughter more than words can express but a word of advice. Don't let children sleep in the bed with you and your husband. And when I say that I mean don't let them sleep there every night. Those rare occasions (movie night, sick child, scared child) fine. But as an everyday habit I don't recommend it at all. When we have more children this will be one of those areas where I lived and learned. I tried to do different because I thought maybe I moved Nathan out too quickly and I never let him sleep with us at night (I napped with him when Sam was at work) but I didn't let him sleep with us. But letting Peyton sleep with us just had too many drawbacks, so I'm glad she's in her room. She's getting better sleep and so are we.

NEXT MONTH

I know my plan was to blog everyday about black history events, but that was just too big of a goal and I just won't have time. I've already researched and written quite a few things but it'll be more like just two to three facts a week and I'm still looking forward to that.

MY SPIRITUAL WALK

I know why they call the Bible the "Living Word" I decided to read through the Bible this year again and it's been great so far. Even though I read it often and read through it before, I ALWAYS find something there that I didn't notice before. I'm enjoying growing closer to God and just learning everyday. I'm in Exodus now and reading about how the Israelites saved manna even though God told them not to (except for the 6Th day because of the Sabbath being the next day). Their disobedience amazes me. Wow I'm thinking they saw the evidence of God so clearly with all the plagues in Egypt and then the red sea parting in their face! How in the world can they continue to be so dumb.

Then a reality check came. I can't tell you how many times in my life God has shown himself to me. How many situations He rescued me from and I (like the Israelites) continue on the same disobedient track. It just struck me as amazing.

READING

With Peyton sleeping in her room now I have more time to sit up and read, and I've been reading some great books:

THROUGH THE STORM: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World By: Lynne Spears

Ok I'm so not on the Britney Spears kick I was on earlier, that actually came and went but I was surprised to find this book by her mother in the Christian section so out of curiosity I got it. And you know what it was really good. Her mother is a Christian and she was very candid in it about the mistakes she made as a mother and what her family has gone through. She even said that she would've taught her children to have a relationship with Christ because Britney and her older son Brian left the faith and she feels she didn't teach them how to have a relationship with Christ she took them to church etc. but she didn't teach them about spending time alone with the Lord and reading the Bible etc.

And she made fame look like the worst thing in the world (although that wasn't her intent). She was upfront about how she lost control of Britney when she started making more money etc. It was just a really good book and it just showed a mother's heart. Deep down I think her mother really wanted what's best for her children but just made a lot of mistakes a long the way. It was surprisingly good.

The Duggars 20 and Counting: Raising One of America's Largest Families-How they Do It: By: Michelle & Jim Bob Duggar

I can't put this book down. I got it from the library on Friday and already I'm almost done with it. This is such an amazing family, I'd love to meet them actually. Their faith in God is undeniable and inspiring. While I'm not about to go out and have 19 children like them, I really do agree with a lot of what they're saying. They explain why they have a big family and how they manage their family. Also why they dress the way they do etc. And it's such a pleasant book to read. It's full of pictures and recipes and they've incorporated questions and answers.

I read the reviews on it and some people complained about the book saying things like:

"Just because she doesn't want to take birth control doesn't mean everyone shouldn't" and "Well good for them they can homeschool, everyone doesn't have to" You know what amazes me. The book is only telling people what they did. It's in no way shape or form trying to persuade people to live like them at all. They just wrote it because many people are curious about they way they live so they thought they'd tell their story and that's all it is, it's not accusing at all. I just wonder why people feel the need to get so defensive. It's a really great book.

Why Christian Kids Rebel: Trading Heartache for Hope - By: Tim Kimmel

This is another amazing book I got from the library. I can't seem to stop reading it. So many christian children are leaving the faith and this author is shedding insight into why. So many families are doing the "right thing" by taking their children to church and getting involved in ministry and making sure their children grow up in ministry. So why after all this are they still leaving the faith? Which is something that intrigues me.

This is also close to my heart because I mentioned that I really want Nathan and Peyton to love Jesus Christ with their entire being, over anything. So this book has been eye opening to me. It's good to see why some children leave to do preventative measures. The author was a youth minister who saw a lot and he lets you know that a lot of what he's saying is going to step on your toes as parents. He's not just pointing the fingers at our children but at us. And all ready there's some things that I've been doing that may not be beneficial. So it's just another great book that I recommend.

