I wanted everything to be perfect...

Thanksgiving is over and it was so wonderful. We hosted it at our home for the first time. I was really excited about starting this tradition.

To say Sam and I worked hard is an understatement. I wanted everything to be perfect. I said before I've been really into starting family traditions since having our children. Thankfully Sam's been beyond supportive of my ideals and as I laid out my 'demands' he had no complaints about meeting them. I really wanted every dish cooked in our home. I wasn't going to stop anyone from bringing anything if they really wanted but it really wasn't a requirement of mine. Well I should rephrase that because I don't do turkey's. I've never cooked one and have no desire to try or learn. I'm not a fan of turkey and would prefer something else lol so I let my mother still be in charge of that part. But the menu was as follows:
Turkey
Dressing (my Dad is a specialist in that area)
I cooked, sweet potato soufflé, mac n cheese, fried corn and baked a pistachio cake for us and a butterscotch one for my neighbor
Sam made green beans and baked beans
My oldest brother made collard greens while my other brother smoked a turkey and brought bar b q wings.
We had a honeybaked ham and soul rolls (compliments of a chef friend of ours, the soul rolls are packed with corn, chicken, collard greens, turnip greens, musturd greans and a special sauce and fried to perfection) along with dinner rolls and my mothers homemade cranberry sauce.

People also brought desserts etc. I borrowed a burner from my neighbor a little known fact about me is that I'm anal about my food being cold! If I do cook I like it timed up so everything is warm, so having the burners was a big deal to me. I was going to buy some but found out our neighbor had them and borrowed hers.

But enough about food, on to the day! It was amazing! So much to be thankful for, too much to name. Sam and I make a great team and had a blast planning it, but two things happened that was really nice:

First awhile ago I took my mother over my neighbors house and while there my mother noticed one of her purses and complimented it (my neighbor has a TON of very nice expensive ones). Today my neighbor came over with a bag and in it was the same purse my mom complimented. This is a thing to remember because it was new and worth $500. So it wasn't a junk purse. I don't know brands but my mom does and was blown away by the gesture.

Second we shared this holiday with my 85 year old grandmother whom I love dearly. I was so busy serving people that I didn't get to talk to her much at dinner so I called her that night. She told me how much she loved coming over our home and like seeing Sam and I together and how seeing us working together brought back memories of how her favorite aunt and uncle worked together and how she loved going over there too. She also told me how thankful she is that God is keeping her alive to see Nathan and Peyton. She can't drive far anymore but said if she could she'd come see us all the time and I know she means it.

These are memories and I'm all about creating as many as possible!

Thank you Lord for my husband and children. Thank you in this horrible economy you're providing not only our needs but some wants as well (and on one income). Thank you for this day that we shared with wonderful friends and family. Thank you so much for all of the people in our lives. May we never become arrogant or spoiled but forever remain thankful!
-- Post From My iPhone

Traditions

I'm so looking forward to the holidays this year! Thanksgiving will be at our home this year and I'm so excited about it. In past years Sam and I had to bounce to about 5 homes and usually we missed someone or an Uncle called the next day insulted that we didn't stop by and after having children it became increasingly harder to manage going to more than one house. Now in the last three years I became really strict on Christmas. I said to my husband that on Christmas we will be home. Period. As many people can come over as can fit, the more the merrier but it will be at home, this year I've set the same rule on Thanksgiving.

My mother always had the best holiday traditions and I'm so excited to be able to mimic hers and create some of my own. Both of my parents agreed readily to me taking over and have given in to me calling the shots. I actually think they like the idea. I remember going to Thanksgiving dinner at my grandparents and then it switching to my parents house and now ours. It's amazing to see how life progresses and changes. My mother always cooked everything and now I'm excited about doing everything (except the turkey...I don't do turkeys lol she can still handle that).

I've been enjoying so much organizing and planning this. The menu I put together is amazing (yes I'm bragging). Even though I don't do it often, I'm beginning to love entertaining and love being a host. I hope to bring our children many fond memories this holiday season and in years to come.
-- Post From My iPhone

Just stress

What do you do when life stresses you and you pray and pray but God seems silent? And you really want to tell someone what you're stressed about but you really have no one to tell? And it's sad to feel you have no one to tell especially since you have a ton of friends. I know what the scriptures say and I've literally been telling God everything lately. Just talking to him more and more (along with my hubby of course:-)

What happens when you need a getaway, yet there's no one around to help? What happens when you remain silent and your frustrations continue to mount one after another almost to the point that you're ready to snap at anyone outside of your immediate family. What happens when you don't have a support system? What happens when you know full well you're not supposed to harbor things and let your heart grow bitter, yet you feel yourself going in that direction anyhow? What happens when you want to start voicing what's truly on your mind even at the expense of losing relationships or hurting people, because you just can't be silent anymore? What happens when some well meaning people try to offer encouragement but all you want to do is tell them to get lost? What happens when your best isn't better? Just writing because I have a lot on my mind. I truly want no comments or emails on this post. It just felt good to write since I wasn't sleep anyhow.

