Time's ticking away

Yesterday I was on the floor playing with Peyton. Sam was working from home and Nathan was taking a nap and Peyton didn't want to nap so I got on the floor and played with her. I've done this before but yesterday was different. I started tapping the floor and she started imitating me and when I'd stop she'd grab my hands to continue. I started making noises and she started trying to imitate. The bad part was I wondered to myself, "How long has she been doing this?"

It's so easy to miss the little stuff. And I realized that I've been pretty busy lately. Even though I'm home full time "stuff" still gets in the way. Well that's about to change. I have to set limits. I have a ton of stuff to do each day to keep the house functioning properly but I'm going to have to manage my time better. It was a lot easier with just one child.

When Nathan was a baby it was quicker to clean and I didn't have a toddler going behind me when I'd finished cleaning making new messes :-) Also I kept a whiteboard up and I literally had everyday written out and that was a big help. Now the whiteboard is down because it used to be in the "office" which is now Peyton's room (that she's still not sleeping in by the way). Too Peyton is a much "easier" baby than Nathan was, as long as I'm in the room I can put her somewhere and this allows me to get stuff done.

A lot of people think I chose to stay home because I don't trust daycares or sitters. While that's a small part of it it's only about 5% (a VERY small part). The main reason I chose to stay home is because I don't want to miss my children growing up. Especially during these Baby/Toddler/Pre school years. Before Sam and I made the decision for me to be home full time, I spent a lot of time talking to "career" women. And I only spoke to the ones who's children were now grown. And every single one of them told me that if they had it to do over they wouldn't have worked when their children were young. They'd had no problems with daycares or sitters actually, but they said they missed way too much. I also talked to some stay at home mothers or mothers who'd stayed at home until their children were older (my mom included) and some of them wished they'd worked, mainly so they would've afforded more, I can relate to that feeling at times, if I were working now I'd have that minivan I've been wanting... So I had two opinions to go on to decide what we wanted to do. It also helped that I worked in a daycare for a year while in college so I already knew how they worked. Sam and I didn't have the option of working alternate shifts or going part time and though he can work from home at times he still wouldn't be able to have the kids around - it's a big no no to be dialed into a meeting with children behind you. We worked 8 hours a day with 1 hour for an unpaid lunch so Nathan and Peyton would've been with a sitter no less than 10 hours a day (hopefully because sometimes I worked 60 hour weeks...). So for Sam and I it was just figuring out which I may regret more. Working or not working.

I admit I need my sanity at times and time with adults (no children around). And I have to give it to Sam, he's very good at making sure I get that. I don't think I've ever heard him object to me getting together with one of my girlfriends. As a matter of fact he really encourages it so no complaints there. And I found a few other full time mothers so our children can socialize and I can have other adults to be around during the day so that helps too. Though I had a great job with a wonderful manager and great co workers, I've actually never missed work for any reason other than the extra income it brings.

So what's getting in the way? I can't blame it on having 2 children. Sam's a hands on father and spends ample time with the children and I get a significant amount of alone time with each child because of this. So I can't use that excuse. It's just stuff. The desire for a clean home. The desire to call my friends to say "hi" or "can I pray for you." The desire to keep in touch with people by sending a gazillion e-mails a day. etc. Just stuff. So I'm cutting out some stuff.

If God's willing I'll have my children for 18 years (22 if they go to college locally) and I think I'd rather have a less cleaner home (although trust me not nasty) and send fewer emails so that I can witness every moment possible.

So I'm starting today. It's actually 8:00 am and both children are in bed, which is the reason I'm writing. And I'm going to get that whiteboard back up. I have to go back to the original reason as to why I'm home which is to take care of my family. Believe it or not it is possible to be home full time and still "miss" this little stuff and I don't want to miss a thing. I know there's going to be times when the children have to entertain themselves or Peyton has to be in that swing or bouncer while Nathan plays with his cars on the floor so I can get things done and also I'm not going to give up the hour of alone time I get each evening but I just need to refocus and scale back a little.