10 years ago...

This is something I rarely talk about, but 10 years ago tomorrow one of my best friends, Tanisha Philips, passed away from Aplastic Anemia. I really don't talk about her at all anymore, but for the last 10 years I think about her almost daily. And I wonder where she is right now.

10 years ago I didn't know Christ. I attended church but like a lot of people I didn't know God and throughout Tanisha's sickness we never discussed salvation. To be honest with you she never actually expressed or talked about how sick she really was. She'd been in and out of the hospital but I guess at the time I didn't realize the seriousness of her illness until it was too late.

We were 20 yrs old and I along with our other BFF spoke at her funeral. I didn't go to the gravesite-never saw her tombstone and to be honest with you I never cared to. It was a closed casket funeral which I appreciated. I never saw her in death and my last memory of her was very good.

The Eve of my wedding (June 14, 2002) I had a dream about her- the only dream I've ever had about her and we were laughing and working out together and she apologized to me saying she wouldn't be able to make it to the wedding. I'm not trying to say the dream meant anything. I may have been dreaming about her simply because my wedding was the next day and her absence was felt.

I often wonder if we'd still be close if she were alive or if we'd gone our separate ways. Her death hit me and our other BFF really hard and I remember our conversation the day after. We promised to stay in touch better and 10 years later we continue to talk several times a week.

Another thing I often wonder is; why her? Why out of the three of us did she get sick? And remember when Lazarsu and the rich man died and the rich man wanted to go back and do things differently but of course couldn't. I often wonder how Tanisha and others who've passed would live if they could come back. My husband and I got into this discussion pretty heavy yesterday.

Often we as Christians go about our daily lives forgetting to pray and thank God-maybe we don't realize who God really is. I mean we can't truly fathom God's glory because if we could, if we truly could, would we do the things we do? If we could glance God and still live afterwards how would we change.

Again I don't know where my friend is right now, but I wonder, I really wonder...


-- Post From My iPhone