NATHAN

My little man is doing great. We're having a really really rough winter this year and we've already been sick so even though he's involved in stuff he doesn't always get to go because the weather may be bad or again we're sick etc. So we've been spending a ton of time at home. And that can be pretty hard to keep him entertained.

Those of you who know me know that I'm not a huge TV watcher. I do watch occasionally and rent movies but I have a strict rule about the television. I don't allow one in my living area or my children's rooms. Sam and I have one in our room and we recently put one in the basement. I used to let Nathan watch Elmo but was dissatisfied with some of the content and to be honest with you the children's Christian shows are dropping the ball to me. I have to give it to Elmo at least he really talked to the children. I was considering letting him watch it again but just screening it better but found out that Mr. Noodles brother (Mr. Noodle) was an open homosexual that died of AIDS (which is extremely sad). So I decided to just nix Elmo and try to find Christian shows but none of those hold his attention. And I'm not too broken up about it cause I don't like him watching TV that much anyway.

So I was searching for ways to entertain and get him engaged and found a wonderful website with TONS of activity suggestions. It's http://www.savvysource.com/activities/browse_1a_1-2_years_activities and I just love it. I write in two activities on the whiteboard to do with him everyday and so far he loves it and so do I and Peyton joins in and it's been making our days go by faster and he's getting engaged and so is Peyton, so thus far we're not really getting the "winter blues."

HEALTH

I recently decided to start losing weight again. So I've been eating right and decided to work out as well. I rented a really nice hip hop dance workout video and thought it'd be fun to do it with Nathan. BIG MISTAKE. It was fun I guess but I didn't get the work out that I wanted. Nathan thought it was a good idea to make a tunnel out of my legs and he proceeded to go in and out while I was trying to work out (as you can guess that made it impossible to do anything).

Nathan's also very prone to nosebleeds and ended up bumping his nose on my leg and the flow started. So I ended up sitting on the coach watching the video while tending to Nathans nose. In case you're wondering where Peyton was, she was on the floor the entire time trying to figure out what Nathan and I were doing. Not the work out I was expecting, but hey I got to enjoy the time with my children and create yet another memory :-)

SAM

Still sexy as ever! I would include a few pics of him but I don't want any of you to start sinning by "coveting" him :-) See Exodus 20:17

Submit

Another question to open for discussion.

Is submission to our husbands a bad thing?

I put Titus 2:4-5 on my blog and it's getting some response from my readers. (LOL that tickles me too, I have "readers" now.) Anyway not too long ago I was trying to jazz up my blog a little bit. I look at other people's blogs and notice there's stuff all on the sides of them and was just trying to figure out one day how to do that to mine. When I get time to blog I do just that blog, I usually don't spend time trying do much else cause I really don't have much time to blog in the first place and I'm typing quick while I'm doing it. But this particular day I had time and found where I could add a picture or something to that side and I tried adding a pic and didn't like it so I decided to add a verse. I actually really like that verse and study it often and so when I was trying to think of a verse that one came to mind.

Honestly I never expected anyone to even notice it and I forgot about it until I started getting emails and actually a lot of you were insulted by it. Another thing that was odd to me. I know the Bible is the living word and it speaks directly to us but I was shocked so many Christian women actually finds that verse offensive. It's literally not liked.

That verse speaks to me and the main part I like is: "These older women must train the younger women." In a few of my past blogs you may have noticed that when I said I seek counsel from someone they're usually older then me either in age or in experience and even just today Sam and I went to a couple's home to have brunch after church and I got to spend time with a woman that I really love and highly respect. She's like a surrogate Grandmother to our children and I seek relationships with women like her and that's the main part about the verse that I like.

But I started getting emails that threw me. A lot of you were telling me you noticed the verse I had on the site and out of the blue without my asking you started explaining why you had to work outside of the home....That verse wasn't put there as a way to inadvertently tell women something. If I wanted or felt that all women should stay home then I'd blog about it I wouldn't stick a verse on the side of my page to try to insinuate something.

But that wasn't the big part about it though. A lot of women were heated that I put it on because the last part said that we women should be submissive to their husbands. And you were shocked that I added the verse because it looks like I agree with this statement. Well I do.

Wow that just opened up a huge can of worms I bet.

But what's wrong with that statement? If we read Biblically what does submission mean?

