My husband and I got into an interesting conversation today. We were talking about the age old struggle (one of the age old struggles I'd imagine there's many others to choose from) of why women struggle so much with choosing to stay home vs. working a job.
I think I said this before that when first walking away from work it was a huge struggle. I really felt like I was giving up something I'd worked so hard for just to stay home and possibly be bored with a baby. And when I first went home I felt that it'd really only be until my children entered school. But since decided that unless the hubby wants me to work I'd like for this arrangement to be permanent. But my husband and I were talking and I told him that a lot of SAHM's still struggle with missing work and he was wondering why. After all he said if he was able to leave his job and stay home he'd be fine with it. (Keep in mind that my hubby runs a website so if he were to come home he'd be doing that full time which is what he really wants anyhow, me too I might add). But if we didn't need the income that his work provides then he'd have no problem leaving and to be honest with you I totally believe him. So why, he's wondering do some women struggle with this feeling as if they're missing something when home instead of at work. Why such discontentment among SAHM's? And I know quite a few SAHM's now and I'm not saying they're not all content but I truly only know one other who would want to make staying at home permanent after the kids are in school. The rest do really like being at home but at the same time can't wait to go back to work.
I guess I have a different mindset. I think I said in an earlier post that I don't care what my children become as long as their profession honors Christ. And not to contradict that earlier post but of course I'm going to encourage them in different areas. However I don't share the same attachment to work that some women have for several reasons:
- Due to this rough economy I was let go from two positions. It was so hard walking into work to find out I only have a week left due to cut backs. Especially after getting rave reviews the week before.
- I didn't major in a field that I really cared for. I was after money doing something I liked wouldn't have earned as much as the field I chose, so I chose money over what I liked. I did end up in a position I loved in the end but I worked a lot of jobs I hated to get there.
- And this is the biggest and the one I'm going to really focus on. A lot of money is relative to whoever you're talking to.
Call me shallow but I like things big and expensive and never wanted to be middle class. I'm thrifty out of necessity not out of desire. I want to live in a gated community with a 10,000+ square ft home (and someone else to clean it) with the vehicle of my choosing. To some that's unbiblical to state you want to be rich but I don't care. It's not a life long goal or an obsession of mine by any means but I'll be real I want more money. I'm content with where I am right now but I still believe on improving and if we're going to get to that upper 6 and 7 digits we're not going to do it pushing any one's time clock. Someone once said Job stands for Just Over Broke and I echo that sentiment. Some may argue that if I were to go back to work I may have some of these things. If you think that, you still don't understand my mindset. I want those things and I want to pay cash for them. No financing etc. I want the 10,000+ sq ft home and I want it paid in full...I told you I don't think like most people and neither does Sam. I will not have that going back to being a project manager. And moving up in the system to get to this position I'm talking about will take FOREVER. Will I ever have this being at home? With our website I honestly believe we will one day (Sam's work is beyond amazing). With working a job, we won't.
Am I in to prosperity preaching? No I'm not. I don't believe in teaching God wants you to be rich etc. as the Joel Olsteens of the world do. I do believe in doing the best you can with the talents that God has given you. I don't believe that verse says it's wrong for people to be rich I just believe it's saying it's wrong for people to love money more than they love Christ and that's what I believe and what I'll tell my children. But that doesn't' mean they have to stay broke either. They just have to put everything in the right prospective. It's a goal we have, we don't walk around the house verbalizing it all the time, we both know the goal and end result and the amount of work it'll take to get there and other then this post it never comes up in conversation with anyone outside our home. In the meantime we just stay busy working towards it.
It was very soon after graduation and landing our first jobs that Sam and I realized that working in this field (and in most other fields) we're not going to make as much as we'd like to make. I don't consider 60 and 70 thousand a lot of money. That's just me. Other's don't have to agree but I really want financial freedom and most careers or jobs don't do that. I don't care if you're senior manager, you're still counting dollars.
In saying that I was never content in any job I was working anyhow. As much as I loved it I wanted to make more. You work like a dog. You get told how great you're doing and if the company needs to cut you then they cut you regardless. If you want to take a vacation you have to get someone to cover your projects for you or your shift depending on how your job works and you have a set amount of vacation days each year. I've worked some jobs where you have to accrue vacation days which was really hard 5.25 vacation days every two weeks - do you have any idea how long that'll take to accrue 40 hours!!! I still at that time didn't think I'd be home but I knew I wasn't huge on the working hard thing for a salary I deemed too low. And when raise time came around, guess what you get? 5% (sometimes a little higher but still not high enough in my opinion).
So let me back up a bit, when talking with the hubby I told him I was asked how we'd handle Peyton. After all doesn't she need to see Mommy working outside the home too? She may not get married, or she may marry a man who wants a dual income. So what values or ideas do we instill in her?
