Separate but Equal...

****This topic I'm tackling is kind of controversial but it's been bothering me lately so I'm going to attempt to discuss it tastefully. I respect everyone who reads this blog. Please read this to the end before passing judgement and I welcome any and all comments. You can attach them or email them to me directly.****

Sam and I love going for drives. We actually go pretty often and as a result we know our way around Cleveland pretty well. Actually we know our way better than some of the "natives." But we stumbled up on a new area on Sunday while we were out. It's North Ridgeville and I'm not sure if it's Cuyahoga county or not but anyway we happened up there. And I didn't like it. As a matter of fact I'm getting pretty sick of Cleveland and all of it's suburbs especially since Sam and I have had children. I was reading an article and did you know that in 1997 Cleveland was ranked #4 in the list of the most segregated cities. Am I the only one outraged at this?

I'm sick of going to Bedford Heights, East Cleveland, Warrensville Heights and seeing all black people, just like I'm sick of going to Westlake, Medina, Mentor, and seeing all white. When I talk to black people, well they won't move to the West side and when I talk to white they're usually in an area where black people won't go. And I'm usually talking to Christians when I'm having this conversation.

I live on the West side of Cleveland. When Sam and I were in the process of moving to Cleveland we were really searching for diversity. We failed. It's not diverse here. If anything it's more white than black and I don't mind that aspect of it. There's quite a few Hispanics here as well. And we loved it until we had children. Now I always look at our children wondering "What school will I send them too?" I want it to be a mixed school. Seriously I do. I had friends of different races in school and I loved it. I'd love to go in the basement and see Nathan and Peyton playing with black, white, Hispanic, Indian, Arab whatever. However the schools here aren't diverse and Sam and I refuse to send our children to a school that's not. Contrary to what people tell me about "good" schools, I don't consider it "good" at all if only one race goes there (and that doesn't matter if that race is black or white). As a matter of fact I consider it one of the worst and so I live around some of the "worst" schools there are and my son or daughter won't be going to them, I'm going to home school before I do that. I'm proud of the Little Rock nine (and if you're reading this and don't know about the Little Rock nine...) but as a mother I couldn't have been the one to allow my children to do that. I'm glad God picked people in our history that did that but if I choose to put myself in the situation that's one thing but I couldn't have done it with Nathan and Peyton.

There is a Christian school not to far from us and we looked into that as an option. But have anyone noticed that churches are Extremely segregated? And I'm guilty in this area as well. We visited the church a few years ago and we made two mistakes. First we were about 10 minutes late. Second we entered in the front of the church where everyone could see us. It was Wednesday night Bible study and Sam and I decided to go knowing that we'd probably be the only blacks in there. You see I can get the word of God from any race. I listen to Moody radio and as long as the Pastor is teaching and it's Biblical then I don't care what race it is. But anyway so we get to the church a little late and there's about a 1000 people (no joke) at Bible Study...and all of them decided to "welcome" Sam and Me. It was the most awkward experience ever. I know we probably would've been insulted if no one spoke but before you criticize let me explain where I'm coming from.

I actually consider myself an introvert. That'll surprise a lot of you, but I am. If I don't know you, work with you, or if I'm not properly introduced I usually keep to myself. I'll smile or wave but I probably won't start a conversation cause it's out of my comfort zone. So to have a huge number of people constantly singling you out to "welcome" you in one setting (and that setting isn't a party for you or your wedding) was very uncomfortable. I'm sure Sam and I weren't the only visitors but we were the only black ones so we stuck out like a sore thumb and I think the people meant well but it actually made us want to leave. After the first group of people greeted us we had to quit making eye contact because we just didn't want to be approached anymore (that method didn't help - they kept coming in numbers). I think they really wanted us to feel welcome but it kind of backfired a little. I don't know what they could've done different and I'm not mad at them for it because they were doing what we as Christians are supposed to do but it was just very very awkward for Sam and me and just uncomfortable. I didn't feel that they were welcoming us as visitors because I didn't see any of the other visitor being "welcomed" the way we were, I think we were being welcomed because we as African Americans visited the church and that made it awkward.

Needless to say I did go back to the church on my own. Sam was out of town one Sunday and I decided to visit again and again I was welcomed in the same way. I even got to meet the first lady and the Pastor of the church and they came and visited Sam and me at home that week. That was a really nice memory that we have. I couldn't believe that they took the time out of their busy schedule to come and see us...of course I haven't heard from them since and that's been about 4 years ago.