I know that in the Bible people like Abraham, Jacob, Solomon to name a few had several wives and concubines. But did that have anything to with what God wanted? I'm told that submit only refers to the culture of that day and doesn't apply today. Say's who? God or us.

God never told anyone to have more than one wife. It was never stated in the Bible to take two wives from God. If I'm wrong please send me the verse and I'll retract what I'm saying. God never once approved of other wives. I know he opened wombs but he never said Abraham sleep what Hagar. Sarah didn't trust God or possibly didn't believe that she would have a child and gave Hagar to Abraham (he didn't object either I noticed)

And let's look at what husband's were called to do:

Ephesians - Chapter 5:25-33
25. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her26. to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,27. and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.28. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.29. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-30. for we are members of his body.31. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”32. This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church.33. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself...

Colossians - Chapter 3:19
19. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Those verses are very deep.

And what were wives supposed to do:

Ephesians 5:
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing.

Too often we find that men and women sin (we're sinful creatures right) and we see men mistreating women (beating them, being harsh etc.) and because we witness this we say that it's because of the word submit. While that's true some men take the term submit to mean those things, that's never what God intended it to mean. So why blame the Bible for a man's ignorance to what the Bible says or say the Bible didn't mean that.

Who's the head of your household? If you don't know then ask your children living there they know.

I knew my father was the head of our home. Yes my parents were equal, but my father's word was law. I knew that if I wanted an extra piece of candy then I was more likely to get it from mom. This said my mother wasn't and still isn't a weak woman, honestly she's always been the strongest woman I know. She's the only person on this earth who can get my father to ever change his mind on anything. So much so that when were growing up as children we knew if we really wanted to persuade my father on something then to go to her because she's the only one who could do it.

Sometimes in homes the roles are reversed, either because the man isn't in the home or because he's in the home but not stepping up as the head of it.

But did God ever call women to be the head of the household? Adam described Eve saying: "This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh!"

They were equal but heir roles were different. Did you ever notice that when Eve ate the fruit nothing happened. Their eyes didn't actually open until Adam ate it, let's look at Genesis 3;6-7"

6 The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too.7 At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.

I always wonder what would have happened if Eve wouldn't have taken the fruit to Adam. Would the fall have happened still. I don't know. If you read further God addressed the man first. God knows and sees all. He knows full well Eve ate the fruit first and he knows full well that she took it to Adam but he still directs his questions at Adam first. Then he said something prophetic that still applies today. Genesis 3:16 says:

16 Then he said to the woman,"I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth.And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.*"

The first part of that verse still applies right? If you think it doesn't then you haven't had children. Why then are we as women throwing out the second as that part being old and doesn't apply anymore.

I'm saying in a Godly Christian marriage it was designed that the man be the head of the household and love his wife and that the woman be his helper, submit to his authority and respect him. Nowadays that sound archaic and it insults many. The weird part is that we as women want men to keep up their end of the bargain. I can't think of a woman out there who doesn't want a man to follow what was written in Ephesians about how he's supposed to love us as women. But then we get angry that we're supposed to follow anything that has to do with submission. Actually what we don't realize in fighting against it is that we're fulfilling that prophecy in Genesis 3:16 - "And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you"

God created something beautiful in the Christian marriage. So beautiful in fact that He references the Christian church as his Bride and he's the Bridegroom.

Would I want my daughter to submit to her husband's authority. My desire is for my daughter to marry a Christian man who loves the Lord over everything else a man who lives out what God called him to do as the head of his household.

Biblically the man my daughter marries should be able to care for her as good as or better than her father did. What else does it mean when a father "gives his daughter away" I know we think that's just symbolic but why does the father do it and not the mother?

Now again I know that Titus 2 says for women to be workers in their homes and this is another spot where women get up in arms. Does this mean that women should work in their homes. Yes it does. You're your husbands helpmate. You're not the provider of the family (not supposed to be although there are circumstances where women have to be). If you're working outside the home there's nothing wrong with that. You're helping your husband provide for the family. Hence the term again "helping." You're helping your household. Even if you make more than your husband I still feel that your "helping" him provide.

The Christian marriage is a beautiful thing and I don't want us as women to try to change what God meant to fit into today's culture. That's like saying God didn't mean for Homosexuals not to marry. You know people actually believe that. It's a whole other topic for a whole other day but it seems that when something ruffles our feathers about God's word and we don't agree we start trying to say what God actually meant.