-- Post From My iPhone

Nannies

I was at my son's gymboree class last week and had an interesting conversation with a Nanny. Now being a stay at home mom, I meet a ton of different people as I'm out with my children. I have Nathan and Peyton involved in several things and coming across a child and his/her nanny isn't uncommon though to me it still strikes me as weird.

A nanny is a lot more than a baby sitter and when I'm out I do run into children and their babysitters as well, they're pretty easy to spot. A child and a nanny isn't (unless of course the nationalities are different). But they're very hard to spot because most times you'd just assume the child was with their mommy.

And I must admit I'm extremely jealous of some of these Nannies. I had a long conversation with one named Lindsey last Thursday. Ironically she was from my husband's hometown and though she was 4 years younger than me and had no children of her own, she had a ton of experience and gave me the best advice on potty training I'd ever gotten. Seriously no mother has ever given me methods such as hers. She's potty trained three and she attended Alexandria School in Solon, OH. She's already been a nanny to twins in Canada, as well as the family she's currently with now. The perks of her job are phenomenal. Not only is her salary higher than I'd guess most people's are, but it also comes with room and board and a car. When she becomes a mother to her own children, I can just imagine the experience she's going to bring to the table.

But the thing that saddened me and I point blank asked her is "aren't you technically raising the children yourself?" The answer obviously is yes. Right now she's a nanny to a family of two attourney's. It's obvious the little girls parents are very successful, though I see they're missing so much they can't get back to chase something for a child who could care less... Am I saying one of the parents should stay home? Not necessarily, but I am saying they should have a little more time for their child. When it gets to the point that the nanny is attending classes, and baseball games, and spelling bees instead of of mommy or daddy, then I think some priorities need adjusting. I do remember when I used to work I met with one of the executives, named Tom and he gave my team the best bit of advice ever. You can get your job back but not time with your family. Tom had a strict rule, no anything after 4:00 - meetings, phone calls, etc. After 4 he went home and this particular day he had to be at a ball game for his niece so he wasn't about to let the meeting run over. And he reported directly to the CEO and had an office overlooking the browns stadium yet he always said it didn't compare to family.

You see some people have this concept down. Yet others and I'm sad to say, especially women struggle in this area horribly. If someone else is literally raising your child in this way, then I think maybe priorities should be question. Not all but some nannies are paid so well that it's obviously a very important job. Most nanny position require the nanny to enter into a 1 to 2 year contract so that the child has some normalcy. Nannies are required to work at least 16 to 18 hours a day and do some of the house hold cleaning. They're also responsible for teaching the child manners, and basic things about life etc.

I think women need to check themselves. Nannies no matter how fantastic can't replace the love of a mother and father. Quit letting someone else enjoy our children.

I read an interesting quote in a community on circle of moms:

"while I was in college I was a summer Nanny for families in Chicago and I saw how much my little charges missed they're Moms and Dads who sometimes only spent a few hours a week with them. Yes some of these kids got everything they wanted financially and they weren't starving for food but some were starving for Mommy and Daddy's attention and Love. because lets face it no matter how much I gave them I wasn't there Mom."

Interesting Part 2

"In school and on TV, every message I get is what I am doing as a mother or wife is wrong," said Vilar. "I should be thinking about a profession and not mothering. Everyone is having babies, and yet they don't want to care for them." taken from Abortion Addict Confesses 15 in 16 Years


So I posted an article the last time titled "Abortion Addict Confesses 15 in 16 Years" and promised a commentary, well here it is.

First my heart really goes out to this woman and women like her. Hear me out. I'm against abortion. I hate it to my core. I've seen the affects abortions have had on people I love. Unless having the baby jeopordizes the health of the mother (for example a tubular pregnancy in which case neither mom or baby would survive) then I'm against it. I'm also outraged when I hear people speak on abortion topics like they have some sort of authority when they really haven't researched it. The title of the artcle may have shocked some people but sadly the fact is most abortions performed are repeats. And most women who have abortions are over 30 married and professional women who don't want a kid or at least another one. Most people like to argue rape and young teen mothers who aren't ready etc. However those scenarios aren't as common in the abortion world as we may think. It's mostly just a method used as a form of birth control.

