Planning ahead

So the hubby calls from work today to tell me something interesting. He was in charge of planning his departments offsite this year (he did a FANTASTIC job by the way:-) and he had someone from the FBI come and speak. Depending on the job you take with the FBI, there'd be a TON of traveling involved. So much so that it may be hard to have a family. My hubby said he was talking to the guy and asked if it was hard to balance family and work and he answered "Actually my wife stays home full time and my children are home schooled so they can come with me." Sam knew I'd find that interesting.

Lately I've had a few conversations with women who are questioning what it's like to be home full time (to be honest I get asked this A LOT). Now mind you, I'm not the type to state to someone, "you should stay home." Not because I don't think this is the correct way. I'm definitely more for women staying at home then working outside of the home, but when talking to women, I do believe I should be sensitive and it's not so easy to just tell someone what they should do. I don't know their household needs and in some situations it would be hard for people to live off of one income and I understand that. But what I do tell them is to plan ahead for the future.

When talking to a girlfriend recently she was asking me some of the benefits of being at home and I told her I find it nice to be available. That I can truly concentrate on Sam and the children without worrying about work. When Sam got sent on a business trip we were able to go. When Peyton ended up in the hospital I was able to stay with her. No questions asked. I had choices and it was times like these that I really appreciated the flexibility.

So for those of you who aren't married yet or don't have children. Think ahead and start planning now. For those who don't know me well and haven't read my blog before, I was a total career woman in the past. I believed that children should be in daycare and I was going to have my career and in my head I didn't see anything wrong with it. Then I got pregnant and throughout the entire pregnancy I struggled. I made decent money so I spent a lot of time researching the best daycares I could find. We were against home daycares, so I didn't even look there but even the best daycares didn't cut it for me and I struggled with my decision.

Sam and I took that trip back down memory lane today and we both don't remember when we said definitely that we're not going to put Nathan in one. I don't remember what month of pregnancy I was in at the time when we made that choice but I do remember feeling a small sense of relief. Then after Nathan was born I remember when he hit the 6 week mark and I told Sam today that even if I hadn't made the decision before, I definitely would've made it then and not handed him over.

I'm not saying this to say that everyone is going to feel this way when they get to this point. But I want you to know that in the years leading up to Nathan's birth we didn't put a lot of thought and emphasis into our future children other than the fact that we knew we wanted them someday. I used to flirt with the idea of wanting to be home, but I didn't have any reason I felt to pursue this at the time and so Sam and I didn't, and truly I didn't understand how hard of a decision it would be to make. There's so much to take into consideration:
1. Can we afford to do this?
2. Do I really want to give up my career?
3. Is he better off in a daycare around tons of other kids instead of at home with just me?
4. How will I feel leaving him? Can I actually drop him off with virtual strangers?
5. Will I get bored? What will I do at home all day?
6. How's my husband going to handle this situation in the long run?
7. What's the turn over rate in daycare and the screening process?
8. What's it going to be like not getting a paycheck of my own?
9. Even if we can afford to live on one income, do I want to cut back just to stay home?
And I could go on and on with more questions I had. I'm just giving you a few to let you know it's not a decision to take lightly.

So am I implying that you should stay home when you have children. No. I'm actually saying do your planning so you have options. Before you marry see where your future husband stands on this issue. Set up your household so that if you have that baby and change your mind then you can be there with him or her. And if you decide to keep working then have that planned out as well. Where is your child going to stay while you work? Is your job family friendly etc. It's a little something I wish I knew before Sam and I had children. No matter what you say you never know how you're going to feel when you get pregnant. Then you may feel differently again after you actually have your child and look at them. Just be prepared and position yourself so that you have several options instead of just one. Even though Sam and I did it and in the end it's going really well, I believe it would have been a lot better if we'd planned it out. It still would have been a transition but I don't believe it would've had as many bumps in the beginning if we'd set ourselves up differently.