Some things are cultural yes. But God doesn't always agree with the culture.

I believe that we should teach our sons and daughters what the verses mean and encourage them to marry within their faith. Pray for our children and their future spouses. We all want our children to be loved and respected in their marriages and to have God as the head of their marriage.

She's got Talent

This is a really touchy subject but I want to open it up for discussion.

I get told a lot that I'm wasting my talents by being at home. I get told by friends point blank that they don't stay at home because they don't want to waste their talents. To be honest with all of you, I usually won't approach the topic at all because it's so controversial among women and usually steps on a lot of toes and for awhile I didn't even want to blog about it in this way but since it's in my face all the time and on my mind I decided to write about it anyway.

What does that mean? And I'm not asking that in a smart way at all, I very honestly want some comments on what that means.

I've been home for two years now and I hear it (or some variation) almost every week when I go to church (that's honestly no exaggeration). I get asked constantly (usually by the same people) when I'm going back to work and told not to waste my talent and that they too would stay home but they don't want to waste their talents.

I loved my job and while I worked hard to get it, I always considered it just a job. Yes I'm a college grad, yes I worked in jobs I hated before landing my "dream job" but it was still just a job to me. It was a place to go and make an income. If I have to go back it'd still be that, I never felt it was where my talent layed. Even before children if I'd had the choice I would've been doing something else.

But that's just me, there are many different types of jobs out there (surgeons, concert pianist, etc). So I don't want to say it doesn't take talent to work certain jobs. I worked in a daycare for awhile and I didn't feel that was mindless work either when I was there. I guess I'm hurt when I hear women say this, not because they're implying I don't have talent I'm just hurt if they think this is the only place or way to display talent is by going to a job. Is that the case or am I wrong?

And it's weird to think that if you're at home than you're suddenly talentless.

What is the stereotype of staying at home? Is it a lazy job now? Worthless?

It's up to the individual if they choose to work but why not say you choose to work because you like what you do. There's nothing wrong with that at all. You can work because you're good at what you do to, again nothing wrong with that. But should we apply the word talent to it.

I just looked up the word talent in the dictionary and do you know what it means? :

1.
a special natural ability or aptitude:

Did anyone notice the word natural in there. I went to school for 4 years (actually 5 now that I think about it) to get the training to do what I did for a living. It wasn't my talent. It wasn't natural.

Mozart was a natural at the piano. Beyonce seems to be a natural singer. I'm sure they used training to enhance what they could already do but the talent was already there it was natural.

But then I'll be fair because the second definition of talent does say:

2.

a capacity for achievement or success; ability:

So maybe my job was a talent I don't know. I guess the question I really need answered is am I wasting my talent? Seriously. Or can't I excercise other talents? Don't I have other talents? Don't you?

Do I have to work at a corporation to showcase my talent? Is that the only way for us women to show that we have talents?

I'm really curious about this topic. Not so much whether women should stay home or not that's not the topic. But rather women feeling their wasting something by doing it. That's what I really want to know. And the term "talents" is what I really want to harp on because that term (or some variation of it) is usually used.

Maybe I'm different but even when the kids go to school I'd like to explore other things, if Sam's ok with it and if we can afford it. I'd like to start volunteering my time at our children's home not too far from my house. I won't be getting paid for it but it's something I'd like to invest time in while Nathan and Peyton are in school. Is that wrong since I won't be making an income? A lot of people expect I'll be going back to work when Nathan and Peyton are school age. Actually that's not a goal or desire of mine. Is that wrong? And that's another question. Is the talent in what you do or in what you make?

Do you feel less if you're not bringing in a check? I have to admit it was weird the first Christmas buying Sam something, knowing I wasn't bringing home a check per se. But honestly with all the work I do around here those feelings left pretty quickly.

This isn't directed at the people who have to work to help support their families. JOr even the people who choose to work because they like it. Just at the people (women actually) who feel like they're wasting something if they're not working.

Or is it just a personal thing to the individual. How and why do you feel that way?

And I get these comments point blank to my face a lot. How should I, as a person who chose to stay at home re act? I'm not really sure. Should I be insulted? Or feel less?

I know I'm asking a lot of questions but I just want a lot of feedback. Feel free to email me directly.

