Seek Ye First...

I've learned the worst sin is the sin no one knows about but you. I'd been dealing with unwholesome thoughts for the longest maybe years. And I'd become comfortable with it until recently. I really began to be convicted of it lately but it'd gone on for so long I really was having a hard time stopping and it became kind of frustrating. I was suddenly hearing all kinds of ministries speaking out against the "sin of the mind" you know the sins that no one knows about but you. However none of these ministries really seemed to provide an answer. Our mind is powerful. We tend to worry, think bad about others etc. and it's so easy to do. But lately I'd become very uncomfortable with my thoughts. It was interrupting my worship, my prayer life and it had been for a long time but suddenly it was just taking more hold of me then I wanted it too.

I'd started praying but that didn't seem to help and my husband is great and would listen but has been dealing with so much himself that I didn't want to worry him about this. It started being laid on my heart really hard that I need to at least confess it to someone, but I didn't want to because at the same token it was kind of embarrassing. Then someone I love and trusted came to mind that I could tell and I immediately sent her an email before I could second guess my decision. It simply said "I have some sin I've been dealing with and want to confess it to you, call me tomorrow when you have time." If anything I figured she'd get a good laugh :-)

So she called and I confessed and she gave me the best Christian counsel and you know it finally felt good to have it out in the open. Like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Something I'd kept inside so long was finally out and I was being held accountable for once.

Of course everything didn't get better right away and I didn't expect it to but it's still been a start. Then just today I was dealing with some of the same issues and I started praying to God and told Him I really don't want to concentrate on this issue anymore and I'm just starting my request and telling Him to please take my mind off of this and I felt Him speak to me.

If you know me, one thing you know is I hardly ever say I felt God speak to me. As a matter of fact I'm extremely leery of people when they say "God told me" all the time. I believe God speaks in different ways, through Godly counsel, through His Word and directly at times but I'm still leery at people who always say "God told me." That's why this just stopped me in my tracks. Anyway I'm pouring my heart out to God, when it hit me "But seek ye first the kingdom of God..."

I'd been asking God for Him to take this issue away from me and secretly been hoping I'd miraculously stop dwelling on the same thing and of course it hasn't happened and I've been just praying that eventually it'd go away and of course it hasn't, isn't it funny how we aways want God to do something for us but not do anything in return? Then that verse just came to me.

God's word is amazing. In seeking Him I came across so many verses that speak to me in my situation 2 Corinthians 10:5 says "5Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ"

I'm not the only one who's dealt with issues like these or had something I was holding onto and God knows that. There's so many instances in the Bible of what I've been going through and God has already provided the answers and a way out yet I haven't been reading or seeking Him and therefore it's been pretty hard. But in seeking His word I've found comfort lately and I'm realizing again why it's so important to know God's word and to study it. Psalm 119:11 says "11Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee"

I don't want to give false hope to people that all issues will go away, they won't. Satan will probably just try harder, but in knowing God's word I'm renewing my mind. I'm thinking on Him. Taking time to marvel in his Word and fall in love with Jesus all over again. And when I start to worry I have verses to go back to. Verses that can speak to that specific situation and provide comfort and that's what I need most right now.