I would love to find a mixed church just like I'd love to find a mixed neighborhood but Sam and I realize that it's not going to happen in Cleveland, OH and we plan on moving out ASAP. I'm sick of having this conversation with people. It's actually a very hard one to have. When I used to work I remember talking to one of my co workers and he was telling me how terrified he is to drive through East Cleveland. So I was really insulted by this. I know the crime is high there but here I am an African American and he's Italian and to me it just sounds like "I'm afraid to drive through that all black neighborhood" So I casually said "I'm afraid to drive through Parma" and he looked stunned and asked why? And I told him for the same reason he's afraid to drive through East Cleveland - no one in that neighborhood looks like me. And then he truly realized what he was saying and apologized for it. But he didn't know why I would be afraid of something like that. He may see that area as no crime but I see it as an area I wouldn't want to break down in.

Case in point, when Nathan was only about 7 months old, we were leaving a Dollar General store in the plaza and as I'm loading things into the car a man in a pick up truck sitting nearby yelled at Nathan and me "Stupid Nigger."

Honestly I had to stop typing for a second cause the emotion I felt from that day just came back. I wasn't so mad about him calling me that as I was that my son was in my arms and he called him that. If I'd had a gun that day, I probably would've shot him. That's how angry I was at that moment. I was thankful that Sam wasn't with me because I have no clue what he would've done. I put Nathan in the car and I have a coupe. Remember when Britney Spears drove with her children in her lap saying she feared for their safety and we all talked about her. Well honestly I almost put Nathan in my lap to drive away. I have to lean in the back to put him in his carseat (he wasn't in his carrier, I'd left that in the car) so out of fear for his safety mainly I almost drove a little distance just to get him to where I felt he was safe enough to put him in his seat. But I prayed for God's protection and I got in the backseat with Nathan and locked the door and strapped him in and then got out and drove away and I haven't been back to that Dollar General since. I remember the drive home and yes I cried about it and was still crying when I got home to Sam. It was only supposed to be a quick run to grab something really quick. I don't know how my ancestors dealt with that day in and day out. I know some of my people use that word but I don't. I hate it no matter who says it and I won't even buy music that promotes that crap.

So it sucks because I can't find a neighborhood here that we like. I want Nathan and Peyton to be able to relate to all people. Have you ever run into anyone who grew up in a neighborhood that's all one color and went to a college that's all one color? I have and it doesn't matter if they're black or white - they're at a disadvantage in my book. I had a friend that I worked with at Key who grew up in East Cleveland and then went away to an all black college. Well the department she worked for was all white and she didn't fit in at all and she knew it. I had many a lunch date with her and she'd be in tears telling me what she's going through. And you know what? I blame her. I'm sure it was nice to go to the historically black college but at some point in life you're going to have to learn to deal with other races and if she would've sought that out earlier, then it wouldn't have been such a "culture shock" to her. And news flash if we can't get along down here how can we get along in Heaven?

Sam worked with a guy that I truly admired. He was our parents age and he said that he grew up in Mentor and when he went to college it was the first time that he ever had to deal with black people and it was a culture shock to him. He said all through grade school and high school it was always white then he went to a diverse college and he just couldn't relate. This man made great money and could've moved to Westlake, Strongsville or whatever but he told us that he chose South Euclid because he wanted his children to be around other nationalities and be able to relate to all people.

Do you know that the Bible never said anything about other races dating? The Bible said not to be unequally yoked, meaning don't marry a non Christian. Sam and I had a long discussion and we decided early on that we have two requirements for Nathan and Peyton: 1. Whoever they date/marry must be born the opposite sex then them (in this day in age unfortunately you have to specify that) and 2. They must be a Christian (some of you are wondering why I specify that second but hey a lot of transgendered people are claiming to be Christians so I feel we have to get the other out of the way first). Color doesn't matter to Sam or me. Now I don't want to hear them downing their race and using that as an excuse to date someone else. As African Americans ourselves I won't have that but if they want to date outside their race, I'm fine with it as long as the above two requirements are met.

But I don't know where life is going to take us. Hopefully away from Cleveland and its suburbs and we're always on the quest to find diversity. Sam and I have exhausted the Cleveland suburbs and we're not satisfied. There's Shaker but to me in shaker the blacks live on their side of Shaker and the whites live on their side of Shaker and the taxes there are ridiculous so that's out. And I want more for our children. Please be careful in commenting on suggestions as to where we should move. When I used to work people would say "Hey how about North Royalton, I have a black family on my street" One or two black families in a neighborhood doesn't make it diverse! Just like one or two white families in a neighborhood doesn't do that either. So watch and think about your suggestions. I'm trying to teach them to love Christ but how can I do that if I don't teach them to love their fellow man? I know they're going to run into prejudice just like I did that day (and many times before, yes I've been followed in stores and my husband has been pulled over COUNTLESS times by the police for no reason) and we'll have to equip them with the knowledge on how to deal with that. But God told us to love people:

1 John 4:20 - 20If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.

And how can I teach our children to love people that they never get to see...Think about it.