Now it's sad that this woman has to go into hiding to tell her story which I'm interested to read. I'm not sure from the article if she regrets these abortions or not and would love to know that. Though I'm against abortion I feel we should be careful when dealing with women who've had them. Some may not feel regret but for those who do I'd imagine the pain would be great. And even though I hate their choice I do believe they should be told about restoration in Jesus.

Now some may or may not agree with this next statement but I mostly blame society for huge rise in abortions. It's not popular to be a mom nowadays. Sure it's ok to have them but it's not ok to stay home and raise them. We're teaching women to be afraid of losing everything except the precious time they have with their families. Now we have women who work 50 - 60 hour weeks, and don't have family or close enough friends around to help them out or most of their friends are in their same position and can't offer relief. So they're overworked at their jobs, tired when they get home but still have to find time to care for their families.

Our nation is in horrible debt and it's not just Bush's fault. We as a people have the responsibility to be better spenders. Goodness even Michael Jackson, as rich as he was, lived above his means. And we tell ourselves that now both spouses have to work like dogs to be able to afford to have nice things (which isn't always true). We believe that bigger houses are going to make our kids happier etc. When in all actuality that'll make us happier (myself included) but they could care less. We want moms to wear many hats and still have energy left over for mothering. So given all this, why wouldn't a person think about aborting? Who could possibly have the energy to do all of this and to be honest with you who would want to.

I remember vividly being pregnant, looking at a promotion at work, trying to figure out how me and Sam are going to juggle me working 50+ hours with a new baby coming. Women are told you can have it all. I think women need to be brought up learning there are seasons for everything and you know what, that's ok. It's ok to take time off to just focus on childbearing and raising. It's ok to do that and not feel like they're missing something or losing out or wasting something. It's a beautiful season that's going to come and go. Can women have it all? No. Something is going to lack.

It's a shame that our workforce has bought into this. There are places overseas that give women at least a year off after having a baby. Here the standard is 6 weeks, or three months if you take FMLA. The system sucks. Women do want to do both and in some cases HAVE to, but the American culture is so screwed up that employers, people in charge who probably have children themselves, offer very little support to families. You have your kid, you're expected back in 6-12 weeks the option to go part time isn't always available. For example:

I remember being in a meeting with fellow project managers and managers when I was working and the goal was how do we motivate our employees or people working for our projects to go above and beyond. One manager was complaining about a particular employee. Out of his own mouth, she was a nice woman and a great worker. The issue he had was that she leaves everyday at 4 which was her time to get off mind you. She never stays to put in extra time in the office. Like clockwork he said she'd leave. Well I didn't see nothing wrong with that! He said she left because her son was done with practice at 4:30. She never stayed late because she liked to meet her son at home. The manager never complained to her about this but on her performance review she was docked a few points for not making herself available after 4 because she had to get her child. Other people would stay late for a meeting or to get extra work done if need be so why shouldn't she? The manager point blank said she needs a better reason that going to meet her son, as to why she can never give more. He said everyone else in his department have families yet they still stay if need be. Seriously that was his ONLY complaint on her but for him it was big. Surprisingly several other manager's women included shared his view. All of these managers had families.

Employers need to cut our women some slack. It's hard to be a mom and I'd imagine it's hard to be a working mother. Provide benefits that help our families. For the women who have to work provide better maternity packages to allow more time with families.

And stay at home moms struggle with waiting until their children are of age to get in pre school so they can go back to work and just when that kid is old enough, surprise another baby is on the way, which means if they choose life this child would keep them at home another 3-4 years they hadn't planned on being there so now they're at a crossroads as well. The main comment people get anyway when you say you're home full time is "you can always go back when they're in school." That's the big goal people think and these mothers are reminded of that constantly. And the older your kids get the more the reminders come and the "are you done having kids"? Believe it or not I actually got called a "baby making machine" by someone when we found out about Peyton. So these mothers get no respect either. Some seriously want to work so they no longer have to hear snide remarks about their decision.

Let's not forget the woman who is in her 40s with pre teens and teenagers her then surprise! We as a society tend to rip these women apart and for them it's already hard having a baby they didn't plan on having this late, but are they offered support or encouragement? No.