For us that's simple. Own whatever you do. It'll be the same for Nathan. If you want to be a doctor then that's fine but own your own practice. Build it up so high that one day you don't have to take patients but can hire other doctors to work under you and your name and you can take vacations. My goal for her would be to run some sort of business she can do remotely something on the internet or anything where she's not tied to some sort of store front. So she can travel etc when she wants. Is what we're telling her a pipe dream? No but it's very hard work. Is it risky? Of course. So is working for a company. (Did I mention I've been let go twice before). My husband and I started late. Our children can start early. I'm so interested in learning their interests to help them develop it into a ministry for Christ and a profit. But that's what we'll tell them. Go to school of course, but choose the best school you can. Be better then mom and dad. We live and learn. I don't go back in the past a lot on this and honestly don't take this post the wrong way I have not regrets. Had I thought of this in about 1995 or so I'd have a successful business of some sort and still be home doing it. It's all about choices and this is the life I chose and right now I'm extremely happy but for Peyton I'd say choose different. If she wants to work for a company one day, than that's her choice but I want to let her know she has options and I don't want her to be afraid to try something different then the "norm".
Also if I were to go back to work I wouldn't achieve much else. I'd finally get that minivan but up above I said I think big right? I want the limited edition, brand new, with navigation and leather, AWD etc. I'd still be looking at monthly payments working or not to determine if I could afford that one or not along with the best childcare I can find so I just don't see the benefit in doing it. I'd honestly rather stay home and see what skills I can use to make a profit on my own. There's tons of people making money off of blogging, I've never bothered researching how, but who knows maybe I could look into that. I know how to bake pretty good if I do say so myself. I really need to work on my presentation but the flavor is amazing :-) Who knows maybe I could turn that into a profit. It's something I'd explore before going back into the workforce. There's many ways to make money other then going to work for someone else. As a matter of fact with the economy being as bad as it is, it's becoming known as the best time to go into business for yourself. And it's also important to note that while a lot of people were impacted by the bad economy, a lot of other people weren't, I really wish the news would focus on those people a little more.
I'm not saying every one should be this way. We were at a picnic with one Sam's friends who said that he knows he'll never make big money working but he honestly feels more comfortable working for someone else then he would trying to make it work for himself. And you know what? That's ok too. I have an aunt who has a very small nice home and loves it. She tells me all the time: "Why would anyone want a house that big?" She truly wouldn't want it. And that's fine too. It's a preference.
I guess to answer the hubby's question. Everyone is different. Some people are happy working. It's great fulfillment to go into work and do something they worked to do in college. And we should respect that. And for some they know our children will only be with us for 18 years or so God willing and they want to still have their careers after the children are gone. And the truth is some people just don't want to do it. I've heard the "we can't afford to live on one income" thing to. Actually in some situations that's true but in others it may not be. When I left work, our bills far outweighed what was coming in. We made drastic changes in how we lived. We started cooking more than eating out, started shopping on Craigslist etc and we actually ended up paying off more bills on one income then we ever did on two. We don't talk about it a lot but if there was ever a time that we "stepped out on faith" that was it. You can come up with all the age old excuses that you want but at times it boils down to some women like working outside of the home and don't like staying at home and again that's that persons business.
I think that's why I love being home so much. The rewards for what I do are endless. I don't get compensation in the form of money but rather in the form of hugs. Does it get boring sometimes? I hardly get bored but I'd be a liar if I said it doesn't get boring at times. But I got bored with working too, even more bored actually. As much as I liked the people I was around going to the same cube got pretty monotonous. Just today I was in the other room and saw my two year old in the kitchen spill a little water on the counter as he was playing, he didn't know I was watching him but I saw him go and get a washcloth and take his time washing it up. He was so serious and concentrating so very hard and he did a really great job too. I watched him finish. Put the the washcloth away and pick up playing where he left off. I don't think he ever noticed me watching. I've got to witness my one year old learn what an airplane is. I love watching that finger in the air as she screams airplane. We live close to the airport so airplanes fly over all the time and that little finger goes straight in the air when she hears one screaming "airpune" LOL of course everything is "airpune" now. She's also very huggy and at time throughout the day she just crawls over and gets hugs. I have so many memories. Nathan just accidentally clunked a kid on the head at the park the other day (I know, aren't I the one always griping about bad children :0) and I took him over to apologize and he's been learning sign language and at that moment I realized he didn't know the sign language for "I'm sorry" and so we had to improvise. So many wonderful memories, that just go on and on, day after day after day... And I share these with Sam throughout the day as he's at work, and I guess he questions even more why anyone would dream of missing this if they had the chance to stay home and witness it. I was working on teaching my son how to count and I was teaching him on his fingers and he wasn't paying any attention to me and I was getting a little frustrated thinking he wasn't getting it so for the time being we moved on to something else. The next week I went into his room in the morning and he had his hands up, fingers spread, counting...he'd gotten it, what a wonderful memory. I get to discipline with patience (well sometimes at least that's my goal, LOL) and love. I was putting on my shirt to leave today and Peyton saw me putting over my head and she lifte her little shirt really high showing off her toddler belly. Her and Nathan have this silly laugh that they do back in forth that I love hearing when they're in the other room playing. Memories. So many memories.
So I guess I explained how I feel about work but don't let that discourage you. Everyone is different that's just my perspective. If you still decide that you want to go back to work one day, then that's fine. But while you're home try to let the feelings of discontentment go.
I chose a different path and a career that didn't do what I thought it would for me. Staying home was a culture shock and more fulfilling then punching a time clock. You know those mastercard commercials (or is it Visa) that says stuff like: "Buying a latte, 3.99, meeting a friend for lunch, priceless" For me it's: "Working outside the home, $50,000 a year. Staying home with Nathan and Peyton, priceless."
No comments:
Post a Comment