What does this look like to you?

Tell me what does this look like to you?

Nathan loves Elmo. Anything Elmo. Sam and I always rent Elmo's world DVD's from the library. The last one we just rented was called "Families, Mail & Bath Time." The fact that the word "Families" was in the title made Sam and I nervous since a certain group of people are fighting hard to redefine families.

Sam and I watched this video with Nathan the first day, we watched hard too, because we suspected something is going to be thrown in. But we were wrong we thought, because we didn't see anything. Still the title made us uncomfortable. So yesterday I watched it again.

If you blink you'll miss it. If you reach down to scratch something you won't see it. But yesterday I didn't have to scratch or reach for anything and I saw it. It appears and disappears so quickly on the screen that I had to pause the DVD really fast to get a good look at it. Then I called Sam in to confirm it.

You can describe me as angry right now. Or better yet down right heated. My son loves this show and I'm sure someone in your family does as well.

But you know what? My son will no longer be watching this show, a decision made by his father and me. Does that seem harsh? Maybe. Unfair? Maybe. But God entrusted us with these two and sometimes our decisions aren't going to be liked.

But he could just watch the "clean" ones. Again Elmo's not welcome at this address any longer. I thought the video I rented from the library was a "clean" one. But again look at the picture above and answer my question.

What does this look like to you?

When Parents are Silent

Lately I've been struggling with a few issues. My issues aren't with children but with parents of children. I expect a toddler/baby to act like one but when the parent fails to help the situation then I have a problem. What am I talking about you ask? Read below. I honestly haven't run into this with anyone who reads my blog which is probably why I'm so free about expressing this. The people I've run into this with I don't really associate with anymore because I couldn't figure out if it's best to confront the person on the issues or let the issues go. Some of you who read this have been parents longer than me. I'd greatly appreciate your comments on if you've dealt with any of the below issues and if so what was/is your response.

CHILDREN WHO ARE DISRESPECTFUL
I can't tell you enough how much this one bothers me. Whether it be a toddler or a young child or preteen. I can't stand a disrespectful child. I truly believe that a child should use titles when talking to an adult, unless that adult says otherwise. I also believe a child should say, "Yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir." And if you don't agree with that then can they at least say "yes" and "no" instead of "yeah," "naw", "huh," "yep."
And what's with the interrupting while adults are talking? Shouldn't they be taught to say "Excuse me?"

CHILDREN WHO HIT AND SNATCH
This is a HUGE deal to me. Hitting or snatching is disrespect and should not be tolerated at all. This one pisses me off in parents. You know why? If you do not teach your child to quit hitting or snatching then guess what - when you bring them over for a play date, they're going to hit and snatch from their peers. I don't know any mother who doesn't get pissed when they see something snatched from their child or their child hit and the other parent just sits and watches or just says "Billy that's not nice." DO SOMETHING! Take the toy from them or make them stop. Or better yet whoop them.

EVERY TIME your child hits or snatches you should discipline. I don't believe there are any exceptions to this rule (except maybe in the case of self defense among that child's peers). If I'm wrong on this then feel free to leave me comments. I'm sick of going places and seeing children getting away with this. If you decide that it's ok for your child to do this then don't get mad if another parent speaks up and reprimands your child because you fail to do so. And that leads me to my next point.

STOP BEING SO SENSITIVE
Don't get so mad if someone else corrects your child. Maybe you didn't see what they were doing. Would you rather they allow your child to stick their hand under that hot water or run into the street? Hopefully the people you choose to hang around have your child's best interest at heart so if they tell your child to get down from something don't be so quick to get mad about it.

RESPECT OTHER PEOPLES HOME
So you think it's ok for Sarah to climb up on your kitchen cabinets. That's your business but please realize that everyone you visit may not feel the same way. So when you take your child to that persons house -DON'T LET THEM CLIMB. You put your host in a very awkward situation here if you do. Especially if you're a sensitive person. If you're not that sensitive and don't mind your host telling your children to get down (and if you teach your children to respect others authority) then it may not be that big of a deal. After all to give people the benefit of the doubt every one's rules are different and you can't be expected to know them right off, but it doesn't hurt to ask if the person minds what their kids are doing. Sometimes the host will say he/she is fine. If you hear the host tell your child to quit doing something at their house could you please back the host up and make your child stop?