So am I against abortion? Yes. Most are performed by married 'successful' women ( I do include myself in this succesful category by the way). Contraceptives aren't 100% and it'll be dumb to tell these women to practice abstenance in marriage. But with society as against families the way they are, why be surprised in such a rise in abortions.
-- Post From My iPhone

Interesting part 1

I just found this article interesting, http://abcnews.go.com/Health/ReproductiveHealth/abortion-addict-admits-multiple-abortions-suicide-attempts/story?id=8594347. Please read and my commentary will follow in another post.

-- Post From My iPhone

Planning ahead

So the hubby calls from work today to tell me something interesting. He was in charge of planning his departments offsite this year (he did a FANTASTIC job by the way:-) and he had someone from the FBI come and speak. Depending on the job you take with the FBI, there'd be a TON of traveling involved. So much so that it may be hard to have a family. My hubby said he was talking to the guy and asked if it was hard to balance family and work and he answered "Actually my wife stays home full time and my children are home schooled so they can come with me." Sam knew I'd find that interesting.

Lately I've had a few conversations with women who are questioning what it's like to be home full time (to be honest I get asked this A LOT). Now mind you, I'm not the type to state to someone, "you should stay home." Not because I don't think this is the correct way. I'm definitely more for women staying at home then working outside of the home, but when talking to women, I do believe I should be sensitive and it's not so easy to just tell someone what they should do. I don't know their household needs and in some situations it would be hard for people to live off of one income and I understand that. But what I do tell them is to plan ahead for the future.

When talking to a girlfriend recently she was asking me some of the benefits of being at home and I told her I find it nice to be available. That I can truly concentrate on Sam and the children without worrying about work. When Sam got sent on a business trip we were able to go. When Peyton ended up in the hospital I was able to stay with her. No questions asked. I had choices and it was times like these that I really appreciated the flexibility.

So for those of you who aren't married yet or don't have children. Think ahead and start planning now. For those who don't know me well and haven't read my blog before, I was a total career woman in the past. I believed that children should be in daycare and I was going to have my career and in my head I didn't see anything wrong with it. Then I got pregnant and throughout the entire pregnancy I struggled. I made decent money so I spent a lot of time researching the best daycares I could find. We were against home daycares, so I didn't even look there but even the best daycares didn't cut it for me and I struggled with my decision.

Sam and I took that trip back down memory lane today and we both don't remember when we said definitely that we're not going to put Nathan in one. I don't remember what month of pregnancy I was in at the time when we made that choice but I do remember feeling a small sense of relief. Then after Nathan was born I remember when he hit the 6 week mark and I told Sam today that even if I hadn't made the decision before, I definitely would've made it then and not handed him over.

I'm not saying this to say that everyone is going to feel this way when they get to this point. But I want you to know that in the years leading up to Nathan's birth we didn't put a lot of thought and emphasis into our future children other than the fact that we knew we wanted them someday. I used to flirt with the idea of wanting to be home, but I didn't have any reason I felt to pursue this at the time and so Sam and I didn't, and truly I didn't understand how hard of a decision it would be to make. There's so much to take into consideration:
1. Can we afford to do this?
2. Do I really want to give up my career?
3. Is he better off in a daycare around tons of other kids instead of at home with just me?
4. How will I feel leaving him? Can I actually drop him off with virtual strangers?
5. Will I get bored? What will I do at home all day?
6. How's my husband going to handle this situation in the long run?
7. What's the turn over rate in daycare and the screening process?
8. What's it going to be like not getting a paycheck of my own?
9. Even if we can afford to live on one income, do I want to cut back just to stay home?
And I could go on and on with more questions I had. I'm just giving you a few to let you know it's not a decision to take lightly.

So am I implying that you should stay home when you have children. No. I'm actually saying do your planning so you have options. Before you marry see where your future husband stands on this issue. Set up your household so that if you have that baby and change your mind then you can be there with him or her. And if you decide to keep working then have that planned out as well. Where is your child going to stay while you work? Is your job family friendly etc. It's a little something I wish I knew before Sam and I had children. No matter what you say you never know how you're going to feel when you get pregnant. Then you may feel differently again after you actually have your child and look at them. Just be prepared and position yourself so that you have several options instead of just one. Even though Sam and I did it and in the end it's going really well, I believe it would have been a lot better if we'd planned it out. It still would have been a transition but I don't believe it would've had as many bumps in the beginning if we'd set ourselves up differently.