I'll admit I used to have this same view. If you had more than two children (especially if your first two are a boy and a girl) then I secretly saw more as too many. I just couldn't understand why anyone would want more. I recently over the past year have been trying to figure out why I felt this way. I don't feel that way anymore, as a matter of fact I wouldn't mind having 5 or 6 or maybe even 8 (yes you read right I said 8).
But I notice I get a lot of people who approach me, surprisingly in the church the most, that tell me "you have your boy and girl I know you're done." Why? Why do we as a society see having children this way. Most of the time I hear people refer to children as expensive and they put the connotation on it as if they're a burden. I hear "I can't wait until they grow up" etc. I run into a lot of young mothers who have one and they are done. Even if they themselves grew up in a big family they do not want to go through "that" again.
I admit it was hard for me to have another child. I loved my son and still do but had a pretty difficult pregnancy. I spent the last three months working from home and made about 4 emergency room visits so it wasn't very pleasant and in the end I had to have an emergency c-section to have him delivered. I remember before having children hearing mothers talk about how wonderful pregnancy is and sadly I didn't have that view the first time because I was in a lot of pain most of the time. The only reason I really decided to have another is because I really wanted Nathan to have a sibling and I wanted them to be as close in age as possible and that's where Peyton entered in. My second pregnancy was blissful. No emergency room visits and no c section not even a very long labor, and I got to thinking this wasn't so bad.
Now with both of them I couldn't be happier but I still run into very few people who say anything positive. I often hear "oh two in diapers" (followed by the odd look that's supposed to mean something). And to be honest with you having two in diapers hasn't been hard at all. I change one and then the other, really no big deal. As a matter of fact I really feel it's been easier with two then it was with one. I had a lot of anxiety with Nathan being my first child and now with Peyton that anxiety really hasn't been there. As soon as Peyton hit 8 weeks I flung her in her carseat and have been on the go ever since and when I'm out I change one, put them back in the stroller and change the other. I really haven't seen the big deal in it. Maybe the cost but even that hasn't been as astronomical as we thought it would be.
So then I began to re examine what I believed about children and in doing so I began reading to see what God had to say about children and I found that God has a very different view then society (isn't that usually the case?) As a matter of fact He sees them as blessings. And I realized what a big deal it is to Him to see us as Christian parents having more and more children.
I'm not big on ministering outside my home right now. I'm not against it if anyone else does it cause we all have our callings and need to be doing God's work but something people may notice about me is I don't participate in many ministries outside the home, at least not right now. And if anyone ask me how come I'm not involved in a ministry I tell them that I am. The ministry is my home and my husband and children.
Have you ever looked at a family tree. If you can trace your family tree back you can see just how many generations have come and gone. The image below isn't that great but I want you to look at it anyway and just picture if the person at the top told their family about Christ and then their children told their children's children etc. Look how far that "ministry" will span and just how many lives will be touched by that.
So I see why having children is so important in God's eyes but now that I see that how do we get people to stop having such a negative view about it.
I've grown to love being a mommy. There's been a great deal of challenges and I'm facing some heavy ones right now, but at the same token I love it. I love Nathan, the way he smiles, his personality the tone of his voice. The hugs he gives even some of the bad stuff I write in his journal because I often find some creativity in his disobedience. Every hardship I endured during his pregnancy pales in comparison to the joy of having him in my life. It was all worth it. And Peyton means the world to me as well. She has the most beautiful eyes and an infectious smile and she has a little face scrunch thing that she does that makes my heart melt and she loves to cuddle, and her favorite word is "done." I'm enjoying watching them grow and everyday it saddens me a little because I know I'm raising them to one day let them go and as these baby and toddler years creep by I can't fathom not having them in my home. I love the noise and chaos they bring. Throwing little socks into the washer and hanging up tiny pants to dry bringw me a weird sense of joy. My days are full of cherishable moments and I wonder what's wrong with this? Why do we speak against this as a society? Why are young girls and women growing up to believe that there should be a limit on children? That two are "enough." Now if you choose to just have two that's fine but if the connotation is that more than two is a bad thing then that's what I question. When it's seen as "I can't deal with any more."
I know it's hard in today's day and age especially when jobs seem so uncertain. And to be honest with you I'm kind of nervous about having a third, that's not going to stop me but at the same token I'm not looking forward to the negative comments that'll come from people ("You're pregnant again???!!! Already? " or "Are you ever going back to work") I've already been told by one person I'm a "baby making machine" when I was pregnant with Peyton (I'm still trying to figure out if I should be insulted or not). But I guess what goes around comes around because I used to feel the same way at one point.
But the questions I'm open to discussing are; how many are too many? And shouldn't each family have a right to have as many children as they want if they have the means to support them? Why can't we as women be as happy for someone's 5th pregnancy as we were for the first? Why do we think a woman with 4 or more children have "too many"? And why do we care so much about what other people do in their homes? If they choose to have 12 that's their right, correct? Let me know what you think.
2 comments:
There is a BIG difference between one's RIGHT and one's RESPONSIBILITY. I believe every "parent" (remember I used the word parent) has the right to have as many children as they like. HOWEVER, they lose that right, when they cannot be responsible for their upbringing (spiritually, financially and otherwise) . I was hoping you talk about the single mom who brought 14 children into this world. What injustice to those poor children. When you already know that you have 3 kids who are disabled, how dare she have more kids. On the other hand, if she chose to have those children with a father figure in their lives and the means to provide, it would have been a different story.
Christina
The idea of larger families is almost extinct. I think children are a wonderful blessing, but many children are brought into the world into dire circumstances. I actually wrote about the woman with the 14 kids a short while ago. (http://www.brokenrubies.com/2009/02/eight-babies-and-counting.html) They should not be a burden to someone else. It is sad that 1 boy and 1 girl is the deciding factor. I've gotten that same comment before. Having 3 kids makes you a machine! Ludicrous.
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