I've finally learned to move valuable things out of the way of my toddler but some things like my couch and arm chair and dinner table can't/won't be moved. Nathan has been taught not to climb them and we had to be diligent about it but we won that fight and he doesn't climb them. We'll also do the same thing with Peyton but what gets hard is when people come over and let their children loose. I have to discipline them because you know what? It's not fair to Nathan to allow other children to come in and do what he's not allowed to do. So if you can - look at it from that hosts point of view. Don't expect them to compromise their rules because you don't want to tell your children no.

HE/SHE IS JUST ACTING 1,2, OR 3 YEARS OLD
You know sometimes I can actually agree with this statement. But not when it comes to disrespect. I know 2 year olds hit. Mine tries to do it here and you know what he gets disciplined when he does it, no questions asked. Don't explain away such behavior with age. I'm not going to say Nathan hit me because he's 2. No, he hit me because he's cutting up.
Even if they do something that they don't know better, like run into the street for the first time. They did it because they didn't know better, if you don't teach them otherwise they're going to do again and possibly get hurt.

METHODS OF DISCIPLINE

The counting method
We all know this one, where parents count to three to get the kid to listen. I don't actually have a problem with this method just the way it's used. I hear it all the time when I'm out with Nathan, but I never hear it used to correctly. I honestly believe that if you're going to use this method then the whole purpose should be to discipline the child if they haven't done what you've asked by the time you reach 3. DON'T START COUNTING OVER!!!!!!!!!!

If you're going to keep counting over or if you have to repeat your command after 3 then tell me please, what was your point?

Time out
I'm not against this method at all either. What I'm against is the parent constantly asking the child "Do you want to go to time out?" Asking once maybe, but asking the kid over and over? PUT THEM THERE ALREADY!

Whoopins
I pretty much have the same problem with this as with above. If you're going to do it then do it. If you tell them you're going to whoop them if they touch the hot stove again, then actually do what you said. Whoop them for touching the stove (not beat, whoop - there is a difference).

Reasoning
This method down right angers me. You're the parent. You're the protector. It's not up to you to reason with a 2 year old.

People may argue with me on this one because Nathan and Peyton are still so young. I believe in picking and choosing my battles but I'm not going to "reason" with Nathan. Once I make a stand on something I work with him to follow through on what I said. If I tell him to pick something up and he doesn't do it, then I take his hand and walk him over to get what I said to get. If I tell him to give me something and he doesn't then I take it from him end of discussion.

DON'T CHANGE DIAPERS IN PEOPLE'S KITCHENS

It's unfortunate that I have to write this but I do. I know as mothers we've all probably changed our children in all parts of our homes. But that's OUR homes. When you go to visit, even if that person has children of their own, don't expect them to be understanding of you changing your child anywhere. Do not assume it's ok to just change children on people's couches or living room floors. Ask the host where you can go to change your child and they'll tell you.

Also don't just throw a poopy diaper anywhere. Again ask your host where you can throw it.

Anyway these are a few things that frustrate me. I'm definitely not where I want to be with discipline. I've recently been seeking the counsel of older women (our parents age) because our generation seemed to act so much better than our children's generation. My mother-in-law is actually my favorite one to talk to along the lines of this because I love the way her kids came out (Hey I even married one:-) I also love to talk to my father on this topic. I'm still striving to incorporate rules and relationship. And remember what I said in the beginning - I have no issues with children acting childish I have a problem when parents are silent.

Separate but Equal...

****This topic I'm tackling is kind of controversial but it's been bothering me lately so I'm going to attempt to discuss it tastefully. I respect everyone who reads this blog. Please read this to the end before passing judgement and I welcome any and all comments. You can attach them or email them to me directly.****

Sam and I love going for drives. We actually go pretty often and as a result we know our way around Cleveland pretty well. Actually we know our way better than some of the "natives." But we stumbled up on a new area on Sunday while we were out. It's North Ridgeville and I'm not sure if it's Cuyahoga county or not but anyway we happened up there. And I didn't like it. As a matter of fact I'm getting pretty sick of Cleveland and all of it's suburbs especially since Sam and I have had children. I was reading an article and did you know that in 1997 Cleveland was ranked #4 in the list of the most segregated cities. Am I the only one outraged at this?

I'm sick of going to Bedford Heights, East Cleveland, Warrensville Heights and seeing all black people, just like I'm sick of going to Westlake, Medina, Mentor, and seeing all white. When I talk to black people, well they won't move to the West side and when I talk to white they're usually in an area where black people won't go. And I'm usually talking to Christians when I'm having this conversation.

I live on the West side of Cleveland. When Sam and I were in the process of moving to Cleveland we were really searching for diversity. We failed. It's not diverse here. If anything it's more white than black and I don't mind that aspect of it. There's quite a few Hispanics here as well. And we loved it until we had children. Now I always look at our children wondering "What school will I send them too?" I want it to be a mixed school. Seriously I do. I had friends of different races in school and I loved it. I'd love to go in the basement and see Nathan and Peyton playing with black, white, Hispanic, Indian, Arab whatever. However the schools here aren't diverse and Sam and I refuse to send our children to a school that's not. Contrary to what people tell me about "good" schools, I don't consider it "good" at all if only one race goes there (and that doesn't matter if that race is black or white). As a matter of fact I consider it one of the worst and so I live around some of the "worst" schools there are and my son or daughter won't be going to them, I'm going to home school before I do that. I'm proud of the Little Rock nine (and if you're reading this and don't know about the Little Rock nine...) but as a mother I couldn't have been the one to allow my children to do that. I'm glad God picked people in our history that did that but if I choose to put myself in the situation that's one thing but I couldn't have done it with Nathan and Peyton.

There is a Christian school not to far from us and we looked into that as an option. But have anyone noticed that churches are Extremely segregated? And I'm guilty in this area as well. We visited the church a few years ago and we made two mistakes. First we were about 10 minutes late. Second we entered in the front of the church where everyone could see us. It was Wednesday night Bible study and Sam and I decided to go knowing that we'd probably be the only blacks in there. You see I can get the word of God from any race. I listen to Moody radio and as long as the Pastor is teaching and it's Biblical then I don't care what race it is. But anyway so we get to the church a little late and there's about a 1000 people (no joke) at Bible Study...and all of them decided to "welcome" Sam and Me. It was the most awkward experience ever. I know we probably would've been insulted if no one spoke but before you criticize let me explain where I'm coming from.

I actually consider myself an introvert. That'll surprise a lot of you, but I am. If I don't know you, work with you, or if I'm not properly introduced I usually keep to myself. I'll smile or wave but I probably won't start a conversation cause it's out of my comfort zone. So to have a huge number of people constantly singling you out to "welcome" you in one setting (and that setting isn't a party for you or your wedding) was very uncomfortable. I'm sure Sam and I weren't the only visitors but we were the only black ones so we stuck out like a sore thumb and I think the people meant well but it actually made us want to leave. After the first group of people greeted us we had to quit making eye contact because we just didn't want to be approached anymore (that method didn't help - they kept coming in numbers). I think they really wanted us to feel welcome but it kind of backfired a little. I don't know what they could've done different and I'm not mad at them for it because they were doing what we as Christians are supposed to do but it was just very very awkward for Sam and me and just uncomfortable. I didn't feel that they were welcoming us as visitors because I didn't see any of the other visitor being "welcomed" the way we were, I think we were being welcomed because we as African Americans visited the church and that made it awkward.

Needless to say I did go back to the church on my own. Sam was out of town one Sunday and I decided to visit again and again I was welcomed in the same way. I even got to meet the first lady and the Pastor of the church and they came and visited Sam and me at home that week. That was a really nice memory that we have. I couldn't believe that they took the time out of their busy schedule to come and see us...of course I haven't heard from them since and that's been about 4 years ago.

I would love to find a mixed church just like I'd love to find a mixed neighborhood but Sam and I realize that it's not going to happen in Cleveland, OH and we plan on moving out ASAP. I'm sick of having this conversation with people. It's actually a very hard one to have. When I used to work I remember talking to one of my co workers and he was telling me how terrified he is to drive through East Cleveland. So I was really insulted by this. I know the crime is high there but here I am an African American and he's Italian and to me it just sounds like "I'm afraid to drive through that all black neighborhood" So I casually said "I'm afraid to drive through Parma" and he looked stunned and asked why? And I told him for the same reason he's afraid to drive through East Cleveland - no one in that neighborhood looks like me. And then he truly realized what he was saying and apologized for it. But he didn't know why I would be afraid of something like that. He may see that area as no crime but I see it as an area I wouldn't want to break down in.

Case in point, when Nathan was only about 7 months old, we were leaving a Dollar General store in the plaza and as I'm loading things into the car a man in a pick up truck sitting nearby yelled at Nathan and me "Stupid Nigger."

Honestly I had to stop typing for a second cause the emotion I felt from that day just came back. I wasn't so mad about him calling me that as I was that my son was in my arms and he called him that. If I'd had a gun that day, I probably would've shot him. That's how angry I was at that moment. I was thankful that Sam wasn't with me because I have no clue what he would've done. I put Nathan in the car and I have a coupe. Remember when Britney Spears drove with her children in her lap saying she feared for their safety and we all talked about her. Well honestly I almost put Nathan in my lap to drive away. I have to lean in the back to put him in his carseat (he wasn't in his carrier, I'd left that in the car) so out of fear for his safety mainly I almost drove a little distance just to get him to where I felt he was safe enough to put him in his seat. But I prayed for God's protection and I got in the backseat with Nathan and locked the door and strapped him in and then got out and drove away and I haven't been back to that Dollar General since. I remember the drive home and yes I cried about it and was still crying when I got home to Sam. It was only supposed to be a quick run to grab something really quick. I don't know how my ancestors dealt with that day in and day out. I know some of my people use that word but I don't. I hate it no matter who says it and I won't even buy music that promotes that crap.

So it sucks because I can't find a neighborhood here that we like. I want Nathan and Peyton to be able to relate to all people. Have you ever run into anyone who grew up in a neighborhood that's all one color and went to a college that's all one color? I have and it doesn't matter if they're black or white - they're at a disadvantage in my book. I had a friend that I worked with at Key who grew up in East Cleveland and then went away to an all black college. Well the department she worked for was all white and she didn't fit in at all and she knew it. I had many a lunch date with her and she'd be in tears telling me what she's going through. And you know what? I blame her. I'm sure it was nice to go to the historically black college but at some point in life you're going to have to learn to deal with other races and if she would've sought that out earlier, then it wouldn't have been such a "culture shock" to her. And news flash if we can't get along down here how can we get along in Heaven?

Sam worked with a guy that I truly admired. He was our parents age and he said that he grew up in Mentor and when he went to college it was the first time that he ever had to deal with black people and it was a culture shock to him. He said all through grade school and high school it was always white then he went to a diverse college and he just couldn't relate. This man made great money and could've moved to Westlake, Strongsville or whatever but he told us that he chose South Euclid because he wanted his children to be around other nationalities and be able to relate to all people.

Do you know that the Bible never said anything about other races dating? The Bible said not to be unequally yoked, meaning don't marry a non Christian. Sam and I had a long discussion and we decided early on that we have two requirements for Nathan and Peyton: 1. Whoever they date/marry must be born the opposite sex then them (in this day in age unfortunately you have to specify that) and 2. They must be a Christian (some of you are wondering why I specify that second but hey a lot of transgendered people are claiming to be Christians so I feel we have to get the other out of the way first). Color doesn't matter to Sam or me. Now I don't want to hear them downing their race and using that as an excuse to date someone else. As African Americans ourselves I won't have that but if they want to date outside their race, I'm fine with it as long as the above two requirements are met.

But I don't know where life is going to take us. Hopefully away from Cleveland and its suburbs and we're always on the quest to find diversity. Sam and I have exhausted the Cleveland suburbs and we're not satisfied. There's Shaker but to me in shaker the blacks live on their side of Shaker and the whites live on their side of Shaker and the taxes there are ridiculous so that's out. And I want more for our children. Please be careful in commenting on suggestions as to where we should move. When I used to work people would say "Hey how about North Royalton, I have a black family on my street" One or two black families in a neighborhood doesn't make it diverse! Just like one or two white families in a neighborhood doesn't do that either. So watch and think about your suggestions. I'm trying to teach them to love Christ but how can I do that if I don't teach them to love their fellow man? I know they're going to run into prejudice just like I did that day (and many times before, yes I've been followed in stores and my husband has been pulled over COUNTLESS times by the police for no reason) and we'll have to equip them with the knowledge on how to deal with that. But God told us to love people:

1 John 4:20 - 20If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.

And how can I teach our children to love people that they never get to see...Think about it.